Triangles

I caught a cold, unsurprisingly. My face is swollen painfully and my hearing has gone iffy in one ear. I can't breathe properly through my nose and my throat aches with all the coughing. I hate being sick, but I love it at the same time cause I get to stay home and watch movies and drink tea all day. Gavin has Rugby practice everyday and Jan is working hard as ever, leaving me to watch all the movies I want on Netflix. Jan had taken a small TV up to my room to give me more privacy. I really appreciate that, because it's really not nice to be home alone, lazing around half naked because you're overheating and then Gavin walks in and gets all suggestive. I’m never going there again.

Sean had asked if he could come over. It probably isn't a good idea because of my sickness and all, but Gavin’s out with Rugby and Jan’s working until 9, so I’m all alone. I want to see Sean again anyway. There's a lot I don't know about him and a lot I'd like to know. I can trust him a lot more, too. I feel like I can open up about myself and my family and my personal feelings. I could spend everyday of my life with Sean, he's my closest friend in the whole world and nobody can every replace him. I doubt even Gavin could.

I’m running around my room, desperately trying to get ready. I want to look my best, for some reason. I don't often make myself look nice for people. It's not something that bothers me. Today, I settle for skinny khaki jeans and a lacy jumper thing, with a black tank top underneath. I’m still sweltering from the non-existent heat. Trust me to get a hot flush when I have a cold! The doorbell rang as I combed my hair. Sean came in by himself, he just rung to let me know he was there.

"Hi! You're all sick too?" he asked, giving me a hug. He sounds all bunged up and full of cold like me. At least I'm not alone!

"Pretty much! You shouldn't have kept me outside in the rain" I tease, leading him into the kitchen. His hands are cold and clammy, it’s still raining. A storm is heading our way and there are flood warnings all around the country. "Coffee?" I offer.

"Sure, thanks. I'd quite like my hoodie back too" he jumps up on the table. He has a very slim, but almost tubby body if that works. His arms and legs are thin but he has a tubby stomach. He's nice and cuddly, which is why I love being around him. When we were in the tree house the other day, he let me snuggle into his side, and I almost fell asleep on him!

"Jan washed it for you. I was thinking we could watch movies all afternoon, and sniff our way to recovery! I have a huge list on IMDB of movies I want to watch. Maybe we could watch some of them?" I suggest, making Sean a coffee. I make myself one too.

"Like what?" he asks, taking a sip.

"Well I still haven't got around to watching Donnie Darko, so we just have to watch that. That's the movie when the kid keeps seeing this creepy bunny thing. Then there's A Clockwork Orange, No Country for Old Men and Psycho" I reply. I don't just like horrors, I like classics and sci-fis and all sorts. There are movies out there you just have to watch, like No Country for Old Men. There are the cult classics that you simply have to see before you die, hence Donnie Darko and then there are the simple ones like A Clockwork Orange that are fascinating. I'd love to see all the classics of every genre then all the unknown ones and the really trashy ones. I want to watch everything!

"Sure, let's go" he said, slipping down elegantly from the counter. He follows me upstairs to my room, holding onto my hand. I love holding Sean's hand. He's always warm and comforting. His grip isn't forceful and overprotective like Gavin's, he's very caring towards me. It's like he's holding my hand to show me he cares for me. That's impossible, though. I'm not very lovable at all. I don't see why people like me. I guess I'm quite pretty some days, and maybe I'm skinny enough to be passed as pretty. My personality isn't the nicest, I'm mean and outspoken and I come across as a rebel. I don't try to be, I seem to do what I want when I want and I say what's on my mind. There isn’t a filtering system between my mind and my mouth.

We set up Donnie Darko on Netflix and Sean and I snuggl up on my bed. He wrapped his arms around my waist and holds me close into his side. I can feel his heart pounding against my ear, like a soothing rhythm. Sean makes me smile so much. More than Gavin ever could. There's something that is lacked in Gavin but made up for by Sean. Sean is witty, caring and clever. Gavin is self centred, obsessive and stupid. Maybe I am going wrong with him, and I'd be better of with Sean. I like the idea of being with Gavin anyway.

Donnie Darko is dark and eerie, and I found it quite moving. It’s interesting. Somehow, I can see myself in Donnie. My search for my own identity and piece of mind is driving me insane, like Donnie's. But I'm not seeing creepy bunnies. I'd like to, because the dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had. But at the same time, like Donnie, it's isolating me from the ones I love. I guess I grew up too quickly. I wanted to know what the meaning of life was and was so scared of being lonely so I isolated myself, and scared everyone. Similar things happen to Donnie. Except he sees a big creepy rabbit, and a jet engine kills him. The ending scene is heartbreaking.

"Good movie, eh?" Sean yawns, rubbing my side. He sat up and switched the TV off, stretching his arms above his head. His shirt rode up his body, revealing his slim, pale body. He isn't muscular like Gavin. I can imagine him to be the one to sit out of sports.

"Yea, it was great!" I reply, tackling him with a hug. He laughed and curled his arms around my waist. "I'm hungry" I complain. Sean laughed again and looked me in the eye, a small smile playing on his face. He’s so sweet!

"You're always hungry! Chinese take away, then? Mam gave me some change to get us lunch ‘cause she's awesome like that" he laughs. I nod eagerly and clamber off him. We go downstairs and Sean phoned the takeaway, ordering us both sticky chilli chicken. Sticky chilli is awesome!

"Umm, Echo, what happened to your parents?" He asks curiously. He blushed and shuffled his feet awkwardly. I’ve waiting for the question. I know what happened to Sean's father, it’s only fair he knows what happened to mine. It was hard for him to tell me about his home life but it showed his trust.

"They left me. They put me in a mental home and never came back. Mum promised she'd come one day and she'd be there but she never did. Last thing I saw of her was her back. I bet she's glad I'm gone but everything's sorting itself out. I guess I can cope without them" I sigh sadly, jumping up on the counter. I stare at my toes and play with my fingers, trying to be strong. I've spent most my childhood saying I can cope but imagine what it feels like to walk down a supermarket aisle on mother’s day and see young people buying their mother's chocolates and teddies. Then I'm the one who doesn't even fucking know my mother's name. Imagine what it feels like to hear other children talk about their parents – and you having no idea what they look like. "I used to sit and wait for her but she didn't care"

"Echo...." Sean said softly. He slips his arms around my waist again, our faces level. His eyes are full of sympathy for me. "That's awful!"

"It's okay, honestly, I'm fine, I swear!" I try to convince him but I’m already crying. I want my mother back more than anything. I don't understand why she had to leave me. She created me and she made me the psychotic freak I am. I'm her DNA and yet she pushed me away because I was different. You teach people to accept blacks and disabled people but what about the ones who're fucked in the head?

"It's not okay, Echo. I shouldn't have asked. It's none of my business anyway. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry" he said quickly, hugging me tightly. I cry into his chest, just glad to have someone. He rubbed my back and rocked me gently in his arms. If I didn't have Sean I'd have no one. I can't go crying to Gavin, he'd push me away. My pain doesn't matter to him that much. I'm just someone he can use, and I know that. I want to be with him though, because for a few glorious moments a day he cares about me.

I stop crying and stay close to Sean, taking him in. He is a wonderful human being. That's something I'd never thought I'd say. Really though, Sean lights up my world. Have you ever had someone you can just chill with, without caring about anything else? I never have. Sean is a gift. He's a gift to the world. His bleached white hair and glowing hazel orbs are enough to make anyone smile. He’s hilarious, sweet and caring. I've never connected with someone like I have with him. I want Sean to stay by my side forever, until we're both old and grey. We can watch horror movies and eat Chinese food forever. Just us in a tiny apartment. I'd love a life like that. The food came and Sean and I headed into the front room. We decide not to watch anything, just talk. I want to know more about him.

"Okay...confessions! Who is the sexiest person on earth?" Sean asks teasingly. He knows I don't find people attractive, but we joke like any normal friends. Sean is my one and only friend.

"Stu Richardson! I mean, seriously how can a man be nearly 40 and still look that hot?!?" I laughed. But seriously. Stuart is perfect. End of. "Now you"

"Susan Boyle. Defiantly" he joked. I laughed. It‘s very typical of Sean to joke like that. I love him for it. In a friendly way, of course. I don't love. Well, maybe I like him a little bit, but only a little bit! "But right now, you're looking pretty hot in those jeans" he winks. Yeah you can tell he's mates with Gavin.

"If you keep feeding me Chinese food I won't be" I tease in response. I can handle a compliment from him, because I feel like it's coming from the heart.

We talk for a while, and I find out loads about him. He loves animals, especially dogs. He isn't too keen on Gavin's cats. He screams in a band and spends most of his time with them. Gavin's in the same band too, they're called The Blackout. I’m really eager to hear their stuff. With every word he says I seem to like him even more. I began to love his smile and his laugh and the way he curled his knees up to his body. I love the way he teases and jokes and messes around. His cute little compliments make me smile more than anything. He makes my heart pound in my chest in some odd, fluffy way.

It's not love, though. Just a strong friendship. I'm just getting along with him and starting to like him in a friendly way. I'm just finding a human I can cope with. There aren't many people I can sit with and have an intelligent conversation with. Sean's the only one in fact. Love doesn't even exist; it's just a stupid little lie.

"I'm gonna have to go" he sighs sadly, stretching. "I keep forgetting to ask, how was the Cardiff trip? If you wanna come over on Saturday you can tell me then, maybe...?" he suggests.

"Sure!" I reply quickly, tackling him again. His fingers tangle in my hair as he holds me into him. I can feel his breath against my ear - warm and soothing. I smile, loving the feeling of his warm body beneath me. I feel safe, protected. I place my head on his chest and look up at him, grinning. He's special to me.

"One more thing before I go?" he asks. He blushed and he helped me sit up, holding onto my hands. He looks down and takes a deep breath. He has something important to say. "Well I don't like you being with Gavin because I like you. You've probably already worked that out by now but you're the sweetest thing in this whole entire world. You're really beautiful, really caring. I know you can love someone but no one's shown you how to. Gavin isn't the way. I don't want to see you get hurt, especially not by him. He'll find a way to get under your skin and he'll leave you broken. You're too amazing to be hurt, Echo. I don't want you to cry over him. Stop saying he won't hurt you because he will. I promise you that. But I promise, I swear over my dead father's grave I'll never hurt you. I'll never let you down. If you just let yourself love someone you wouldn't be so afraid. I promise I'll never hurt you, you mean too much to me to do that"

He lent forwards and softly pressed his lips to mine. His touch so soft and inviting and the burning feeling of desire rose in my stomach again. I want to hold him there and let myself love him, but I’m too stunned to move. He’s gone before I could react. I hear the front door slam and I know he’s gone. I hope he doesn't feel rejected; his words have just taken such an impact on my heart. Sean cares way more than Gavin does.