This Is the Memory

How do you look at someone you love, and tell yourself it's time to walk away?

That had been the one question Pansy had no answer to. The one answer she needed to learn. She

ran a hand through her auburn hair, letting out a shaky sigh filled with pain. She put her ear buds

in and turned on her i-pod, selecting Lips of An Angel by Hinder. The song she and Damon danced

to at the dance the day after they met. He had tripped up the school stairs and they both laughed.

She had always thought he'd done it on purpose to make small talk. Her other theory was that he

was too focused on her to pay attention to where he was going.

She locked her father's house behind her as she began walking to the one place she hated passing

through or even looking at. One of the many places that held so much meaning to her at one point,

that now held only painful memories. The place Damon wanted to meet up. She should've declined

his request, but she had spent so many years thinking about where he was or what he was doing.

But mainly she wanted to know if he was truly happy with his life.

Part of her was dreading seeing his face. His eyes, smile, smirk, but mostly she feared his touch.

Would he embrace her into a hug like so many years ago? Would she still feel safe and secute in his

arms? Would she be able to release him. Or would this make her miss him so much more.

As she passed her friend Alec's house she remembered everything there. Seeing Damon for the first

time after him being gone for weeks in his home town. She had just wanted to tell him the truth,

she loved him. She wanted to burn it into his heart. She wanted him to feel the same way.

She remembered blaring music there with Alec, Damon, and their friend Alleah. Alec's mother's

room had been right next to the livingroom and she wasn't home at the time. Damon and Pansy had

begun slow dancing, bringing back their first and second dance. Then he had picked up Pansy by

her mid-thigh and she wrapped her legs around his waist.He carried her into Alec's mother's room

and placed her gently on the bed, him still between her legs. He leaned down and pressed his lips to

hers. She smiled against his lips and kissed him back, pouring everything she felt into the kiss. That

was when she really believed things could go back to how they used to be. Just them and not a care

in the world. How wrong she was...

She remembered him walking away. She had been so mad, not at him but herself. She was mad

because he didn't love her, yet she loved him anyways. She was mad at his words, "I have no

reason to come back." She thought, What about me? She hadn't been enough. She remembered the

tear that betrayed her and slid down her pale cheek. He asked what was wrong. "You don't want to

come back. You don't have a reason to come back. But what about the people here that care about

you when nobody else gave a fuck? We've been here for you all this time, never giving up on you,

even when your family did. And what? You're just gonna forget about us?"

"Just because I don't want to come back doesn't mean I won't." He wiped away her tear.

She pushed his hand away. "No, you wanna leave then leave. Don't let little old me hold you back.

Go be happy." She turned away from him so he couldn't see how much pain he'd truly caused her.

He sighed and once she heard his footsteps fading, she turned back around and watched him walk

away.

For the entire year they'd known each other, he's told her not to care about him. To find better than

him, that she deserves better. He warned her the night he walked her home from the dance that he

would hurt her. He warned her that he was an asshole. She hadn't believed him, she didn't think

he'd mean enough to her for him to hurt her that much.. How wrong she had been.

Once he had left, she didn't expect to ever see him again. She decided to take his advice so she

could move on and forget the boy who would never love her back. She decided to not care

anymore. At least she tried. She'd been doing a pretty damn good job until he came back. She had

been so quiet around him. And when asked for the millionth time what was wrong she finally

answered him.

"Nothing, I'm just trying not to care like you said." As soon as the words left her soft red lips, his

chocolate troubled eyes filled with pain and possibly even regret. She made a decision in that

moment that would be the reason why he was able to hurt her more than he ever had before. She

decided she's rather be the one hurt in the end, instead of causing him pain. She sucked up her

already wounded pride, her emerald eyes looking him straight in the eye. "Just because I'm trying

doesn't mean I'm succeeding. I still love you."

The silence was deafening to her. Until finally, he pulled her close and whispered ever so softly into

her ear, "You deserve better, you can do better. But I'm glad you chose me. I love you." She had

been the happiest girl in the world.

She froze as she saw him standing on the pavilion in the park, their pavilion. She took a deep

breathe and walked up the steps, glad his back was turned away from her. Once she reached the

top, he turned around...