Southern Constellations

Over the next week and a half, I still wasn't talking very much. I wasn't eating as much as a normal person, I spent most of the days glued to Justin's laptop. The only person I had an appropriate conversation with was Tinika. While we were alone, I explained everything. Every feeling, every word, every moment Vic and I had shared together. She always showed up on the Asking Alexandria tour bus between shows to try and cheer me up. It was pleasant and amusing, yet I felt pity for her, because I couldn't find my way out of this depressing hole no matter how hard I tried.

"How're you feeling?" Tinika asked, her voice sympathetic as she pulled open the curtain of Sam's bunk. I couldn't bring myself to talk to Kellin, so I remained here.

I sighed, and pulled the headphones out of my ears. I turned to face her, and closed the laptop. "I feel like shit." I mumbled, my voice cracking from the days of it not active whatsoever.

She sighed, and climbed in next to me. "He's just being a dick. He doesn't mean it." She smiled apologetically.

I sighed once more. "I know, but it just...hurts."

"I brought you something." She grinned as she got back out of the bunk, and walked to the lounge. When she returned, she showed me my book bag.

"Get dressed. Your toothbrush is in there, too," She smiled widely.

I groaned. "Do I have to?" I asked rubbing my face.

She nodded. "I'm missing Austin's concert for the first time. Your going out today." She stuck out her tongue, before walking outside, leaving me alone to get ready.

I climbed out of the bunk, and hesitantly examined the clothes Tinika had gotten for me. I was relieved to see skinny jeans, a Miss May I tank top, and my favorite pair of Toms; Kellins.

I stripped myself of clothes, and ran my finger over the burns, bruises, and cuts. Mainly on my thighs. The burns weren't as bad as they had been when I was younger. They were much lighter in color. Instead of being a scarlet color, they were pinkish. The bruises on my hips were caused by constant punching. Some yellowing, the others forming. Pathetic, but it was one of the few ways I could inflict pain upon myself. The cuts were the worst, but not as painful as the burns. Only a couple of them, though. I wouldn't consider them cuts, really. They were more like scratches or scrapes. Deep enough to let out only a few drops of blood.

I sighed, and dressed quickly. I didn't want to see them, I hated them. I promised Kellin. It was ridiculous. I was ridiculous.

I grabbed my toothbrush, and shoved my other clothes into the bag. I grabbed a water bottle, and stepped outside. Tinika was waiting for me.

"Toothpaste?" I asked, a little confused.

"Front pocket." She verified.

I pulled it out, and put it on the toothbrush. I brushed my teeth quickly, rinsing my mouth with the water from the bottle.

"Where we going?" I asked, as I followed her when she began walking.

"Anywhere you'd like." She smiled as I put the bag on my back.

"This is gonna' sound kind of stupid, but I want to get a tattoo." I confessed, earning an almost astonished looked from Tinika.

"A tattoo?" She asked.

I nodded. "Just a little one. And in white ink. It won't be very visible." I defended myself.

She chuckled. "Your innocence; I love it!" She laughed.

I explained what I wanted to the artist once we arrived at a near by tattoo shop. I think Tinika understood what I wanted much better than the artist did, and because of this, Tinika explained it more thoroughly in a what seemed like a different language.

Once the artist had sketched it out, he made a stencil, and placed it on my wrist. In a spaced out, mechanical-like font, the words "Mantenerse Fuerte" was visible. In English, it means "Stay Strong." It meant a lot of things for me.

In Spanish, symbolizing Pierce The Veil. My best friends, the only person I had ever loved....

Stay strong was the phrase that I had always told myself, but I wouldn't have done it if my family hadn't been there to help me.

It was the end of all self infliction for me. No more burns. No more bruises. No more cuts. Only confidence and love for one another.

Tinika talked to the artist contently while he began the slightly painful process. I didn't understand anything they were talking about, so I silently sung Southern Constellations in my head. It was the song that connected the most with how I felt about Vic.

Once the artist was finished, I payed him and Tinika and I walked outside, the plastic covering over my wrist attracting heat from the sunlight.

"I'm sorry, for everything." I started up a subject to converse with her.

"For what?" She asked, although she knew the answer already,

"For being such a depressing bitch." I answered, chuckling a little. "I've been the absolute worst best friend ever."

She smiled. "And I've been the best. No need to apologize." She chuckled softly.

I grinned, and hugged her. "The best." I repeated, smiling.

No more letting guys get to me.

I'm done.