The Lisp
The Lisp
“They’ll be really hurt if you don’t go,” was what Stefan had told me as we left our apartment in the middle of the coldest day ever carrying the present he’d bought his nephew that already weighed too much. My knuckles were turning white as Stefan reached awkwardly backwards to slam the door closed behind us before he took the lead, making my tiny steps in the snow a lot easier as I tried to use the ones he’d just made. “They’ll want to see their Uncle Brian.”
“I’m not their fucking uncle, Stef, and I’m too bloody hung over for this shit,” I snapped at him, because now, he was really getting on my nerves. The party was only a few blocks away, but it was too far. It was only for the afternoon, but it was too long. It wasn’t necessarily that I was just hung over; it was painfully obvious that I was hung over, in that way that would have me yelled at by Sadie for showing up like that in front of her kids as they called me their family, just to make it worse. She’d done the same thing at Christmas when Stefan had then also insisted we go, and I’d agreed just to keep the peace. I guess I also didn’t want to be alone on Christmas day, but I would have happily sat alone in our apartment finishing off the whiskey had I known how exhausting that day would have turned out to be. Though, how was I to know I’d collapse on her front door step and almost cut my head open to bleed all over her carpet? Ugh.
“Brian!” Stefan snapped under his breath at me. My eyes had again slipped shut as I rested my head in the palms of my hands at a table set up towards the back of the room. “You’re falling asleep again.”
“I know.”
“You should at least try to enjoy yourself.” I was about to tell him the things I’d rather be doing back at our apartment, when little Tessie came charging towards me.
“Uncle Brian! Uncle Brian! Can we braid your hair like we did at Christmas?” I smiled down at her as I shook my head, trying to make the disappointment a little softer. Her shoulders dropped and she walked back off to her friends, a few of whom I recognised, and they went back outdoors to run around. If only they’d all go outdoors, then I could have a quick nap.
I jumped all of a sudden, and was surprised when Stefan hadn’t turned his head to wonder why the table shook so violently. I’d felt a hand on my upper back, and heard a voice close to my ear.
“It’s time to go, Brian Molko. You must follow me.” I’d seen too many movies, and listened to too many idiots go on about death and superstition, but I was tired and angry and a little bit buzzy from the cake earlier, so instead of turning around straight away I’d yelped in a rather unattractive manner and just about pissed myself. “You must follow me.” I peeled my eyes away from the rather unimpressive blank wall ahead of me and turned around to find not Death, but a clown, though looking not too far from it, I guess. His clothes were dirty and stained; he was missing a flower-shaped button on his front, and his oversized left shoe had a hole in one side, revealing a striped pink and blue sock. He turned around and through a rip in his trousers his polkadot underwear was visible, which wasn’t very classy at all. I wondered how the fuck he got into Sadie’s house, let alone how she was paying him to be there.
“Where are we going?” I asked as he took me by the arm, playing along with it as I saw the pained expression in his eyes. I wondered if perhaps a kid was hurt, or if something equally as horrific had happened.
“You are following me,” he replied simply, and said nothing else for a long time as he held my arm and I followed. I didn’t so much mind that though; he had a distinct lisp I couldn’t much stand, with my already short fuse and ever-growing headache doing my head in all by themselves.
It took me too long to realise how far we’d walked down a familiar hallway, without having reached the end yet. No one’s house was that big. Was this a party trick? Was he the magician? Was I the joke of the party? I’d kill Stefan if he were in on it all. I was too fucking tired for games. I snuck a look at the clown’s face to see that the worry had vanished now, and had been replaced with a beaming smile which was much more suited, but didn’t make things any clearer. I took another look at my surroundings then, trying to recognise something or to find another doorway to walk through.
“Where are we going?” I asked again, but stopped walking immediately as the room began to blur at the edges. Things were changing, but I couldn’t be sure just what had changed as I re-opened my eyes again in fear. I could feel the cold sweat running in lines down my back, and I knew my expression gave it all away.
“We must continue,” the clown said firmly to me, grabbing my hand and dragging me along as my feet refused to move by themselves. I wasn’t sure what had stopped me first: the nails that were sticking right out from the beams around the next archway we were to walk through, or the mysterious crimson stain on the carpet in the empty room ahead. So, we’d reached the end of the hall, but I wasn’t any happier.
I was pushed inside the open room as we got to it, landing not too far from the mysterious crimson stain that looked and now that I was laying on it, smelt a lot like blood. I scrambled to my feet but stopped moving as my eyes caught on the shine coming from the clown’s hand, where I noticed what looked like a giant broken spur off a horse shoe, or perhaps a pizza cutting utensil. Whatever it was, it was sharp, but my eyes didn't see any other way out but past him.
“Now, I don’t know what’s going on here,” I began, “But I can get pretty nasty.” My threat only made his grin widen, and the makeup on his face smeared it to one side. I noticed as it occurred that there had been shutters on the walls around us, which opened and let in a wave of laughter and cheerful banter along with far too much light.
“It is time!” I heard a voice raised above the rest shout, and then I was screaming as the clown came at me laughing, and much faster than I could have predicted. I could do nothing as I felt a blackness fall around me and my body jerked, the laughter still ringing in my ears.
“Brian!” I jumped, and Stefan looked startled as he stared back at me. “I’ve been telling you to wake the fuck up for pizza before it gets cold,” he whispered as a few kids came over to hover around the table. I blinked a few times and closed my eyes once more, the light from the window hurting as I remembered how crap I felt again. “Sorry… Sadie had insisted she opened the blinds, regardless of your little nap.”
“I was napping?”
“Yes?”
“Oh Stef, I had the worst fucking nightmare of my life…”
“Watch your language!” he snapped, and a few of the kids laughed. I began to tell him all about it before I got up to the walk down the hallway that never seemed to end and stopped, knowing how stupid I sounded. A hand rested on my upper back then, and made an effort to press a little harder.
“Watch yourself,” came a voice softly in my ear. I tried to concentrate just on the words, but all I’d heard was that lisp.
“I’m not their fucking uncle, Stef, and I’m too bloody hung over for this shit,” I snapped at him, because now, he was really getting on my nerves. The party was only a few blocks away, but it was too far. It was only for the afternoon, but it was too long. It wasn’t necessarily that I was just hung over; it was painfully obvious that I was hung over, in that way that would have me yelled at by Sadie for showing up like that in front of her kids as they called me their family, just to make it worse. She’d done the same thing at Christmas when Stefan had then also insisted we go, and I’d agreed just to keep the peace. I guess I also didn’t want to be alone on Christmas day, but I would have happily sat alone in our apartment finishing off the whiskey had I known how exhausting that day would have turned out to be. Though, how was I to know I’d collapse on her front door step and almost cut my head open to bleed all over her carpet? Ugh.
“Brian!” Stefan snapped under his breath at me. My eyes had again slipped shut as I rested my head in the palms of my hands at a table set up towards the back of the room. “You’re falling asleep again.”
“I know.”
“You should at least try to enjoy yourself.” I was about to tell him the things I’d rather be doing back at our apartment, when little Tessie came charging towards me.
“Uncle Brian! Uncle Brian! Can we braid your hair like we did at Christmas?” I smiled down at her as I shook my head, trying to make the disappointment a little softer. Her shoulders dropped and she walked back off to her friends, a few of whom I recognised, and they went back outdoors to run around. If only they’d all go outdoors, then I could have a quick nap.
I jumped all of a sudden, and was surprised when Stefan hadn’t turned his head to wonder why the table shook so violently. I’d felt a hand on my upper back, and heard a voice close to my ear.
“It’s time to go, Brian Molko. You must follow me.” I’d seen too many movies, and listened to too many idiots go on about death and superstition, but I was tired and angry and a little bit buzzy from the cake earlier, so instead of turning around straight away I’d yelped in a rather unattractive manner and just about pissed myself. “You must follow me.” I peeled my eyes away from the rather unimpressive blank wall ahead of me and turned around to find not Death, but a clown, though looking not too far from it, I guess. His clothes were dirty and stained; he was missing a flower-shaped button on his front, and his oversized left shoe had a hole in one side, revealing a striped pink and blue sock. He turned around and through a rip in his trousers his polkadot underwear was visible, which wasn’t very classy at all. I wondered how the fuck he got into Sadie’s house, let alone how she was paying him to be there.
“Where are we going?” I asked as he took me by the arm, playing along with it as I saw the pained expression in his eyes. I wondered if perhaps a kid was hurt, or if something equally as horrific had happened.
“You are following me,” he replied simply, and said nothing else for a long time as he held my arm and I followed. I didn’t so much mind that though; he had a distinct lisp I couldn’t much stand, with my already short fuse and ever-growing headache doing my head in all by themselves.
It took me too long to realise how far we’d walked down a familiar hallway, without having reached the end yet. No one’s house was that big. Was this a party trick? Was he the magician? Was I the joke of the party? I’d kill Stefan if he were in on it all. I was too fucking tired for games. I snuck a look at the clown’s face to see that the worry had vanished now, and had been replaced with a beaming smile which was much more suited, but didn’t make things any clearer. I took another look at my surroundings then, trying to recognise something or to find another doorway to walk through.
“Where are we going?” I asked again, but stopped walking immediately as the room began to blur at the edges. Things were changing, but I couldn’t be sure just what had changed as I re-opened my eyes again in fear. I could feel the cold sweat running in lines down my back, and I knew my expression gave it all away.
“We must continue,” the clown said firmly to me, grabbing my hand and dragging me along as my feet refused to move by themselves. I wasn’t sure what had stopped me first: the nails that were sticking right out from the beams around the next archway we were to walk through, or the mysterious crimson stain on the carpet in the empty room ahead. So, we’d reached the end of the hall, but I wasn’t any happier.
I was pushed inside the open room as we got to it, landing not too far from the mysterious crimson stain that looked and now that I was laying on it, smelt a lot like blood. I scrambled to my feet but stopped moving as my eyes caught on the shine coming from the clown’s hand, where I noticed what looked like a giant broken spur off a horse shoe, or perhaps a pizza cutting utensil. Whatever it was, it was sharp, but my eyes didn't see any other way out but past him.
“Now, I don’t know what’s going on here,” I began, “But I can get pretty nasty.” My threat only made his grin widen, and the makeup on his face smeared it to one side. I noticed as it occurred that there had been shutters on the walls around us, which opened and let in a wave of laughter and cheerful banter along with far too much light.
“It is time!” I heard a voice raised above the rest shout, and then I was screaming as the clown came at me laughing, and much faster than I could have predicted. I could do nothing as I felt a blackness fall around me and my body jerked, the laughter still ringing in my ears.
“Brian!” I jumped, and Stefan looked startled as he stared back at me. “I’ve been telling you to wake the fuck up for pizza before it gets cold,” he whispered as a few kids came over to hover around the table. I blinked a few times and closed my eyes once more, the light from the window hurting as I remembered how crap I felt again. “Sorry… Sadie had insisted she opened the blinds, regardless of your little nap.”
“I was napping?”
“Yes?”
“Oh Stef, I had the worst fucking nightmare of my life…”
“Watch your language!” he snapped, and a few of the kids laughed. I began to tell him all about it before I got up to the walk down the hallway that never seemed to end and stopped, knowing how stupid I sounded. A hand rested on my upper back then, and made an effort to press a little harder.
“Watch yourself,” came a voice softly in my ear. I tried to concentrate just on the words, but all I’d heard was that lisp.