Polygamy

What can be said about me that hasn't been said before? Well, nothing, given the time it takes to put proper thought into my upbringing. I'm well mannered, polite, quiet, and perfectly obedient in ways that would make dominant's swoon. My father once compared me to a prized mutt in a dogfight, due to the fact that I could take orders well enough, and liked to show me off to people who's children were raging brats. Looking back on my childhood, I see that all I ever was, all he'd ever seen me as, was a prize winning dog. This assumption sheds light on the fact that I've grown into a proper submissive to a dominant who's still searching for another soul to add to our growing family. He's just searching for another heart to hold, one that isn't mine, and slowly ruin.

I knew what to expect when all this started. I knew, from the very beginning, that the love I'd receive from the dominant who chose me wouldn't belong to me alone. The families are meant to grow, prosper, thrive and set a picture perfect example for all the younger members of the community. They're supposed to look up at their elders and say, "I want my family to be as perfect as your family is."

The people I see day in and day out, the people who walk around with wide grins stretched across their faces, are the ones I seem to have a problem with. They have such a, seemingly, strong family dynamic and I often find myself wondering if my bond with the submissive's that have yet to grace me with their presence will grow into something loving? Will we be able to trust one another? Can we all run to each other if we're having a bad day? What about when my lingering fear of jealousy takes over, because it's been known to get the better of some, will they feel the same?

I'm not so sure that I can handle having to share a lover with another set of people. I have no real respect for families that don't really seem like families at all. These are the thoughts that plague me as I sit in front of my mirror and count the number of times the brush flows through my hair. It's all unnecessary, the little things I do in my spare time, but it's better to be distracted than aware. I'd rather sit and pretend that I'm the only person left standing in the world, that I don't have to share my good fortunes with others, than interact with others unless it's called for.

I'm not trying to sound like a bad or selfish person, I'll undoubtedly love my family as it grows, but the shame from feeling the way I do is slowly eating me up and I have no idea where to go from here. Let's just hope that I'm not alone in feeling this way.