Never Going Back Again

Valencia held her phone to her ear as tears slowly slipped down her cheeks. Billy had broke her down once again. Not even thirty minutes ago, they were wrapped up in her sheets, wrapped up in each other. Billy had managed to turn something so good into something heart breaking. He had been acting odd ever since Valencia picked him up from the Four Roses. But even his odd behavior didn't prepare her for his departure after their love making. If that's what you would all it.

Billy had left after his little scene on Valencia's sofa. He stayed out for the rest of the day and didn't bother turning his phone on. When he got back, he had that cold stare that Valencia was terrified of, but so happy to see. As soon as Valencia had let him in, he had her in his arms. He didn't waste any time. He took her straight to her room and began undressing her. Valencia didn't know what to say or do. Billy was just so... intense. She didn't want to do anything to make him snap. She went along with it, clutching and kissing him as if she didn't even notice how weird he was being. She let him take off her clothes, she let him run his rough hands down her body, and she let him climb on top of her. This time though, it was different. It was something about Billy that wasn't right. Something he was trying to keep hidden from her.

Not even a minute after they were done, he was reaching for his clothes, mumbling how he had to leave. "What the fuck do you mean you have to leave?" Valencia had screamed at him. She was surprised that she even managed to put a sentence together. Her mind was somewhere else and her body was still shaking. She sat up in her bed and waited for an answer. She sat there clutching the sheets that Billy had just drawn back. Her hair was clinging to her neck and forehead. "Billy," she said. "What the fuck did I do?" That seemed to mess him up even more. He turned his back to her as he continued to dress. When he was done, he didn't even mumble a good-bye. He just grabbed her keys and left.

Now she was still naked in her bed, crying as she tried to talk to her mother. Her body was still shaking, but now it was from her sobbing. "I don't understand hija," her mother said. "Was he the one that hurt you?" Valencia didn't let herself answer right away. She was afraid of her answer.

"No Ma," she sniffed. She felt weird telling her mother about Billy under the circumstances, but she had no one else to turn to. Bill had consumed her. He'd taken up all her time and now all she had was her mother and him. She didn't have any friends. The one she thought she had was trying to sleep him, and Valencia never went anywhere without him, so she never had time to meet any new ones.

"I don't know what to tell you," her mother said. "You're free to stay here you know." Valencia couldn't get out another word before she began bawling again. Her mother sighed and said some soothing words in Spanish. "Get some rest, Valencia," she sighed. Valencia nodded before saying good-bye. When she hung up, she slipped under her sheets and silently cried. She cried until she wasn't able to shed another tear. She was tired. Her body felt heavy.
Only Billy could do this to her. Only Billy could bring her out of this.

"Fucking Billy," she sighed to herself. It wasn't long after that, that she heard him coming through the front door. He wasn't alone. He probably had all of his boys with him. They were so loud, all talking and laughing at the same time. Who the hell does he think he is? She thought. Somehow, she managed to drag herself out of her bed and put on her robe. She walked out into the hall and saw that she was right. Every last one of them was there. Sitting on her sofa, her coffee table, going through her cabinets.

Fucking up her house.

"What the hell are all of you doing here?" She asked. They all looked at her. She could tell that none of them had heard a word she said. They were all too busy taking in her appearance. "Do you know what fucking time it is?" She asked.

"What are you doing Val?" Billy asked from his spot on her sofa. Valencia looked at him but didn't say a word. She was too angry to say anything to him.

"Hey Val," Jaime said with a sly smile on his face. He stood there, staring at her like Billy wasn't in the same room.

"Jaime," Billy said with a frown. "Go wait in the car."

"Huh?" He asked as he looked in his direction. Billy looked down at his gun that was sitting on the table in front of him.

"Don't make me tell you again," he said, still looking at the gun. Jaime pushed himself off her kitchen counter and headed for the door without another word.

"Damn Billy," Baggy said. "You can't blame us for looking," he said smiling just a bit. Bodie laughed from his spot next to Billy at Baggy's stupid comment. Billy looked at Baggy. He was getting angrier by the second.

"You can go wait out there with him," he said. Baggy just shrugged as he headed for the door.

"I'm just saying, your girl comes out here in nothing but a robe-" He didn't bother to finish his sentence when he saw Billy reaching for his gun. He scurried out of Valencia's apartment quickly.

"The next fucker who makes a comment about Val isn't getting sent to the fucking car," Billy said. "They'll get shot." He looked around at all of them before looking at Valencia. "Why don't you go put some fucking clothes on."

"Why don't you learn to control your 'boys'," she said. She looked at Heco and grimaced. "Get off my damn table." She said it in the most sinister of ways. She almost intimidated him.

"Fuck," he said as he stood up. "Sorry," He mumbled. Valencia sighed as she walked into her kitchen. "So," Heco said as he sat down across from Billy. "Joe told me about that shit that went down when you gave Adalae that money today."

"Fucking shut up," Joe said.

"What the fuck's your problem?" Bodie asked.

"Dumb ass," Spink laughed with Tommy joining along with him.

"What happened at Adalae's house?" Valencia fumed. Everyone seemed to have something to say. Everyone but Billy. He had no words. He was too pissed off to speak. "What the fuck happened at Adalae's?" Valencia asked again. She looked at Billy, who was putting a cigarette between his lips. "Billy...?" He didn't say a thing. He lit his cigarette and took a long drag from it. "Why are you giving her money?"

"Don't worry about it," Billy said after he took the cigarette from between his lips. Valencia looked down at him with so much anger she was shaking. She was beginning to feel like she did when she was back at the Four Roses, the day she hit Billy.
"I think you guys should go," Valencia said. "Now."

"No," Billy said. "They don't have to go anywhere." Valencia looked at him with this agitated stare.

"I thought I said you couldn't smoke in here," she said. Billy looked at her before taking another long drag from his cigarette.

"Go and wait for me in the bedroom Val," Billy said. Valencia shook her head.

"No," she said. "I'm not leaving until you tell me what the fuck is going on Billy. Why did you give Adalae money?" She asked. "Is that why you've been acting so fucking weird?"

"I'll tell you what you want to know," Billy said a little harder. "Go wait in the room. I'll be there in a minute."

"I'm not-"

"Now Valencia." Valencia could tell by the look on his face that he wasn't playing. She just huffed as she turned around.

"You assholes better not mess up my house," she said as she walked down the hall to her room.

"Night Val," Joe called. A slammed door was the only response he got.

"You really gonna tell her what's up?" Heco asked. Everybody looked at him. Surprised that he even had the nerve to say something after fucking up so badly.

"You're lucky I don't fucking kill you," Billy said as he looked in his direction. "Get the fuck out," Billy growled. "Don't bother waiting in the car. You're walking your dumb ass home."

"Walking?" Heco asked.

"Did I stutter?" Billy asked with a sarcastic grin. Heco didn't say anything as he looked at Billy wide-eyed. Now he wished he had just kept his mouth shut. "You better hurry up if you want to make it home by morning." Heco looked at all the other guys before looking back at Billy. He frowned as he stood up and walked to the door. Billy let out a long sigh before he put his cigarette between his lips. No one said a word as they watched him smoke. Joe knew what he had to be going through. First the thing with Adalae and now this with Valencia. "Anybody else want to test me?" Billy asked. He looked around at the remaining people in the room, quietly sitting there watching him. "Good," he sighed. "Now, let's get down to business."


Valencia laid back on her bed and sighed. Today just wasn't her day. Billy and Adalae. Billy and fucking Adalae. If Billy wasn't the cause of her problems then Adalae sure as hell was. She seemed to be the cause of both their problems. Valencia knew that Billy wanted her to stay as far away from Adalae as she could, but after what Heco said, Valencia knew it would be a lot harder to stay away. She was going to try and see her, or maybe just call her to see what was up. Especially if it was something that would make Valencia want to leave Billy. Valencia was hoping it would be something mild. Something she would argue about but eventually forgive him for. But if it had anything to do with Adalae, then she was sure it would be something unforgivable.

She could still hear Billy and all the guys talking out there. She heard Billy kick Heco out, and she heard him talking about some people who were selling in the wrong places. "Next time you see them, you call me," she heard him say. "If someone is with you, don't waste time calling me, you take them out." Valencia let out an aggravated groan when she heard Billy. She didn't want to hear him. She got up and walked over to her stereo and turned it on. She turned it up loud enough to where it drowned out Billy's voice. It was on an oldies station that Valencia frequently listened to when she cleaned up. The song that was playing nearly made her drop to her knees. These Eyes by The Guess Who. She felt so grown up listening to it.

She remembered back when she was younger. Her parents were still together and they were constantly arguing. Her mother would insult her father in Spanish and he would do the same to her. When everything was broken and they both went to their corners to cool off, her mother would play this song. Valencia's mother didn't speak much English at the time. Valencia would ask her why she would play the song if she couldn't understand the words. She would just smile, her eyes full of tears and she would say she didn't need to know the words to understand the song. She could feel what it meant.


Billy kicked everyone out as soon as he heard the song that was playing. These Eyes. If he didn't feel like Bones before he sure as hell did now. He remembered Bones being drunk off his ass in the middle of the day, throwing shit across the room, yelling at his mother. When he got that bad she would put Billy and Joe in their room to keep them away from their father. Billy was ten and Joe was only three. Billy would open the door slightly and listen to his mother take everything that Bones did to her. He would insult her, throw things at her, and even hit her. But she would take it all as long as it kept him away from Billy and Joe. When it was all done, Billy would come out of his room and find his mother with a bloody nose or a fat lip, and she would be cleaning the mess that Bones made. She usually played that song while she cleaned and cried to herself. As soon as she would see Billy, she would smile as if nothing had happened, as if she didn't have some new injury she would have to lie about. "Don't look so down," she would tell him still with tears in her eyes. Then she would kiss his forehead and run her fingers through his blond hair and say, "Everything is going to be all right." Bullshit, Billy thought. Nothing ever got better. Shit got worse.

Now as he made his way to Valencia's bedroom the only thing he could think about was not making things worse. If he was anything like Bones¾which he tried hard not to be¾ then he would go in here and ruin everything they had. He opened her door slowly and found her lying on her bed with her back turned towards him. Before he even made his way to her, he had to turn down that damn stereo. He couldn't listen to the song any longer. "Get out Billy," Valencia sighed when he turned down the stereo. He didn't say anything as he kicked off his shoes and took off his coat. He sat down next to her on the bed and ran his hand over her hip. "Don't touch me."

"I went over Adalae's house to tell her to fuck off," Billy said. Valencia huffed and pushed his hand away.

"I'm pretty sure a phone call would've as been just as effective." Billy shook his head and placed his hand right back on her hip.

"I had to scare her a bit," he admitted. Valencia turned towards him and sat up.

"What do you mean a bit?" She asked. Billy just shook his head again. Valencia frowned. "What about the money?" Valencia asked.

"I didn't give her any money," Billy said.

"But Heco said-"

"Heco was high off his ass Val," Billy frowned. "You gonna believe him over me?" Billy asked. Valencia wanted to say yes. She didn't want to say that he couldn't be trusted, but in all honesty... "Are you?"

"No," Valencia said. "I believe you." She looked away from him and sighed. She could feel tears coming to her eyes. She didn't believe him. She could tell he was lying before he even gave her an answer about Adalae. Billy was lying to her, now she had to go to Adalae and find out for herself.

"If you believe me then why are you crying?" Billy asked.

"Why couldn't you tell me?" Valencia asked as she looked up at him. "If that's all it was then why couldn't you tell me?"

"Because it was nothing you needed to worry about," he shrugged. Valencia shook her head as she looked away.

"Whatever Billy," she said. "I'm going to sleep." She wiped her eyes before she reached over Billy and turned off the light. Billy pulled off his shirt and took off his pants. He laid down next to Valencia. He heard her groan in protest when he wrapped his arm around her waist, but she didn't stop him or pull away. She leaned back into him and sighed. Today has taken it's toll on her and all she wanted to do was rest. Billy had other things in mind though. "Are you kidding me?" Valencia sighed to herself when she felt Billy tugging at the strings on her robe. "Billy," she sighed. "I. Am. Tired."

"I'm not," he said. When he successfully got her robe untied, he attempted to pull it off her.

"No Billy," she said as she pulled his hand away from her. Billy groaned and placed his hands on her hips.

"Quit fucking around Val," he said as he pulled her on top of him. Her robe slipped off her shoulders.

"Are you going to leave again?" Valencia knew there was no point in fighting Billy. He knew how to twist his words and he could do things with his hands that make her quickly change her mind. "Because I'm not in the mood to-"

"I'm not leaving again," Billy sighed as he threw her robe on the floor.

"Good," Valencia said just before she leaned down to kiss him.


Valencia didn't waste any time the next day. As soon as Billy left, so did she. She hopped in her car and quickly drove to Adalae's. She couldn't wait a second longer to find out what Billy had been hiding from her. The whole way over there, all she could do was hope that it wasn't something serious. She hoped that Billy was telling the truth. She hoped that Heco was high off his ass last night and that he made the whole thing up. But by the responses he got from all the guys, Valencia figured he hadn't.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Adalae asked When she opened the door. She didn't look upset or angry. She looked kind of scared. Maybe Billy was right about scaring her.

"That money Billy gave you, what was it for?" Valencia asked. Adalae looked kind of shocked. She didn't expect Valencia to know. She obviously didn't know much since she was here asking her what it was for. Adalae moved to the side and let her in.

Valencia felt odd in Adalae's house. She hasn't been there in so long, she felt like she didn't belong here, even though before Billy she would spend most of her time here. "He did give you money right?" Valencia asked. Adalae nodded as she closed her door. "What was it for?"

"What did he tell you it was for?" She asked. Valencia frowned.

"He told me he didn't give you any money. I wouldn't have known if it wasn't for Heco." Adalae nodded. Even though she wasn't really on speaking terms with Valencia, she didn't want to tell her about her and Billy. She was trying to think of ways to soften the blow. "Are you going to tell me?" Valencia asked.

"Valencia, it's-"

"He told me how he scared you," Valencia said. Adalae looked at her and frowned.

"He did?"

"Is that why you don't want to tell me? Because you're scared of what he'll do?" Valencia asked. Adalae didn't say anything as she looked at her. She was scared. If she told Valencia about what was going on between Billy and herself she would leave him for sure. He would know she was the one who spilled the beans. He would surely follow through with his threat. No matter how much Adalae loathed Valencia for taking Billy away from her, she would never go against Billy's word. "Or are you going to be really cold about it, and hold it over my head forever?"

But there was a first time for everything.

"You know, I've known Billy for a long time," Adalae said. Valencia rolled her eyes. "Since before I met you. We've been through a lot."

"So?" Valencia asked a little agitated.

"So," Adalae frowned. "What makes you think what we have would stop because of you?" Valencia looked up at her. She felt her cheeks grow hot with anger.

"What you had, you mean?" Valencia scoffed. She couldn't help but get catty. "Billy doesn't want you Adalae," she said. "He wants nothing to do with you. I'm sure he made that clear yesterday." Valencia smirked as if she won some on-going argument. Adalae didn't like that. She didn't like it at all. Mostly because it was true. So she didn't feel any guilt or remorse when she told Valencia everything that has been going on between her and Billy.

"Billy and I haven't stopped anything Valencia," Adalae said. "Ever since you two got together... when you weren't with him, I was." Now Adalae was the one smirking. She had her arms folded across her chest and her dull eyes seemed to have gotten more vibrant. Valencia's smirk was nowhere to be seen. Now she just stood there looking at Adalae. She figured Billy had lied to her about Adalae, but she didn't think it would be this bad. "He tells me about all the shit you two do," Adalae said. "He told me you were the one who asked him to stop selling to me. He told me how you've held drugs for him," she smirked. "And the fights... he always tells me about the fights. By the way," she said as she tilted her head to the side. "How's your face? Feeling any better?" Valencia immediately put her head down. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Billy had told Adalae everything. How could he be so cruel to her. Valencia was starting to think he had multiple personalities.

"What about the money?" Valencia asked. Her throat was tight and tears began to make their way to her eyes. Adalae walked back towards her room. Valencia heard her going through her dressers. Valencia clutched the arm of the sofa as she wiped a few tears away.

"Here," Adalae said as she walked back into the room. She handed Valencia the money and went for the door.

"What was it for?" Valencia asked.

Adalae looked at her for a long minute before answering. "For an abortion." Valencia's head snapped up as she looked at Adalae with wide eyes.

"What?" She asked. "For a what?"

"An abortion," Adalae said.

"Y-you're... you're... preg-" Valencia couldn't bring herself to say the word. "You're having a baby?" Billy's baby?!

"No," Adalae said as she shook her head. A small devious smile formed on her lips as she opened her front door for Valencia. "False alarm," she shrugged. Damn it. Adalae knew what she was doing the whole time.

"You can have Billy," Valencia said as she made her way to the door. Adalae huffed.

"Thanks," she grunted. "Like I needed your approval to have what was already mine."

"He doesn‘t want you," Valencia said harshly. "He never has, and I'm pretty sure when he finds out about what happened here today, he'll want you even less." Valencia wiped away more tears as she hurried out of Adalae's apartment. She clutched the money to her chest as she raced to her car. Billy couldn't have done all the things she said, Valencia thought. As soon as she got into her car, she felt like slapping herself. Of course Billy had done all the things she said. No matter how much Valencia wanted to believe that Billy hadn't done any of the things Adalae had said, she knew that he did. She knew of the monster that he could be. So there was no doubting the things Adalae said. She could see them sitting together, him telling her all the things that Valencia had told him. Both of them laughing at her. Valencia shook her head and closed her eyes. How could I be so stupid? Valencia managed somehow to get her keys and start her car with a face full of tears. She was heading straight to the Four Roses to give Billy a piece of her mind.


You wouldn't think that Valencia had just come from learning about Billy and Adalae from the way she walked into the bar. She seemed more calm than ever. At least to everyone in the bar. She was fuming on the inside. She was like a bomb that was moments away from exploding. The sight of Billy made her even more upset, but she didn't do anything right away. She just smiled. She walked right to the table and sat down on his lap with a small smile. "Hey guys," she said. Nobody really said anything though. None of them were paying attention to her. There were a few girls in the corner of the bar doing things to get the guys attention.

"Yea," Joe said waving his hand dismissively in her direction. Valencia looked at Billy. He was the only one not looking at the girls. Valencia let it go over her head. He was probably looking at them before she walked in.

She looked down at the drink in front of him and picked it up. Breaking up with Billy is going to require some courage. Now matter how awful that courage might be. She took a few sips from it and looked back at him. He was still staring at her, but now it was more of a questioning look. She hasn't taken a drink of anything in here since that first day she hung out with Billy. "Thirsty?" Bodie asked when he finally looked her way. Heco turned around and looked at her too. Valencia just shrugged. She turned to look at Billy again. This time he wasn't looking at her. He was looking at the girls across the bar. Valencia frowned and cleared her throat, making Billy look at her.

"What?" Billy asked.

"Billy..." Valencia opened her mouth to let him have it, but all that came out was a long, defeated sigh. "Billy," she said again.

"What?" He asked again. Now he looked concerned. It only made things worse. Valencia's hands began to shake as she reached for Billy's drink again. This time she finished it off and set it down hard, taking most of the guys attention away from the girls in the corner.

"You want another one?" Spink asked from the end of the table.

"Please," Valencia said. Spink slid a small glass in her direction. She thanked him with a small nod an downed it quickly. She got that warm feeling again. That nasty liquid courage. The same one that made her smile at Billy that day. The same one that was about to help her end things. Valencia looked at Spink and gave him a small smile. "One more?" She asked. He looked at Billy for approval, but Billy was staring at Valencia. Spink slid Valencia another shot, but before she even reached for it, Billy had grabbed it and set it aside.

"What's wrong with you?" He asked her. Valencia closed her eyes and sighed again.

"Kiss me," she said.

"What?" Billy asked.

"Billy, just-" before she could even finish she felt Billy's lips on hers. Her whole body began to shake now, and Billy could feel it. Valencia reached into her pocket and pulled out all the money Adalae had given her. She pulled away with another sigh and looked down into her hand. "What's this Billy?" She asked him. Billy looked down into her hands.

"Wha-"

"Shit," Joe said. He knew exactly what it was, and he knew that things were about to get ugly real quick. Now Valencia felt all the guys eyes on her. Billy's mind slowly started to register what was in Valencia's hand. He went from concerned to pissed in a matter of seconds. He didn't even bother with words as he grabbed Valencia by her arm and dragged her out of the bar.

As soon as the doors were closed behind them, he threw her against the wall. "What did I tell you Val?" He growled. Valencia balled up her fist and took a step forward. "What the hell did I tell you?!" He asked again a little louder.

"You told me that you didn't give Adalae any money!" She yelled back. "You told me you went over there to tell her to fuck off!" She said as she pushed him away. "You lied to me! You fucking lied to me Billy. You've been with her the entire time," she said as she pushed him once more. "You told her stuff I told you. Stuff we talked about!"

"I didn't tell her shit," Billy said.

"How the hell was she able to tell me about everything I've talked to you about?" Valencia asked. "She knew about how I held for you, about how I asked you to stop selling to her, about the fights..."

"I didn't tell her anything," Billy said through clenched teeth.

"Well who the hell have you been talking to, because she fucking knew everything!" Billy may have been angry, but Valencia was livid. For a quick moment she and Billy just stood there staring at each other, desperately trying to catch their breath.

"Why'd you take the money?" He asked her. Valencia frowned and threw the money at his chest.

"She's not pregnant Billy!" Valencia screamed. "She doesn't need the money. She fucking lied to you!" Now tears were streaming down Valencia's face. She couldn't control her shaking and the little bit of alcohol she drank inside now threatened to rise up.

"She's not pregnant?" Billy asked. All the anger that was just on his face was now replaced with shock.

"She knew what she was doing," Valencia said. Billy put his hands on his hips and looked away from Valencia. Adalae had done this on purpose. She knew exactly what she was doing. Now Billy didn't have Valencia, and he didn't even have her.

"Val," Billy said stepping towards her.

"Don't you come near me," she said as she took a step back. "I don't want to hear a damn thing you have to say. I'm already over you," she said with a shrug. She walked around him and headed for her car.

"Val!"

"Jesus Billy," she huffed. "Leave me alone." She knew that Billy was going to argue some more so she turned around and faced him. "I don't want to have anything to do with you Billy. I hate you," she cried. She looked away from him and down at her feet. "Now just stay away from me. I mean it." She turned away quickly and tried to get to her car as fast as she could.

"What're you gonna fucking do?" He asked as he followed her. "I'll go anywhere I damn well please to," he said. "What're you going to do?" Valencia spun around on her heels making Billy stop.

"You come near me again," she said. "I'll call the cops and tell them everything I fucking know," she snarled. "I'll tell them that you sell drugs. I'll let them know where you sell at. I'll tell them about Bones, about the office..." Even filled with tears, her eyes were wild. "I don't care about what would happen to me. Just know that if I even think you're nearby, I'll call the cops." She turned around again and continued her trek to her car. "I dare you to follow me now," she said over her shoulder just before cursing at him in Spanish. Billy looked stunned. He had no words. Valencia had left him speechless. For the first time in his life, someone had put him in his place.


Of course the first place Valencia went to was her mother's house. Now she was all she had. Her mother could tell that something was wrong with her. Her eyes were bloodshot red and she was still shaking. Once she sat down she couldn't keep her mouth shut. She told her mom everything: how she met Billy, everything with Adalae, how she hasn't been going to school, and what had just happened. She had to tell her all of this stuff though because she needed a huge favor.

"What is it Valencia?" Her mother asked.

"I... I need a place to stay. Could I-" she said.

"Of course," her mother said. "I don't know why you even asked," she said. "You don't feel safe at home?" She asked. Valencia shook her head.

"No," Valencia could feel the tears coming back to her eyes again. "Not now at least."