Death-Wish Kids

“I thought you said your dad wouldn't let you hang out with us?” Mikey questioned, scooting his chair closer to our lunch table.

I smiled and shrugged my shoulders. “He's starting to trust me again,” I replied, “He's still going to be watching me carefully, but he's at least starting to give me room to breathe.”

Frank ran his fingers through the longest part of his hair. “You must've done something pretty bad,” he stated, resting his elbow on the table.

I bit my lip and unwittingly glanced around the crowded lunch room. I knew that since I decided that Mikey and Frank were going to be around for awhile, I should probably tell them about my past and the little boy that would forever be my future. I licked over my lips before I spoke. “I actually need to talk to you guys about that,” I stated, resting my elbows on the table, “My dad wants to meet you before he lets me go out with you and I don't want you to be surprised when you come over. If you want to, anyways.”

The boys shared a look. “Surprised about what?” Mikey questioned, gently folding his arms and resting them on the top of the table.

I glanced across the room. Ryder sat with Jason, a grin on her lips as she quickly talked with some of her friends. “Do you guys want to go somewhere else?” I questioned, looking back to meet their gazes.

“Sure,” Mikey replied. He gently smacked Frank's arm and they both stood up with their backpacks in hand, waiting for me to do the same.

I grabbed my trash and hooked my back over my shoulder. I dropped my garbage into a trash can and followed the boys out of the lunch room. Frank was leading the way as we walked down the mostly empty halls. I had some idea of where they were taking me, and soon enough Frank pushed through the door and squinted against the bright sun light that shone down onto the black top behind the school. Frank pulled a cigarette out of his pack and cursed quietly, tossing the empty box to the ground. “Gerard's going to have to get me some more,” he muttered, lifting his lighter to his cigarette. “Because I can not stand this dump without nicotine.”

Mikey rolled his eyes in Frank's direction. “Yeah, I'm sure he'll be perfectly happy to negatively affect your health. You could always invest in some gum, you know.”

Frank rolled his eyes too. “Shut up, Mikes,” he replied, sucking in a breath of toxic fumes from the smoke, “You make Gee sound like a terrible person.”

“He seemed nice enough to me.” I shrugged my shoulders nonchalantly. “Does he live with you?” I asked Mikey, turning to face him minutely.

He nodded. “Yeah. He's taking some art classes and stuff, so Mom and Dad offered to let him move back in since he's out of work. He was staying with Ray, but he didn't want to mooch off of him, you know?” He shrugged and then stuffed his hands into the pockets of his hoodie.

I nodded and eyed the cigarette between Frank's pierced lips. “So, he's into art?” I asked, leaning against the brick wall of the school, trying to distract myself from the sudden urge to ask Frank to share his smoke.

Frank looked around Mikey at me with a cocky smirk on his lips. “You into Gee or something, Cyren?” he questioned jokingly, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

“No,” I stated with a roll of my eyes, “I don't date.”

“How come?” Mikey asked with honest interest.

“Yeah, you're real pretty and everything. I'm sure any guy would be fucking ecstatic to date you and shit,” Frank added, offering me a genuine smile.

I chuckled and shook my head at Frank's speculation. “That's what I wanted to talk to you about,” I told them, “If we're going to be friends then I don't want to have any major secrets from you guys.”

Frank grinned again. “Are you saying we're not friends yet?” he questioned, tossing the butt of the cigarette to the gravel. He put it out with his foot and looked back up to me. “Well?” he egged, “Because I was under the impression that we were friends the first day you sat with us.”

“We are,” I chuckled, shaking my head, “But I just want to be honest with you guys.”

Mikey nodded and stopped Frank before the short boy could say something else. “Go ahead,” Mikey encouraged, smiling just a little bit.

I sighed and stood up straighter. “You have to promise not to tell anyone,” I stated firmly, “And if you do you're both going to be in serious trouble.” I crossed my arms over my chest, feeling nervous about what I was about to say.

“We won't,” Mikey replied, look at Frank, “Right?” he asked so that his friend would confirm.

Frank nodded honestly. “I won't say a world, Cyren. It's your secret, not mine,” he promised.

“Thanks,” I murmured before continuing, “Well, the reason my dad wanted me to move in with him is because I got into some trouble back home and he didn't think my mom was capable of helping me handle it,” I started nervously, terrified of anyone else finding out about it, “Actually, I got into a lot of trouble. I drank too much and made a fool of myself at stupid parties.”

“That's why your dad doesn't trust you?” Frank questioned, folding his arms over chest, “Because you got drunk at a party?”

I shook my head and pushed all the air out of my lungs. “It wasn't just one party,” I corrected, “It was one or two every weekend... and when my friends weren't having them, I was crashing college parties at the university. The last one I went to was thrown by one of my friend's friend. There was this guy there that I'd liked since like, kindergarden and he finally noticed me as I stumbled around drunkenly at Tayla's party.” I shook my head at my own ignorance and naivety. “I was an idiot. A drunken idiot that people watched for entertainment. They didn't bother to stop me as I eagerly pulled Mitchell Hurst to Tayla's sister's bedroom, instead they laughed and cheered.”

“What happened?” Mikey asked softly, leaning his shoulder against mine.

I shrugged against him. “We had sex, obviously,” I muttered, “And a month later I found out I was going to have a baby.”

Both boys looked to me in shock. Frank's mouth was slightly agape, but Mikey's was pressed firmly shut like he was taking in the words and digesting them before he had any other reaction at all. The mere widening of his eyes told me that he was surprised by my words as much as Frank.

“You have a baby?” Frank questioned, “For real?”

I nodded, my eyes moving away from his face and to a patch of dead grass a few feet in front of us. “A little boy,” I confirmed, “He's nine months.”

“Oh, shit,” Frank mumbled, “So, you're like a mom and whatever?”

I chuckled softly and nodded, looking back up to his face. “That's usually what results in a pregnancy, Frank,” I stated sarcastically, looking from Frank to Mikey to see what he thought. “His name is Micah.”

Frank grinned and nudged his best friend's side. “Mikes, we're friends with a mom,” he joked, pushing past his friend to get closer to me.

“Shut up,” I demanded, shoving him back towards Mikey, who still hadn't said anything about it. “What're you thinking about, Mikey?” I questioned, touching his arm softly to get this attention.

He looked up to me with hazel eyes peering through his glasses. “I was just thinking about the guy,” he stated, “What happened to Micah's dad?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “We're not on speaking terms right now,” I replied, “But he knows, if that's what you're asking. I didn't want to tell him, but my dad made me.”

Frank lazily wrapped an arm over my shoulders. “What happened between you two?” he asked, leaning into me. “Like, when you told him and stuff. I mean, if some girl told me she was having me baby, I'd probably flip a chair or something.”

I laughed as Mikey rolled his eyes at Frank before I answered his question. “It didn't go over very well.”

“What a prick,” Frank stated with a roll of his eyes, “I mean, I'd flip a chair or two and then get over it. There's not much you can do if you're stupid enough not to wear a condom.”

I nodded. “Yeah, he just didn't like the fact that he had no say in it.”

Frank and Mikey both seemed to understand what I was saying. But the bell rang quietly from inside the school before either of them could speak.

Frank cursed and grabbed his bag from the blacktop. “We're going to be late,” he muttered, “Or caught.” He pulled the door open and slipped between the gap. Mikey grabbed it over my head and held it open for me.

“Thanks,” I said, heading inside quickly before anyone could notice us coming in from outside. “I'll see you guys later.”

“See you in Biology,” Mikey replied as Frank nodded goodbye and headed off in the other direction.

I had one more class before I had gym with Frank. I sat through it dilligently, listening to the teacher explain everything they had to tell you in sophomore health. When the bell rang at the end of the hour, I gathered up my things and shoved them in my bag.

Today was the first day I had to dress out for gym seeing as I'd just gotten my uniform this morning. I hurried down to the locker room in the basement, nervous and following a group of girls with shoulder bags and sparkly boots. They walked in and disappeared into the rows of half-size lockers but I stopped and knocked on the door labelled “office”.

A woman stood on the other side of the door way with a large gray hoodie on and a pair of athletic shorts leading down to a pair of laced tennis shoes. She put a smile on her lips and looked down at me. “Hi, can I help you?” she questioned.

“I'm new and I don't have a locker yet,” I explained, glancing towards the large, numerous rows of rusting metal lockers.

She nodded in understanding and pushed the door open wider, inviting me into the office. She walked over and sat on a chair behind a large desk. “What's your name?” She clicked a few buttons on the keyboard as she wanted for my answer.

“Cyren Alexander.”

She typed my last name on the keyboard quickly. “Okay, you're in Weston's class?” she confirmed, looking up at me over the monitor of the computer.

“Yeah.”

She leaned down and pulled open a drawer from the bottom of the desk. She pulled out a metal lock that was attached to a piece of paper and handed it to me. “Here you go, pick any locker that you want and write it down above the combination on that index card.”

There was a six digit code already written so I just nodded. “Thanks,” I answered before I turned and left her office. Girls were undressing in every section of the room, so I found a spot that was more empty than most and opened an unlocked locker. I pulled my gym uniform out of my bag and set it on the metal shelf as I dropped my bag to the floor.

I dressed as quickly as I could, pulling one shirt off and the other one on right after. The other girls were leaving the room in groups as I stepped out of my jeans and pulled on a baggy pair of grey shorts. The woman from the office stepped out and called into the room, asking for us to hurry so she could lock the room behind us.

“Two more minutes, ladies! Stop chatting and head upstairs!”

I stuffed my backpack into my locker, locked it, and hurried after a group of girls that were in my class. I climbed the stairs quickly was instantly relieved when I saw Frank was standing in the middle of the gym, talking to a guy who was dressed exactly the same as everyone else, Frank and I included.

“Cyren!” Frank shouted when I wasn't too far away, “You look amazing!”

I glared at the boy. “Gym clothes really suit me, right?” I asked sarcastically, walking over to stand beside him. I smiled politely at the boy in front of us.

“Oh, yeah,” Frank muttered, lightly hitting himself in the forehead, “Cyren, this is Kayson, Kayson, this is Cyren. She just moved here,” he introduced lazily.

Kayson smiled brightly and held out his hand for me to shake. “Where'd you move from?” he questioned as I shook his hand.

“Florida,” I replied, dropping my hand to my side.

“Wow, that's a long way away. What brought you to Jersey?” he asked, running the palm of his hand over his short hair. He smiled a straight smile at me and nonchalantly crossed his arms over his chest.

I glanced at Frank, nervous he would let the real reason slip out of his lips. I watched him as I began to speak, “My brother and sister live with my dad and I missed them, so I decided to try out Jersey for a while.” I shrugged my shoulders, hoping it was enough of an explanation for a simple high school boy.

“That's cool,” he replied with a friendly smile, “I moved here with my parents when I was eleven. It was a bit of a change from Wisconsin.”

I smiled and nodded. “It seems like Jersey is a big change from every where.” I looked towards the far left of the gym as my teacher walked in and called out loudly for his class to circle him. “We've got to go,” I said to Kayson, motioning towards the teacher.

The smile dropped off his lips as he nodded. “I'll see you around,” he said before he said goodbye to Frank and headed out of the main gym, stepping into the auxiliary gym where his class was meeting.

“Come on, Cy,” Frank demanded, grabbing onto a fistful of my shirt so he could pull me over to where the teacher was waiting. I followed easily and listened as Mr. Weston explained that we were going to be starting basketball as our first unit.

“We don't even really play games,” Frank explained as we walked over to grab balls from the bin, “Weston just lets us shoot and play Around the World if we aren't into full games.” He tossed me a ball and then grabbed one for himself, bouncing it on the wooden floor to see if it was a good one.

I did the same. “Sounds easy enough,” I replied, holding the ball under my arm, “What hoop should we go to?” The two of us looked at the crowded gym and Frank pointed to an empty one on the other side of the gym.

“When do you want to hang out with us?” Frank questioned as we took turns shooting.

I shrugged, glancing at him across the court. “When is good for you and Mikey?”

He threw the ball towards the hoop. The orange ball bounced off the rim and dropped back down to the floor. I laughed as Frank cursed. He was hardly better than me, which wasn't saying much because I hadn't made a shot yet. “Whenever,” he said as he retrieved his ball, “How about today?”

I met his gaze. “I don't think I can,” I denied, “I have to make plans for Micah. I think my dad will watch him for me, but I don't want to spring it on him last minute.” I pushed my ball through the air and grinned when it bounced off the corner of the square on the backboard and fell through the hoop.

Frank rolled his eyes. “How about tomorrow?” he suggested, shooting his ball again.

“I'll ask tonight,” I answered, throwing his ball back to him as it bounced towards me.

Frank thanked me softly and made another shot. We talked for the rest of class and I hurried to the locker room when the teacher blew his whistle, signing the end of class. “Wait with us after school!” Frank shouted as he headed off towards the stairs to the boys' locker room.

“Okay,” I called back, following a large group of girls across the gym. I changed downstairs and gathered my things together, leaving my dirtied gym clothes in the locker. I climbed the stairs and headed to the east wing of the gym so I could sit through Geometry.

I had Biology with Mikey in the west wing after U.S History. He sat in front of me but was mostly turned towards me. There was a movie playing on the small TV that was hanging from a mount in the corner, but the woman at the front desk was more of a door mat than a teacher so most of the class was clustered together, chatting with their friends.

“Frank told me that you want to hangout tomorrow,” Mikey said, leaning his elbows on my desk, “Does that mean that we have to meet your dad tomorrow, too?”

I nodded. “Yeah, that's okay with you guys?”

Mikey nodded. “It's a little nerve-wracking,” he muttered, “But it'll be fine, right?”

“Yeah, I promise. My dad isn't that bad. He's just looking out for me and trying to make sure I won't get caught up with another bad group of kids,” I explained, thinking back to dinner the night before, “He'd be completely biased if my sister has anything to do about it.”

Mikey frowned. “What's that mean?” he questioned.

I shook my head. “Ryder just wants me to pay for everything I've ever done,” I murmured, shrugging my shoulders, “She doesn't really think bad about you guys.”

Mikey pushed his glassed up higher on his nose. “What'd she say?”

“Mikey, don't worry about it-”

The boy cut me off. “Just tell me, Cyren. It's not going to bother me. People say bad things about me and Frank all the time. It's not that much a difference to hear it from your sister. We talk bad about her too.” He shrugged his shoulders and watched me with careful eyes.

I sighed loudly. “She said that high school was the best time of your brother's life and pretty much that he'd do anything to stay connected to it. She was trying to make my dad think that he would attach himself to me.”

Mikey was surprised and angered by my words. He shook his head vehemently. “That's such bullshit,” he growled, “Gerard hated high school. People messed with him all the time and he wasn't the same person back then. He tried to stick up for himself but it was always one against the world with him.” He pressed his teeth together in anger and ran his fingers roughly through his hair.

“I'm sorry,” I said, “I didn't want to upset you, Mikey. Ryder's just trying to cause my dad to make me stay home. In some weird way, I think she's looking out for me.”

Mikey shook his head. “Sounds like she doesn't like you very much.”

I shrugged my shoulders. “I've been a jerk to her in the past,” I defended.

Mikey rolled his eyes. “Gerard and I have been pretty mean to each other in the past,” I said, “But he would never do anything to make my life harder.”

“You two grew up together,” I replied, leaning my elbows on the table, “I decided to stay with my mom instead of going with my dad, which meant saying goodbye to Noah and Ryder.”

A few kids laughed loudly in the back of the room and the teacher stood from her desk and walked over to them, hopefully to quiet them for the rest of the class. Mikey was watching with a hopeful glance as she said something to them before heading back to her desk. Within minutes they were back to shouting and throwing things again.

“I hate high school,” I grumbled, rolling my eyes, “I don't know why I decided to come back.”

Mikey smiled. “You met me and Frank,” he offered, “Isn't that a plus?”

I nodded. “Yeah, but being away from Micah is terrible.” I glanced at the clock without thinking.

“Only fifteen more minutes,” Mikey said, catching my gaze.

I nodded, relieved. “Then I have to wait forever to get out of the parking lot,” I grumbled, “This school really needs to regulate better.”

“Yeah, you're right,” he chuckled before he changed the subject, “Will I get to meet Micah tomorrow too?”

I nodded slowly. “Yeah, probably. We're just friends so I don't see a problem with you guys meeting him. He loves people.”

After class Mikey and I headed to the front of the school where Frank was waiting for us. I sat on the ledge with them and waited for Gerard to show up after the parking lot had cleared up. Once again the boys dragged me over to Gerard's car so they could tell him about me driving them to my house tomorrow.

“Gee!” Frank shouted as he climbed into the backseat, “You remember Cyren. She's taking us home tomorrow!”

Gerard pushed the passenger's door open for Mikey and smiled at me. “You're kidnapping my baby brother tomorrow?” he questioned, smiling brightly, “And Frankie, too?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “For a little while,” I replied, “We're probably going somewhere after they meet my dad.”

“They're meeting your dad?” he asked while smirking, “Is this a date or something?”

Frank roughly kicked the back of Gerard's seat. “Shut up, Gee. You just don't know anything about strict parents.”

“It's not my fault my parents believe in relaxed parenting!” he defended, laughing as Mikey climbed into the passenger's seat.

“You make them sound like terrible parents,” Mikey claimed, frowning at his older brother.

Gerard rolled his eyes. “I was not. I was just saying that they're very relaxed parents and they give us our freedom, Mikes.”

I grabbed onto the door and pushed it shut now that Mikey was fully inside. The automatic window rolled down and Gerard smiled at me across his brother. “So will you also be dropping them off or should I pick them up tomorrow?”

“I'll bring them back,” I answered, looking into the window, “Don't worry about it.”

“I'm not worried,” he replied, starting the car again.

“We'll probably go back to my house, that okay?” Mikey asked me, looking up through the rolled down window.

“Sounds like a plan,” I told him with a smile, “I'll run in by my dad tonight.”

Gerard put the car in gear as Frank and Mikey said goodbye. The older boy nodded and added, “See you tomorrow,” before he drove off, leaving me standing on the curb alone.

I walked to my car and buckled up. I picked Micah up from his daycare and just held him in my arms for a few minutes. Anita smiled at me softly from across the room and I waved goodbye as I carted him to the office to sign Micah out of the building.

“Mama,” Micah said as he latched his little arms tightly around my neck.

I smiled at the woman in the office as I wrote Micah's name, the time, and then signed my name in cursive on the right.

“Have a good night,” she called, “Bye Micah.”

“Thanks, you too,” I replied, lifting Micah higher on my hips as I headed towards the exit. I crossed the parking lot and strapped Micah into his car-seat. It wasn't until now that I realized that I would be doing this exact thing tomorrow with Mikey and Frank in the car. “You're going to meet Mama's friends tomorrow,” I said to Micah as I climbed into the driver's seat. “Are you excited?”

The little boy clapped his hands, something he'd recently associated with the word 'excited'. I started the car, buckled my seatbelt and headed home to break the news to my dad that he'd be watching Micah for me tomorrow night.