Triangles

And all through the summer, Gavin and I got along. He genuinely cares for my feelings. I noticed a change in him, one for the better. He stopped treating me like shit around his friends, but instead began to show me off, as though he were proud of me. I'm not an outcast anymore, or a freak. I'm treated equally by all his friends, like any normal teenager should be. I stopped fearing him long ago and relaxed around him. His muscles aren't a threat anymore. He's not afraid of my complex disorders anymore. Sometimes we'll sit and talk about them, and he's gaining a better understanding and a clearer perspective of people like me. All in all, socially things are getting better. I have more friends than just Sean and Gavin. I have Snoz and Matthew and James and Rhys. Even Sean began to see that maybe Gavin could help me! He stopped nagging and complaining and all feelings I ever had for him were long forgotten. Most importantly, I'm happy.

Summer is very nearly over. I can feel it in the air. The kids on the street are all dreading it, but for me it's no problem. I'm looking forward to going back to my normal routine, even though I hate it. Maybe back in school I can slip back into the shadows and carry out life the way I did before.

"So I guess I'll see you on Friday?" Gavin asks into the phone. He's been on the phone to whoever the hell it is for about an hour. From what I can gather, someone's organising a party, as some sort of farewell to summer. I guess it's also because we only have two terms left of secondary education. It's going to be jam packed with exams and all that, but I'm really looking forward to college. I'm going to take the Welsh Bac, and English, Science and History A Levels. Finally, Gavin hung up.

"What's going on?" I ask.

"There's a party on Friday on some of Matthew's land. Most of the school's going. What about you? Care to tag along?" he explains. I don't like big rowdy parties with lots of people. I shake my head and scrunch up my nose.

"No thanks, I have some coursework for English to do" I lie. He'll never know, we hardly have any lessons together anyway.

"So? Who cares about school!? Enjoy summer while you can, you deserve it little darling!" Gavin laughs. He sat down by my side and hooked an arm around me. I care about school. I mean, it's the only chance I'll get at making a difference to my life. It's the starting point of making a difference to the world. Maybe one day I'll be the one to save the children!

Gavin sighs and stands up again. I don't think he likes me like this. He wants me to be confident and social and actually interact with people. I'm okay with that, on small scales. I like it when we have a few mates round when Jan's working at night. We get a take out pizza or something and watch a load of movies. I think I ruin pretty much every movie by explaining the outcome within the first five minutes. I try not to.

"Well never mind. Sorry I asked, just thought it'd be a little fun" He sighs. I feel a little bad for letting him down, but I really hate big parties. "I'm going whether you like it or not" he adds. That's fine by me.

"Sorry...it's just, I'd like to make a difference to my life, y'know? I know I'm not the best with relationships of any kind and it's something I've got to work on so why not start with good grades to get a head start?" I apologise. I know I don't look like I make an effort in school, some compulsory classes annoy me (like Law) and I really wish I hadn't taken French. I do try, though. I finish most class work off as homework. Gavin sat down again, rubbing my shoulder.

"It's okay, I understand" he said. I smile and nestle into him. "But this is only GCSE, it's not all that important, right?"

"Actually most employers’ look for at least a C grade in GCSE" I point out. Maths is a defiantly a fail subject for me.

"Whatever. Hey, Echo, can I ask you something?" he asks.

"You just did"
"Don't be a smartass"
"Sorry, ask away"

He takes a deep breath, as though he’s planning what he’s about to say very carefully. You have to when I'm in the equation. It doesn't take a lot to annoy me and piss me off. He learnt that the hard way. He takes both my hands and looks me straight in the eye. His eyes are so beautiful! "Do you trust me?" he asks.

"It's still growing, but I guess I can" I reply after a while. I still sometimes think Gavin can hurt me, but he banishes those feelings quickly. I'm sometimes not sure he even cares, but like I said, it's getting better and I'm happier.

"That's good. You know how I feel about you, right?" he asks.

"Yup, you think I'm hot" I reply flatly. He laughs and hugs me again. It's true! Well it was at least, he only used to like me for my appearance.

"No, Echo. That's not true! Yes, you are very beautiful but I like you for more than that. I really love the way you smile and the way you walk and all, but you're such a unique person! I think your arrogance and coldness is just a barrier you built for yourself to keep others out. You're afraid of people like me coming in, in case you get hurt. Behind your eyes there's some reason why you're like this, am I right? I'll do anything to show you that love is possible. It'll take a little commitment from you, so I have one more question," his words make me feel strangely happy. I feel cared for and...loved. "Do you think you feel the same way about me?"

My head’s screaming 'NO NO NO!!!! He's just a guy, walk away!! but my heart disagrees. Yes, I feel the same way about Gavin. Or do I? I started this whole...thing with him just for an experience and I promised myself there would be no commitments. Sean had constantly been warning me about how Gavin might hurt me, but now I feel different. Now, I feel like I have something with him. When I wake up he's the first thing that crosses my mind and he makes me smile. I like the morning hugs and the way he treats me. I feel loved and protected around him. Somewhere up in my head. I feel the trap I'm walking into spring up around me, caging me behind the bars. My heart’s right this time. Mother always said I should follow my head and not my heart (Yeah not the best advice I guess) - but what did she care? She didn't know a thing about love. Gavin does, and he can love me, right? With time, things will sort themselves out.

"Yeah, I think something good can work" I reply with a smile. Gavin's face lights up almost immediately. His smile lit up the whole room like a flame. The happiness that radiates from him is so overwhelming. I don't think I've ever seen him so happy before! He threw himself at him into a hug, strong arms holding me tightly.

"So you like me?" he asks. I frown, thinking of an answer. Do I like Gavin?

"Maybe just a little" I blush madly. I sound like a fucking Disney toy! Gavin's grip on me tightens in joy.

"See? Didn't we tell you love existed?" he teases. I roll my eyes.

"I never said I love you. Keep at it, and one day I might" I look up at him and smile warmly. His lips met mine softy.

"Well just for the record, I love you"