In Need

I listened to my grandma go on about her trip to Florida. She'd called me at half past eight, waking me. I was groggy from the ambien still in my system, but my grandmother was not going to let me off the phone. she was a talker. I pulled on yoga pangs, a hoodie and running shoes while she told me about the restaurants she'd visited. I made my hair look presentable as she raved about the seafood caught just off the coast and I picked up my purse before heading out of my apartment.

"So," She stopped going on about shellfish, "Enough about all that, how've you been, honey?" Her voice was soft and sweet, "Been workin' a lot?"

"Yeah," I answered; I was heading for starbucks and my caffeine fix, "I had a photoshoot for a magazine on Saturday." It had been five days since I'd been in front of the camera and I had no word from Norman about the pictures and if they'd be published.

"You've done a few of those," She said.

"But this one wasn't as Marilyn," I said, avoiding people as I dug out a cigarette and lit it.

"Why not?" She asked, making me feel small and overlooked.

"Because they wanted me?" I'd meant it as a statement, but it came out a question. Silence fell between us as I arrived at my destination. I worked on finishing my smoke.

"Your Dad's been callin' me," She changed topics effortlessly, adding to my feelings of self doubt, "He's tryina get a hold of you," I hadn't spoken to my father in two years, "He's gettin' married again this summer. You want me to give 'im your number?"

"I guess," I said, weighing my options. Once I started making more money, my dad had began calling me more frequently. I knew the money in my bank account affected how much he spoke to me, but like any child, all I wanted from him was love. I raised my eyes from the sidewalk, glancing towards Central Park, in the crowd of people crossing the street I spotted a familiar face. He was wearing a motorcycle jacket

"I hate how he only wants something to do with you when he needs something," she paused, "Or when he wants to look like he's been a father-" I tuned her out as Norman approached me. He gave me a shy smile and a wave, I returned his gestures, before he ducked into the coffee shop, "He probably wants you to help 'im pay for his weddin'," My grandma sighed, "Well, I'm gonna letcha go, I'll be callin' you soon."

"Okay," I said, "I love you."

"Love you, honey." I hit the end button on my phone and dumped my butt in the ashtray then headed into the store. Norman stood, coffee in hand, speaking with the young guy working.

"Thank you," Norman said, sounding gracious as the boy went on about how much of a fan he was, "You have no idea how much hearing things like this mean to me." His attention turned to me when I approached the counter, "Hey, can I talk to you for a second after you're done?" I nodded and Norman headed to the end of the counter to wait for me as I ordered my drink. When I pulled out my card to pay, the guy behind the counter told me Norman had already covered it. I moved down to where He stood and waited for my drink.

"You didn't have to do that," I said, watching the young guy make my drink, "Thank you, though."

"Anytime," He said, "I was going to give you a call later," He started, "Vogue is publishing one of your photos in the December issue." My drink was slid across the counter to me.

"Which one are they using?" I questioned, smiling proudly, as the two of us moved outside.

"It's one I took when you were talking to Darrah," Norman had lit a smoke, "I've got it on my phone," He pulled his iPhone out and tapped around on the screen a few times before showing me the photo. The picture was taken from the front, I was leaning back against the plain white wall we'd been shooting in front of and my hands were tucked the pockets of my jeans. The look on my face was one of concentration, my lips were slightly parted and the photo had been edited into black and white.

"Well?" He asked finally, "What do you think?"

"I like it," I decided, feeling awkward seeing a picture of myself.

"You look unsure," He said, taking a drag of his cig as he tucked his phone into his jacket pocket.

"It's just weird for me to-" I started, then stopped myself. Norman raised an eyebrow at me, "I'm just used to seeing a blonde wig."

"Do you have a portfolio?" Norman asked, it was my turn to go through my phone. I handed it over to him and let him go through the digital copy of my modeling portfolio, "There's not photos of you...out of costume," He pointed out, "You don't do any work just as you?" I blushed, feeling embarrassed and He noticed, "I didn't mean anything rude by that," He gave my phone back, "I think you're lovely as her, but more so like this." He gestured towards me.

I'd had two jobs in the five days since my shoot with Norman and both times I'd slipped that wig on, I wondered what I would do if I stopped being her.

"Thank you," I said, taking my phone back, "The, um, animal shelter is on Broadway and 81st, right?" I tried to steer the conversation elsewhere.

"There's one on Broadway and 86th," He told me, sipping his drink, "Getting a pet?"

"A cat," I smiled as a tour group pushed past us, making Norman moved a bit closer to me. We'd been partially blocking the doorway.

"I have a cat," He said, I remembered one of the photos he had in his room.

"The black one?" I asked, He looked at me with a look of confusion, "I saw a picture when i was in your room."

"Oh," He said as his cheeks turned scarlet, "Yeah." I giggled a little bit and got a small chuckle out of Norman. He looked so handsome standing there, I bit my lip and thought about my next move. We stood together awkwardly as commuters streamed around us, "Well, erm, what are you doing tonight?"

"Hosting a party," I said, "You could stop by if you're not doing anything. It's at this new club - tonight's the opening - it's called Echo. The doors open at 6."

"I've got a date tonight," He said, glancing off towards the park, then back to me, "Otherwise I would."

"It's all good," I said, feeling stupid for inviting him, "I'm going to get going, it was nice to see you."

"Nice seeing you too, Evie. Good luck with the party," He smiled and I thanked him before we parted ways.



"I've got a date," I muttered to myself, "Dumbass," I shoot my head and pulled out another smoke. I mentally beat myself up for the three block walk to my brownstone. My phone began to ring as I unlocked my front door.

"'Ello?" I asked, entering my house and dropping my keys on the table.

"Reedus!" Sean's voice came through.

"Back from vacation already?" I asked, pulling my coat off.

"Ya miss me?" He asked.

"Ehh," I responded with a smile, this was my best friend. Sean and Katie had taken a long vacation to Fiji, they'd decided to leave their phones home. We had a lot to catch up on and after I'd heard everything about Sean's trip, I wasted no time launching into everything that had happened with Evie.

"So, you pork her yet?" Sean asked bluntly.

"No-"

"You want to?"

"Well, yeah," I said, "But I mean, not just that. It's something-"

"Reedus, you're going soft on me," Sean sighed, I listened as he went on heckling me a bit and after I told him about the party and my date tonight, he encouraged me to cancel my date. His reasoning sounded better and better the more he spoke.



I'd been booked through midnight, but as soon as the clock struck twelve, like cinderella, I found myself transformed back into plain old me. I enjoyed the party and all the people, but pulling the wig off in the small dressing room was the best feeling I'd had all night. As I pulled my jeans up my legs, my phone chirped from the dressing table. I had a text from Norman.

Just got here, sitting at the bar. A smile crept over my face as I took one last look in the mirror, straightening out my long hair before leaving the room. I locked the door behind me and slipped the key I'd been given into my pocket. The club was busy, but I found Norman easily.

"Hi," I smiled, aware that I still had all of my makeup on.

"Hey," He grinned, leaning in a bit to make sure I heard him, "You wanna sit here? I can stand."

"No," I replied, "I'm okay," Ignoring what I said, Norman got up and insisted I took a seat on the stool. He was dressed in a black button down shirt and jeans, I guessed he'd just come from his date.

"So," I said, "How'd it go?"

"Left early," He said, he took a sip of the beer he held, "It was a blind date."

"Those can be rough," I said knowingly, "I've had some realllll bad ones."

"I always end up with these women that want to tell me about how they want to be models," He said, leaning on the bar, "It's like it's not about me, it's about a way to further their career."

"She ask you to take her picture?" I asked with a grin as the bartender came around, asking if we needed anything. I ordered a shot of whipped vodka and Norman told the bartender to put it on his tab along with another beer, "You don't have to do that," I said, as he finished off his drink, "I can-"

"Don't worry about it," He said with a shrug as our drinks were delivered, Norman started on his second beer and I downed my shot.

I looked at all the people dancing, "You wanna dance?" Norman looked wearily at the dance floor, "C'mon," I smiled and in a brave move I slipped a my hand into his and hopped off my barstool. I lead him into the sea of people, finding a small corner for us. I swayed slightly with the pop song playing as Norman watched for a few moments, looking unsure of what to do. I put a hand on either of his hips and got him moving.

"I hate dancing," He said, still smiling, "I don't have any rhythm."

"You just have to feel it," I responded, "Relax." I grinned up at him as he took a drink of his beer before leaning down to speak to me.

"How can you expect me to relax?" He murmured, his lips grazing my cheek while he ran a hand down my side and pulled me against him. I leaned into him as he pulled back enough to look me in the eyes, it was just seconds before our lips met in a series of feverish, needy kisses, "D'you want to go back to my place?" He asked once we finally broke apart. His hand was now resting on my ass.

"You're not gonna pass out on me, are you?" I asked, jokingly.

"No," He mumbled, squeezing a bit, "You think you can keep from swiping anything else from me?"

"Maybe," I returned, my fingers gripping his belt, "You might just have to keep me busy."



I laid with my head on Norman's chest, running my fingers deftly over his bicep. He tipped my chin up enough so he could kiss my lips gently, before letting his fingers go through my hair. I willed myself to pull away from him.

"I'm going to take a shower," He mumbled, "Want to join me?"

"No," I said, sitting up in his oversized bed, I'd noticed the photos missing from the walls and his dresser when we'd came stumbling over each other into the room, "I'm going to head home." I looked back at him as he sat up.

"You can stay," He said, glancing at the cable box for the time - it was almost three in the morning, "I wasn't going to kick you out."

"I don't stay," I said, "Go take your shower, I'll call a cab." I gave him a smile and despite his bothered look, pressed a kiss against his cheek. Without a goodbye, Norman got up out of bed and walked into the bathroom, shutting the door solidly. I collected my things and called a cab - I'd told Barney to head home after I decided to head home with Norman.



I sat on the couch in my living room, my head swimming in a drug induced fog as I watched the sky begin to turn lighter shades of purple. I was mad at myself for leaving Norman's; I had liked the way he'd been making me feel, but I knew it was pointless to get close to him - or anyone. I knew this would end like the other men I'd seen since moving into the city. They liked what they saw when they looked at me and the sex, but they didn't like me and they would never, ever love me. I thought about what my grandma had said about my father and I wondered about his intentions as I shook another ambien into my palm. I slipped the pink pill between my lips and swallowed; I laid down on my couch, waiting for the thoughts swimming in my head to disappear along with my consciousness.