Death-Wish Kids

The day I took Micah to the park was one that I regretted. It was around eleven when I loaded him into his stroller and we took off towards a playground just a neighborhood over.

I'd spent the last couple weeks cooped up in the house with him everyday after school instead of agreeing to hangout with Mikey and Frank when they asked. So Saturday morning I woke up and made Micah breakfast like usual, before I took a shower and dressed him in light clothes and a hat.

I loaded a few of his toys, a blanket, one of my binders, and his sippy-cup into the basket in the back of the stroller that sat in the garage and then carried him downstairs to get him seated.

"Noah!" I shouted as I carried Micah from my room to downstairs, "Micah and I are walking to the park if you want to come!"

The eleven year old appeared in the doorway of his bedroom with his game console controller in his hand. "What?" he asked, pushing the bulky headphones down around his neck.

I rolled my eyes. "We're going to the park," I said again, "You know, like kids used to do. Are you coming?" I stood just a few steps from the stop and stared at my brother as he struggled to make up his mind. Finally, he nodded.

"I have to change," he said before he went back into his room and closed the door loudly.

"We'll be in the garage," I called back and then headed through the kitchen to the garage door, and then outside into the August heat.

I situated Micah in his stroller and pulled the canopy over his head to guard against the sun that loomed just outside the open garage. His cheeks were already rosy from the heat. While I waited for my brother, I tied my hair up.

"Alright, lets go," Noah said as he appeared next to me, "I told Evan to meet us there. He lives right across the street. Can I push, Micah?"

I shrugged. "Just stay on the sidewalk." We headed out of the empty garage and down the sidewalk towards the park that we'd played on plenty of times when we were younger. We would beg our father to let us go alone because we thought it we were old enough to meet our friends by ourself, and our dad would say yes, but secretly follow behind us with the car.

Of course, we were grateful that we didn't have to walk home at the end of the day. The summers were hot and sticky and it made the entire city smell like a locker room. After an entire day on the playground, all three of us were thankful for air-conditioning and the fast food place our dad would take us to.

But Noah and I walked just like we had almost every morning during the summers as kids. This time we had Micah instead of Ryder and everything felt different without our dad secretly following behind us, making sure we were okay.

When we got there, Noah's friend was waiting and the two of them took off towards the top of the tower/slide. The playground was empty except for us, so I laid out our blanket under a tree and set Micah down on it.

He immediately moved towards the grass and tried to pull it from the ground. Noah and Evan giggled loudly as they played some game and chased each other from equipment to equipment.

I scattered Micah's toys around him and pulled my binder from the bottom of the stroller so I could get some work done. The house was quiet but stuffy. My dad had gone to work early that morning, like usual, and soon after Ryder woke up, got ready, and took off to Jason's house to spend the day. She woke me up to tell me that Micah was awake and that I had to watch our brother.

It was easier to focus on my geometry homework out of the house. There were less distractions. Micah was entertaining himself by watching everything that was happening around him and Noah was unable to keep shouting at his Xbox and the friends who continuously killed his avatar.

Instead, they raced around through the wood chips. Noah shouted and ran in our direction. He dropped down behind Micah and glared at his friend who stood on the other side of the baby.

"Micah is the safe zone," he claimed, holding his hands out to stop Evan from touching him.

Evan scoffed. "Fine, but you can only stay there for ten seconds."

Noah thought it over. "Then you have to do an entire lap around the playground before you can tag me," he said, crossing his arms over his chest, "That way you can't get me the second I leave."

"Fine," Evan agreed, and ran away, shouting numbers back to Noah, who quickly took off and began climbing on top of the monkey bars.

Evan was shorter than Noah by a good foot, but he was still able to jump up from the platform and smack Noah's foot. Noah whined, but jumped down so he could chase his friend.

When they ended up back behind my son, I shooed them away. "Guys, make the other tree your save zone," I demanded, motioning to the one on the other side of the playground, "I can't get anything done with you making me worried that you're going to step on him."

Noah called time-out just so he could roll his eyes at me.

I gave him a look.

"Ugh, fine," he agreed, "The other tree is the safe zone." He took off to do his lap around the playground while Evan took off towards the unoccupied tree.

I went back to my Geometry homework. I didn't look up again until Noah shouted at me from the top of the slide.

"Cyren, isn't that Mikey and Frank?" he asked loudly, pointing down the sidewalk to where a group of guys were walking this direction.

Technically they only would've been considered a gang if they had one more person with them, but the way they looked I wasn't sure how someone hadn't called the police on them already. They walked in a cluster, talking over each other so loudly that I could hear them from where I sat with Micah.

Micah was laying on his back with grass on his tummy from when I put it there. He held one of his trucks in his hands and was staring up at the leaves of the tree above us.

In that moment, I wished I would've dressed him in camouflage so I could've sat him right next to the trunk of the tree and watched him disappear. But there was no hope of hiding him from the group when Noah started shouting for his best friends.

The entire group turned and looked our way, obviously surprised to hear a kid's voice shouting for Frank and Mikey. I held still in hopes of them not seeing us.

I was practically in a panic when they started heading our way and the rest followed, obviously interested.

I stood up and watched Gerard's face as he followed his younger brother over to us. He was looking at the playground and at Noah and Evan and hadn't quite seen me yet.

When Frank saw me, he automatically saw Micah and I could see that he wanted to pretend we weren't there to save me the embarrassment of being outed, but it was too late. Gerard followed Frank's gaze and I watched his expression change when he saw me, and then change again when he saw the baby at my feet.

He was confused and then he covered it up, going back to the same neutral expression that he wore half the time. The other was amusement, like he knew something that the rest of us didn't.

He, however; had just learned my biggest secret.