Every Time I Look

"I did love her but she didn't like me."
"You were such a sweetheart. I bet she couldn't handle the amazing sex." I smiled thinly then,asked "is that when the depression started?"
He was quiet for a minute as I touched his cheek comforting.
" A year or two before."
He rolled off onto his side. I faced him. " babe, "I started softly . I was lost for words " I would have stayed."
He smiled. " I like your room. It's so emotional."
"that's what I was going for ." he chuckled. Curiously ,I asked him questions about his life .
" I think I'm giving you a question limit." he teased but still answered.
"I had friends but I rather be alone. I would try to be social but that was short. Girls, I liked were not like you . " he gave me a quick kiss," I don't why but I liked the cheerleaders who used me."
I nodded when pauses " you wanted to feel needed. I was used too." I kissed him. Two broken souls .
" I went therapists but to no avail. I was still miserable. I would find anyone willing to sleep with me since I've been hurt I have up on cheerleaders. I was mean ,babe."
" You're not now. Take your time."
He seemed thankfully .
" You wanna do it ?"
And there goes that. I sighed. His coping mechanism was to change the subject when he was uncomfortable.
"Ew. It would be like sleeping with all your girlfriends."
He laughed and kissed my cheek.
" how bout you tell me your story."
I shook my head no. He groaned. It's been seven months but I wasn't ready. I told him briefly about flings but never as he did.
" I know. It's only fair but I'll start crying if I do."
"fair enough. Answer me this," he
"How old we're you when you started ?" I knew what he meant.
" I was like 12 and I'm not telling you when I lost it." I knew him by now his secret plans.
He crinkled his nose . I cuddled closer to him.
"You have to let me in soon." he whispered as his mom yelled for us.