Death-Wish Kids

The young woman who manned the sign-in counter just inside the door of the daycare building looked understandably surprised to see Gerard following me over to her. She handed me the same sheet she did everyday, but raised her eyebrows at me when Gerard turned to look at one of the photos on the wall.

I glared but quickly collected myself when he turned back and rested his elbows on the countertop, leaning down. He smiled at Amber and pulled the paper closer to him so that he could read it and see what I was doing. "You have to sign him in and out?" he asked, looking up at me and then to Amber.

"It's for safety," I replied, writing Micah's name and then signing next to it, "and I told you that you couldn't talk to anyone."

He turned to the worker and dramatically rolled his eyes, biting his bottom lip between his teeth as he took in the office room behind the counter.

"We can't just let anyone pick up the kids," Amber clarified as she looked him over, taking the sheet from me. She rolled back in her chair and stuffed the paper into the binder before rolling back over and looking up at Gerard. "Are you Micah's father? It's possible to add you to the permissions."

"No," I rebutted, shaking my head, "He's not, we're just friends." I glanced to my left at him, mortified, but he was grinning crookedly back at me. He stood up and wrapped an arm over my shoulders nonchalantly, his arm bent at the elbow.

Amber apologized hurriedly and shut the binder that sat on her lap. "Oh, excuse me," she said to us, shaking her head, "I just assumed. We don't get too many guests, although I should've known seeing as you brought a friend along one time."

Gerard looked down at me and the offense on his face surprised me. "Who was it?" he asked, pulling his arm off my shoulder and crossing his arms, "Was it Frank? He always knows things before I do."

"Gerard, does it-"

He turned to Amber, cutting me off. "Was he a short guy? The sides of his head shaved and red on top? Never stops talking? God, I bet it was him. He always knows things before me." He turned back to me and gave me a pointed stare.

I quickly checked the time on the clock behind Amber's head and dismissed the conversation. "We're going to be late," I said, collecting myself and causing him to do the same, "So stop talking and come on." I grabbed his arm and pulled him down the narrow hall. He kept trying to stop and look at everything in sight, from the kids behind the windows of the rooms to the artwork on the walls, but I dragged him down and around the corner to Micah.

When I pushed the door open, Gerard sauntered right over to the blonde haired boy, stunning the women who were looking after the five little babies. They watched him hurry over to my son and then they looked to me, realizing that he wasn't some strange man just barging in.

He always looked incredibly pale because of his white hair and his lips were just barely a shade pinker. In his green jacket with the thin black t'shirt underneath, I would've been worried if the women watching my son hadn't questioned the sight of him in the midst of all these children.

Gerard rattled one of the toys built into the playseat Micah was sitting in and then pulled him from the little seat, playfully huffy under Micah's weight. He held him in his arms easily and introduced himself to the ten month old once again "Hey, Micah," he greeted, staring into my son's blue eyes with his own mixed up ones, "Remember me from the park? I walked you and your mom home not too long ago."

I was sure that if Micah was old enough to speak, he would've been clever enough to remark that walking us home was all that he did that night. Part of me wanted to speak up and do it myself, but he turned and set his eyes on me, that familiar grin on his lips, the words had already left my mind.

I looked away from Gerard as he carted Micah back over to me. Instead of handing the baby over, Gerard simply stopped next to me and looked at the ladies expectantly, eyebrows raised and a knowing smirk on his face.

They'd been watching him and me and obviously trying to discern what it was that was between us. Gerard knew it and made it obvious that he did, but I ignored it, pretending I didn't notice the looks the ladies gave us. They'd become my friends in the time I'd spent there, and when Gerard turned and looked into the hall at the sound of something crashing, the women grinned in a way that told me they thought I did good with him.

I shook my head and kept my eyes off the man next to me. The way he stood and acted made it obvious that he wasn't a boy. His eyes were old and could see the thoughts on people's faces. He spoke what he wanted to stay but somehow still managed to hide what he really meant most of the time.

"We should probably get going," he spoke after a moment, still holding Micah on his hip, the little boy's blue-sock covered toes clashing with the Army green of Gerard's jacket, "Don't want to be late for Micah's first class. What kind of impression would that leave?"

I nodded, sort of dumb-founded and softly said goodbye to Jessica and Roma. The dark haired woman smiled and bounced one of the little boys on her hip. "See you tomorrow, Micah," she called after us as we turned around to leave, "Have fun tonight, Sweetheart."

I turned back slightly and offered her a tight smile over my shoulder despite the fact that I wasn't sure if she was talking to me or Micah. As the three of us headed down the hall, I slipped past Gerard and lead him and Micah back out of the building. When wepassed the counter, Gerard rubbed his hand over his hair and grinned at Amber, who'd been watching us head down the hall, thinking we hadn't noticed.

She quickly looked away from him and gathered the random papers on her desk into a pile, pretending she didn't see the three of us leave through the parking lot door.

Gerard caught up to my side as we crossed the backtop and his shoulder brushed against mine. I wanted to get a look at him as he carried my son, but I knew he would see me and that would inspire another one of his smirks. So I focused on my car and opened the back door so Gerard could stick Micah in.

"You can do the buckle-y stuff," he said easily, moving out of the way, "I'd hate for you to slam on the brakes and send the kid flying into the back of your seat."

"That's not funny," I replied, frowning as he grabbed the keys from my hand and galavanted around to the passenger's side of the car, ignoring my words. He opened the door and I leaned down to buckle Micah in. Gerard started the car and fiddled with the radio, making a different, displeased noise for every station he landed on.

I paused, leaning over Micah's carseat, and watched him as he leaned over the center console and fiddled with my radio. One leg was crossed over the other and his elbow was resting on the plastic letters of the gear shift. He groaned over countless stations and frustratedly flipped off the radio all together before turning his head back to us.

I pretended to finish buckling Micah in and closed the door, not daring to look through the back window at Gerard as he smiled and sat up straighter in his seat.

"You're going to have to pick something," I stated as I pulled out of the parking lot and he went back to dilligently searching for something to listen to that was up to his standards.

Gerard scoffed and glanced back at Micah. "I'm not going to subject someone as precious and innocent as Micah to the atroscities they're playing on the radio nowadays," he declared, reaching back with his left arm to grab Micah's little fingers like they were a united front again the "atrocitious music".

I pulled out onto one of the main roads and headed towards the little studio not far from here. I didn't chastise Gerard for his insistent changing of the stations. He had finally settled on something he called "bearable" just before we pulled into a parking spot outside the strip mall that held the studio.

Gerard sat back in his seat and stared through the window into the building like he was trying to make up his mind on how he felt about it. When I shut off the car, he got out without saying anything and waited by the headlight for me to get Micah and meet him.

I stopped beside him and we both took a minute to look at the building. I wasn't sure what he was thinking, but I tried to come to terms with the fact that my life had become a mess of activities centered around Micah. There would never be an opportunity to have the freedom that Ryder did or the possibilities that Noah had awaiting him. I was a mother and that would always be the most important and fascinating aspect about me, whether that was what I wanted or not.

I turned my head to look at him when Gerard took my hand. Maybe he'd seen that conclusion on my face and realized what was going through my head, or maybe while I'd been thinking about being a mom, he'd been thinking about how to hold my hand and just decided to go for it, but either way I let him and we walked into the building together without mentioning a word about it.