Six Feet Under the Stars

Alex tried to smile through the tears, down. His hands were shaking violently and his stomach was having trouble not pushing bile into his throat. Baltimore was cold this time of year and he felt like his heart had been torn from his chest. He sighed followed by a cough and sniffed, holding the tears in his eyes back. Today his brother had killed himself. The person that Alex looked up to more than anyone had taken his own life. He didn't understand what made Tom do it...his life was perfect. More perfect than Alex's for sure. It was Alex's senior year and his life was tailspinning downwards. He wanted to make music to make a difference. He knew that he was talented but everyone shut him out. He didn't have any friends except for Jack who didn't make anything easier by being so perfect. Alex was undoubtedly in love with the other boy and he hated it.
The wind blew a cold gust and the tears on his face veered on their path down to his chin. Shaking his head he looked up at the sky,
"There's always room for two six feet under the stars." Alex whispered. He was suddenly completely resolved to take his own life too. Life without his brother wasn't worth living. The all to familiar Razor was in his wallet and the bite of the blade was something that Alex craved. the scars on his legs were his dirty little secret. Not even Jack knew about them. he was proud of how well he kept his secret from the few who cared. he tried to stop so many times but people don't understand that its an addiction. the few times he gad cut his arms were his favorite. It was so easy to tell people it was something else. the pain of cutting his arm was so much better, so much more.
His phone buzzed and he licked his lips. It was probably Jack. He reached in his pocket and pulled out his phone.
"Hello?" He croaked into it.
"Lex?! What's wrong? I've called five times at least." Jack said worried. Hearing him talk like that made it harder for Alex to breath. That strong feeling of lust for his razor made his arm itch.
"E-everything." Alex choked out. It was met by silence for a few moments before Jack spoke softly.
"Alex where are you?" His knees were weak and he looked around him. A pier and an ice cream parlor looked very familiar and Alex felt himself drawn to the end of the pier. He remembered dangling his legs over the edge of that very pier, licking on his ice cream while Tom told him crazy stories about high school. He had Alex convinced it was a magical place where everyone liked you and wanted to be around you. A bitter lie for the scrawny boy. He felt tears streaming down his face and he closed his eyes taking a deep breath.
"Somewhere Tom used to tell me stories," he whispered hanging up on Jack. He didn't want the other boy to find him tonight, he didn't want the other boy to ever see him again. He hated his life without Tom. His brother was the only friend aside from Jack that he could ever talk too. His trembling steps led him to the edge of the pier and he slowly sat down. A smile crept across his face and he looked to the stars.

Flashback

"Alex how bout we buy a puppy?" Tom said his green eyes sparkling. Alex smiled and nodded his fourteen year old head. Tom smiled a brilliant white smile and ran a hair through his short cropped brown hair. "What kind?" He asked nudging his little brother who was picking at his chin. A smile took over Alex's face and he laughed,
"How bout a husky?! And we can train it to pull a sled and stuff!" He exclaimed. Tom cocked his head, frowned and pondered for a few seconds making Alex grin.
"That sounds amazing Alex! Good choice." He said with a thumbs up. Alex smiled and swung his feet out over the water. He watched as fish jumped up to eat the pieces of bread Tom had thrown from his leftover sandwich. Days like this were Alex's favorite. Spending time with his brother was the best part of the day and being on the pier was even better. Tom was the best brother Alex could have ever asked for.
"Tom?" Alex asked looking up at his brother who was texting.
"Yeah?" He said back not looking up.
"You're the best brother in the world," Alex smiled. Tom grinned ruffling Alex's hair.
"No you are Lex." He said hugging the smaller boy to his chest. "You're going to do great things in your life." He whispered. Alex smiled and shrugged his shoulders,
"As long as you're there with me!" He exclaimed. He couldn't imagine life without Tom.
"I will be," he said tightening the hug.
"Promise?" Alex whispered. Tom smiled into the blonde boys hair knowing perfectly well the weight of the promise.
"Promise." He whispered.

End of flashback

"You promised..." Alex whispered as tears cascaded down his pale cheeks. He couldn't handle the betrayal that he felt in his heart. The anguish of knowing he was alone now. Knowing that those happy memories were forever tainted. Forever he would have to think of Tom as someone who abandoned him. Shaking his head he slid the cold metal across his arm. A smile tugged the corner of his mouth as he sliced and sliced himself to pieces. One cut for every memory to bleed out of. The blood trickled down his arm onto his fingers, dripping into the water steadily. Alex felt so terrible inside but with every cut it got less and less difficult to bear.
"Lex?" He froze. Jack. He was suddenly aware of the other boy standing next to him. "What did you do?" He whispered. Alex looked away and closed his eyes.
"I helped myself." He muttered. Jack sat down next to him and pulled out a napkin from his pocket.
"what made you do this?" Jack asked. Alex felt numb, he was still crying but he didn't know why. He should have run out of tears by now. He felt like his lungs were deflated and his heart was broken. He would never be able to recover from this, not ever. Tom was his best friend and now he was dead. Alex wished Jack hadn't found him like this. The other boy was wearing a shirt he borrowed and a black coat. The blue from the shirt clashed with the deep black coat. His jeans were grey and had tears in them. He looked good and it made Alex's broken heart flutter. "Alex what happened?" He whispered putting his arm around the smaller boy. The raven haired boy pulled Alex closer and the blonde boys head ended up resting on Jacks chest. Alex didn't have any control over his body as sobs ripped through him. Jack clutched him tighter tears welling in his eyes.
"He broke his promise," Alex choked out burying his face in Jack's shirt. The taller boy frowned and put his face in Alex's hair. He was aware of blood from the blondes arm seeping onto his pants. He didn't want to let the boy go just for a pair of pants so he ignored it. He really didn't understand why Alex would do something like this because of a promise.
"What promise?" He whispered. Alex sobbed harder.
"Tom, he promised he would always be here with me," he said. Jack frowned and tilted his head.
"Alex what did Tom do?" He asked. He didn't understand what Alex meant. Did Tom move? Go off to a different college?
"He killed himself." Alex whispered voice full of anguish. Jacks heart dropped to his shoes and suddenly he understood why Alex would do this to himself.
"Alex I'm so sorry." Jack knew that didn't even cover it but he loved Alex so much and seeing him like this broke him. He needed Alex to know he would never leave him. "Lex let me wipe some of the blood off," Jack whispered.
"Just go, you don't need me in your life Jack. You don't want me around, you'll just leave me like Tom." Alex snarled pushing Jack away.
"I'm not going anywhere anytime soon Alex." He said. His eyes drifted to the gashes still oozing ruby droplets. Alex shook his head and looked out over the water. "Our relationship isn't a fucking time bomb Alex I'm here to stay," he said angrily. Alex looked up at him with wide sad eyes and a tear slipped down his cheek.
"I don't believe you," Alex whispered. He rubbed his arm and winced when he touched the cuts. Jack extended his hand to pull Alex closer. The other boy sniffed and scooted in. Jack really didn't understand why Alex was like this. He wasn't going anywhere and someone breaking one promise isn't a reason to never trust anyone again.
"You should," he said leaning over and wetting the napkin in the lake. He gently picked up Alex's arm and examined the cuts. They were deep and puckered at the edges. At least 50 of them traced up his arm leaving nasty blood splatters. Jack felt the air leave his lungs and he held back tears. He began dutifully cleaning the blood from Alex's arm. The blonde boy just stared blankly at the wood of the pier the occasional tear streaming down his face. "One year from today we will sit right here together Alex, I can promise you that." Jack whispered. Alex smiled and looked up,
"We'll see." He whispered.

One year later

Jack had decided exactly one year ago that this night would be the night to tell Alex how he feels. He promised he'd be standing right here and he was. He was more than nervous about telling Alex how he felt. The last year had been hard for the other boy and it was about time someone came along to make him smile. He knew Alex liked dudes and well..Jack was a dude. He wanted to be with the other boy so bad that it hurt. He had always had a huge crush on the handsome blonde. He didn't care what people said anymore. Tonight was the night Alex was graduating high school and Jack was awaiting his arrival. Standing on the pier he looked over the water with a smile on his thin lips. His suit was a little much but he hoped that Alex would like it. As he turned around he saw the other boy in his purple graduation gown walking towards him, tassel blowing in the wind. Jack smiled happily as Alex ran up to him. The first thing Jack noticed were the scars on Alex's arm. the ones from that night were dark compared to the newer ones that traced patterns on his pale arms. A smile creased Alex's face and he stopped a few feet short of Jack.
"Hi" he said simply. Jack extended a hand.
"I told you we'd be here tonight Lex," Jack whispered. He always knew this night would happen. Alex didn't say anything instead he crushed Jack in a hug. The blonde hair tickled Jacks nose and he smiled.
"Sorry I didn't believe you," Alex whispered.
"It's fine I understand why," he whispered back with a smile into the shorter boys hair. Standing there Alex felt like Tom would be proud of him and he hugged the taller boy to him. "Alex we need to talk about something," the raven haired boy whispered. Alex prickled, automatically assuming that it was about his cutting.
"Talk about what?" He asked warily. The taller boys heart was thumping in his throat and he wiped away a bead of sweat.
"Us," Jack heaved out. Alex pulled away and frowned at the tall boy.
"What about us?" He was frowning. Was Jack going to leave him like Tom did? His heart was beginning to crack. Without the raven haired boy he would be dead by now he couldn't handle him not being around.
"Alex I- this's at year has been hard but it made me realize how much I are about you" Jack whispered getting sweaty. He was so scared Alex would turn him down. "And I fell for you along the way," he finished. He watched the astonishment spread across Alex's face and a smile broke through. Jacks heart soared as Alex shed a tear.
"You fell for me? Fucked up Alex?" He whispered. Jack nodded.
"You aren't fucked up Alex and ye-" Alex cut him off
"Shut up and kiss me," he wrapped his arms around the taller boys neck and looked up. Jack smiled and leaned in, gently brushing his lips against the shorter boys. His heart leaped into action and he smiled nervously. Alex grew impatient and pressed his lips harder to Jacks. The feeling that it made him feel was almost unbearable. Jack was so happy in this moment that he could have died right then and there. Alex pulled away,
"There's always room for two six feet under the stars." He whispered and Jack smiled understanding exactly what he meant.

One year later

Alex and Jack sat in the pier, hand in hand. They leaned on each other and smiled up at the stars. Two years ago Alex was completely convinced he wouldn't ever be happy. But now he imagined he was the happiest man in the world. Jack was everything he could have wanted and now they were signed to a record label as the band "All Time Low" the blonde boy hadn't touched a razor since his graduation day. He had Jack now instead of self harm. Looking at the other boy he smiled. Jack kissed him tenderly and whispered,
"One year ago I came out to the boy I want to spend the rest of my life with. I love you Lex," Alex smiled and reached in his pocket, getting the ring he bought for Jack.
"Jack thanks to you I've been clean for a year. You are everything and anything I could have ever dreamed of. I want to grow old with you and make music forever with you. That's why I want to ask you to be my husband," he said pulling out the ring. Jacky's eyes got wide and he blinked a few times, after a few seconds his face cleared and a grin broke out on his face.
"Of course I will!" He hollered grabbing Alex's face and kissing him.
"Really?" He whispered. The tall boy nodded and bit his lip.
"Yes of course Lex," he said happily. Alex leaned in and kissed him gently.
"I love you Jack." Alex stated with a smile on his face.
"I love you too," the tall boy replied.
"Forever?"
"And always" and that promise was never broken.