Never Going Back Again

Valencia thought that things between her and Billy would be all good and well. She even thought that they could become something. But with the little time that she has known him, she's learned to not expect a thing from Billy Darley. Nothing but the absolute worst. Now, that night with Billy seemed like something spontaneous for the both of them. It seemed like neither one of them was thinking before, after, or during. Everything was all great while they were wrapped up in each other. Everything was perfect. The scratches she had left on his back, the dark colored marks his lips left on her neck, and even the quiet breathing between sessions. After that night, Valencia knew how Adalae could still feel something for someone who was so heartless. The morning after wasn't as perfect though. Valencia woke up feeling awkward and pissed. She had missed another day of her classes, and was lying next to a naked Billy Darley. Not only was she feeling awkward and pissed, she felt embarrassed. She cringed as she looked down at her own naked body. Billy had made her lose herself. She had never acted or felt like she did that night and that embarrassed her. She probably would have laid there all morning feeling ashamed of herself if it wasn't for Joe pounding on her bedroom door. That set the tone for the rest day.

Billy let out a string of profanities¾in one breath¾as he walked towards Valencia's door with a sheet bundled around his waist. “Why are you banging on the door like the Goddamn police?!” He asked Joe. Joe stood there still looking half asleep. His clothes hung loosely from his skinny frame.

“Rough night?” Joe asked Valencia as he smiled. Billy pushed him into the hall and followed him out. Valencia heard them talking, but she didn't know about what. Whatever it was, it pissed Billy off. He walked back to her room, slamming the door behind him.

“I gotta go,” he said as he dropped the sheet from his waist. Valencia nodded as she forced herself to look at his face. Billy put on his clothes quickly and grabbed his gun off Valencia's night stand. “You wanna come with me?” He asked her. She wanted to. She wanted another one of their car rides more than she wanted another night in bed with him. But it wasn't right. They weren't right.

“Um, not today,” she said. Billy stepped back when she said it. It was like she slapped him across his face. No one turns down a Darley. He just kind of looked at her for a second before turning on his heels and heading for the door. “Are you coming back tonight?” Before Valencia even finished her sentence she knew that she was starting to sound like Adalae. Billy always seemed to make people like this. Distancing themselves from him, and trying to get closer at the same time.

“I doubt it,” he said. “I've got other places to stay.” He opened her door and walked out. She heard her front door slam a few moments later.

That was the last time she saw Billy. He hasn't came by, hasn't called. Valencia wasn't going to go look for him either. She hasn't been to Adalae's since the day Billy had kissed her. All she did now was go to school and visit her mom. Today though, she was home studying. She was knee deep in work since she hardly ever went to school in her Darley days. So, you can guess how pissed off she was when someone started knocking on her door. She was a bit surprised when she opened her door. She didn't know who it was going to be, but she didn't expect the man who was standing at her door step.

“Hey there sweet heart,” the man bellowed out with a smile. His voice was hard and raspy. He was tall, and very wide, and he looked dirty. Valencia hesitated to grab his hand and shake it. They were stained with what looked like oil.

“Hello,” she said as she looked at the man. Something about him seemed very familiar. Something in his face, his smile. His lips were curled up but his eyes were as cold as the air outside. “Do I know you?” Valencia asked. The man's smile faded slightly.

“I guess you could say that,” he huffed. “I'm lookin' for Billy. He around?” Valencia furrowed her brows as she studied him. What the hell would he want with Billy? She thought. Maybe he was here looking to buy drugs from him. But it was still pretty odd. People knew where to go if they wanted something from Billy. Her house sure as hell wasn't one of the places.

“What do you want with Billy?” She asked.

“Not that it's any of your fucking business,” he began. “But I want my fucking money.” His smile was completely gone now.

“Who are you?” Valencia was regretting opening her door now.

“Billy hasn't mentioned me?” The man asked with a horrific grin. “I'm Bones,” he said. “Bones Darley.” Valencia couldn't help but let out a little gasp.

“So you're Billy's-” Valencia now knew why she recognized his cold stare. It was the same cold stare Billy would give whenever things didn't go his way. Bones Darley. This is the man that Billy didn't want Joe around. Their own father.

“Do you know where he is?” He asked. Valencia shook her head. “You lying to me?”

“No,” Valencia said as she shook her head.

“If ya see the Nazi,” Bones huffed. “You tell him to bring me my fucking money by morning.” He pulled up his pants and let out this odd chuckling sound. “I don't want to have to come back here. If I do,” he snarled. “I ain't comin' for Billy.” He turned around slowly and waddled back to his car. Valencia didn't know whether to be scared or disgusted. She was just threatened by a man with breast bigger than her own. Whatever she felt, she knew that she couldn't sit there and cry about it. The first thing Valencia wanted to do, was go to Adalae's. They haven't spoken to each other in weeks, but maybe Adalae knew where Billy was. And even if she didn't, maybe she could help her find him. Hell, he was probably over there.


“You here looking for Billy?” Adalae asked with a frown. “Because you never come over to see me.” Valencia stood there, looking down at her feet. She knew she was right.

“Bones came by my house this morning,” Valencia said as she looked up at Adalae. The frown on her face disappeared immediately. Valencia figured she knew who he was, seeing as how she and Billy had been friends for so long. “He told me he would be back for me if Billy didn't give him his money.”

“But...” Adalae sighed as she looked at Valencia. “How did he know where you live?” She asked. Valencia shrugged her shoulders and shook her head. She could feel tears welling up in her eyes.

“I don't know,” she said in a shaky voice. “I don't know how he found out.” She sniffed and wiped away the few tears that rolled down her cheeks. “I'm fucking scared Adalae.” Adalae shifted her weight to one foot and looked at Valencia.

“I'll help you find Billy,” she said. She moved out of the way and Let Valencia in. “Just tell me everything that happened.” So, Valencia did. She told her how she and Billy hadn't spoken to each other in weeks, which didn't surprise her. She refrained from saying I told you so. Valencia was grateful, but she knew Adalae was dying to say it to her. She told her about Bones' threat, and Adalae told her that it wasn't idle. If Bones' said he was going to do it,there's a great chance that he will. Valencia should be afraid, because Bones was not one to be messed with.

Then Adalae told Valencia about Billy and Bones' relationship. “Basically there isn't one,” she said. “Bones hates Billy, and Billy hates him.”

“What about his mom?” Valencia asked.

“She passed a long time ago,” Adalae said. “Joe was just a kid, but Billy, he took it hard.” They were both silent for a moment. Valencia couldn't help but wish that Billy was the one telling her about his mother. “You like him?” Adalae asked. “Like, really like him?” Valencia shrugged her shoulders which made Adalae frown. “You don't know?” She asked.

“I don't know,” Valencia sighed. “Whenever I'm with him, I never know what's going to happen. It's scary, you know? He could get pissed off really easily. But I don't mind... much, because I'm with him.” Once again, the frown on Adalae's face had disappeared. She was looking down into her hands and looked a bit sad.

“Sounds to me like you know.”

“Nothing is ever planned out when I'm with him. Everything just happens,” Valencia shrugged again. “I like how he makes me feel.”

“You like Billy,” Adalae said.

“Sorry,” Valencia said. Now it was Adalae's turn to shrug.

“Whatever,” she huffed. “Let's go find him.”


“If he's not at the Four Roses, then we'll try some of the corners he sells at,” Adalae said as she drove past a stop sign. Valencia thought about how badly Billy drove and couldn't help but think he taught Adalae how to be a shitty driver. She probably would've laughed at Adalae if she wasn't in such a crappy mood.

“What about that place he and the rest of the guys go,” Valencia said. Adalae turned and looked at her.

“What place?” She asked.

“That huge abandoned building,” Valencia said with a duh kind of tone.

“The office?” Adalae asked. Valencia shrugged her shoulders.

“I guess. Billy said that's where they cook up everything.”

“You've been to the office?” Adalae looked at her, almost in awe. Valencia nodded.

“I didn't go in but...” She paused and shrugged. “We should check there, you know, in case he isn't at the-”

“I don't know where it is,” Adalae said. The admiration she just had for Valencia was gone and now she was cold again. “Billy's never taken me there.” She looked ahead at the road in front of her as she made a sharp turn. “You remember where it is?”

“No,” Valencia said. “He just took me there once.” Valencia felt like curling up in a ball and hiding. She had just gave Adalae another reason to hate her. Now she knew why Adalae was so cold with her. She wasn't pissed because Valencia liked Billy. She was cold because she felt threatened by Valencia. Adalae had known Billy for a long time and he hasn't shared some things with her that he already shared with Valencia. Someone he hasn't known for nearly as long.

“Well,” Adalae sighed. “We'll just stick with the original plan.” Valencia nodded. She wasn't going to say anything else, unless it was necessary. She didn't want give Adalae any other reasons to hate her.

Luckily, when Adalae pulled into the Four Roses parking lot, Billy's car was there. She let out a sigh of relief when she saw it. She wouldn't have to sit in that car with Adalae and be afraid to speak. But when she got out of the car, she felt a wave of anxiety. She was going to have to face Billy. Tell him about his father coming to her house and threatening her. She didn't know how this was going to go. Billy was so unpredictable, all she could do was pray for the best.

“Oh shit.” Valencia looked up to see two of Billy's friends stumbling out of the bar. One of them had a girl hanging on his arm. “Ain't that Billy's girl?” Valencia and Adalae exchanged glances. Both of them were unsure which one of them he was talking about.

“Is he in there Spink?” Adalae asked.

“That's his car right?” He asked nodding towards Billy's car. “He's in there somewhere,” he said. Spink looked at Valencia and smirked. “Where have you been?” Valencia looked up at Adalae then back at Spink before shrugging. Adalae grabbed Valencia's arm and pulled her along.

“Thanks,” she said to Spink.

“Is that her?” The girl on Spink's arm asked. Valencia looked at her as Adalae dragged her towards the entrance. “I don't know what all the fuss is about,” the girl said. Adalae pulled the door open dragged Valencia in. “She's not even that pretty.”

Inside, it was just like Valencia remembered: dark, smoke filled every corner of the bar, and it reeked of booze. There were a few people scattered around the bar, but one table in the back was filled. “There,” Adalae said. Valencia recognized all the men at the table, but Billy wasn't there. Joe was though, and when he noticed Valencia, his jaw fell into his lap.

“Holy shit,” he said standing up from his seat. Now all the guys eyes were on her. “What the hell are you doing here?” He asked Valencia.

“I need to talk to Billy,” she said. Joe looked down at her intently. He could tell that whatever was on her mind had her shaken up.

“You ain't pregnant are you?” He asked. Valencia's cheeks turned bright red as she looked down at her feet. She knew that what she and Billy did was no secret. Adalae knew, Joe was on her sofa in the living room, and Billy probably bragged to all the guys about how he got her on her back.

“No,” she said.

“Where is Billy?” Adalae asked.

“He's somewhere around here,” Joe said.

“You ladies want to sit down and wait for him?” One of the men said.

“Jaime, we just came to talk to Billy, not to get hit on,” Adalae sighed.

“Just have a seat,” he smiled. “He'll be back in a minute.” Adalae looked at Valencia.

“I'm gonna go in the back and see if he's back there,” she said. “Sit out here and wait for me.” Valencia nodded her head and took a seat that was next to Joe.

“Well if you're not pregnant,” Joe said as he sat back down. “What do you want with Billy?” Valencia felt so self-conscious sitting there with a bunch of drug dealers. They were all looking at her like she was something rare. They all knew they were only allowed to sit back and admire, but they wanted to reach out and take her for themselves.

“I-I needed to talk to him about your father,” she said looking at him. All the flirtatious smirks and welcoming body language was gone before she had a chance to look around at them.

“What?” Joe asked.

“What you know about Bones?” Valencia followed the voice to the end of the table. Bodie, she remembered him well.

“He stopped by my house this morning,” she said. Everyone sat up in there seats.

“He came to your house?” Joe asked. Valencia nodded.

“He wanted his money,” she said. “And apparently Billy has it.”

“Is that all he wanted?” Joe asked.

“Yea,” Valencia nodded. “Maybe I should go and tell Billy,” she pushed her seat back and began to stand up when Joe placed his hand on her arm.

“You should wait here for him,” he said. He wasn't trying to make her uncomfortable or intimidate her. He was being polite. It was something Valencia thought none of these guys were capable of, but there was something else. It was like he was trying to warn her.

“I don't want Bones back at my house,” she said. “I really need to tell him, Joe.” Joe removed his hand from her arm and shrugged as he looked down at the drink that was sitting in front of him.

“Suit yourself,” he said in a low soft voice. He turned in his seat and looked up at her. “Let me tell you this though,” he took a swig of his drink and sighed. “You can never have what Billy and Adalae have.” Valencia took a step back as the words passed through his lips. She had to wait a few seconds to realize what he had said. You can never have what Billy and Adalae have. How could he say such a thing? “I'm not trying to piss you off or hurt your feelings,” he said. “He and Adalae have been through a lot, we all have. That's just the way things are.” Valencia didn't know how to respond even if she wanted to. All she did was turn around and walk towards the back hall of the bar.

The walls was a collage of graffiti, dirty poems, and numerous other crude things that would make a girl like Valencia cringe. At one end of the hall was a bathroom. At the other end was a back door, a pay phone, and Billy and Adalae. Billy had his back against the wall and his hands on Adalae's hips. Valencia leaned against the wall as she stared in silence. Adalae had her hands on his chest with her hips pushing into his and her lips seemed to be super glued to his. Valencia could've cried. She felt like crying. She came to Adalae for help, she wasn't trying to help her and Billy get together. This was the straw that broke the camel's back. Valencia didn't want to have a thing to do with Adalae anymore. All she seemed to care about was herself, and Valencia now realized that.

Valencia was so caught up in her own thoughts that she didn't notice Billy pull his lips away from Adalae and look at her. “Valencia?” He asked in a husky voice. He was clearly out of breath and his lips were bright red. Valencia jumped in shock as she realized he and Adalae was staring at her. “What're you doing here?” Valencia looked at Adalae before turning around and walking away. She walked past the guys table, and all of them seemed to be trying their hardest not to look at her. Joe tried to warn her, but she didn't want to hear it. “Val,” She heard Billy's voice behind her and sped up without looking back.

“Hey Billy, there's some shit you gotta know about-”

“Not now Joe,” Billy said as he tried to catch up to Valencia. “Val!” Valencia was already outside the bar. She wished she would've brought her car, because now she was out of a ride.

“Fuck,” she said letting a few tears fall.

“Valencia, what the fuck are you doing here?” Billy asked as he pushed the bar door open. He did it with such force, it flew back and hit the wall before slamming shut.

“Ask Adalae,” she said as she began walking out of the parking lot. Billy walked up ahead of her and stopped her in her tracks. “Leave me alone, Billy,” she said. She tried to move past him but he grabbed her arm. “Let go of me,” she said calmly.

“What are you doing here?” He asked again. Valencia snatched her arm away and looked up at him.

“Bones wants his money by morning or he's coming after me,” she huffed, taking the back of her hand to wipe away her tears. Billy had the same look on his face as everyone else had after mentioning Bones' name.

“Bones?” Billy asked quietly.

“He came to my house looking for you today.”

“He came to your house?” He asked. Valencia groaned as she ran her fingers through her hair.

“I don't want to get into it again Billy,” she said. “Just give him his money by tomorrow morning so he could leave me alone.” She tried to walk around him again, but he stopped her.

“Would you fucking stop trying to walk away from me?” He said with a harsh tone. A tone that he inherited from Bones, that tone that could scare anybody.

“Billy, I just want to go home,” she sighed. “Please let me go home.”

“I'll take you home,” he said softly. As alluring as it sounded, Valencia didn't want anything to do with Billy. Not now at least.

“I don't want you to take me home, Billy, I want you to leave me alone.”

“No,” he said as clear and calm as fucking day. “You think I'm gonna let you walk around here until you find your way home?” He asked. “Get in the car and I'll take you home.” Valencia didn't say anything as she looked at him. He was looking down at her like he did that night when they shared her bed. More tears found their way to her cheeks as she looked down.

“What about Bones?” Valencia asked.

“I'll deal with Bones later,” he said. He nodded towards his car which was parked diagonally in three different spaces. “Get in the car.” Even though his voice was still calm, Valencia knew he wasn't giving her a choice. She sulked all the way to the passenger seat, where she turned herself away from him and looked out her window. “Is your car at Adalae's?” Billy asked as he lit a cigarette.

“Yes.”

“You want to go get it?” He started up his car and rolled down the window to blow out the smoke.

“I'm not worried about my car,” she said. “I can get it later.” Billy pulled out of the parking lot and began driving down the street. He was quiet for the majority of the ride, but the closer he got to her house, the more anxious he became.

“Where have you been?” He asked.

“Where do you think I've been?” Valencia asked. She turned and looked at him just in time to see his brows furrow as if he was in pain.

“I'm sorry about Bones,” he sighed.

“I'm sorry it hurt you so much to apologize.”

“Are you acting like this because of Adalae?” Valencia was never amazed at how blunt he could be.

“That's part of it,” she said.

“What's the other part?” He asked. Valencia turned back to the window and sighed.

“I don't want to talk about it.”

“Why did you tell her about the office?” Billy asked. “She came back there and started yelling at me. Asking me why I never took her there.”

“How was I supposed to know, Billy?” Valencia asked. “We were looking for you. I was looking for you. I was trying to save my ass and yours. But you're so fucking ungrateful, Billy. You don't even say thank you. You give me a lame ass, I'm sorry.” She said as she turned to face him. “Well I'm sorry too. I'm sorry you're so pathetic. I'm sorry you're leading your naive brother down the same shitty path you've taken. And I'm sorry you're too much of a fucking coward to face your deadbeat father.” Billy didn't say anything. Billy didn't even look at her. He held onto the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles turned white. Valencia could see he was trying to keep calm, but he clenched his jaw and his nostrils flared.

“You're fucking jealous,” he said.

“Jealous?”

“You're jealous of Adalae. You're jealous of a fucking junkie,” Billy smirked. “Who's the pathetic one now, Valencia?” She was pathetic. Billy was right. Somehow no matter how wrong he is, no matter what wrong he's done, he would always be right. She was jealous of Adalae—just like Joe said—because she could never have what Billy and Adalae had. Billy could take Valencia anywhere, could tell her anything, could do anything to her, but it still wouldn't be like what he and Adalae shared.

“I guess I am,” Valencia admitted. “Because even after today... after all the things you've done to me Billy, I can't help but care for you.” Billy turned and looked at her, completely ignoring the road ahead of him. She had his full attention. “Just a little bit.” Billy looked at her for a second longer before looking straight ahead again. Now Valencia felt like a fool for confessing how she felt only minutes after calling him cowardly and pathetic. She was happy when they pulled into the parking lot of her apartment complex. Billy cut the engine off and dropped his hands into his lap. Valencia wasn't sure if she should get out or stay to see what he would do. “You gonna go and see Bones now?” She asked. Billy looked at her before moving a bit closer.

“Thank you, Val,” Billy said with his eyes on hers. “Thank you for coming and looking for me today.”

“Billy,” Valencia said in a shocked tone. “You don't-”

“I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry about Bones and about Adalae.”

“Billy,” Valencia said as tears began forming in her eyes. “You... you piss me off like nothing else, but...” She turned her head away to try and hide her tears, but Billy made her look at him. She shook her head lightly as Billy brought his hand up and wiped away her tears. Valencia felt herself caving in. “Somehow y-you manage to...” Turn my brain into mush. Billy took his other hand and brought it up to her cheek, cupping her face in his hands. Valencia practically melted into him. She rested her cheek against his and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Why haven't you came to see me?” She asked breathlessly.

“You didn't want me around,” Billy said. “You woke up that morning with your mind made up.”

“No,” Valencia said. “That's not it.”

“You're a shitty liar, Val,” he said.

“It's just, you confuse the hell out of me Billy. I never know how things are going to go with you. I was trying to stop anything before it got bad.” Billy pulled himself away from her and looked down into her eyes with both of his hands on her cheeks.

“You going to stop it again?” He asked her. Valencia kind of shrugged.

“Billy, you're so unpredictable, and we're... we're not-” Billy leaned forward and brought his lips down on hers. Valencia could feel herself slowly slipping away. Billy was making her lose herself, again. She wanted to, just as much as she didn't want to. She wanted to pull away from him and tell him that she wouldn't let it happen again. But Billy could feel her doubts. He pulled away from her and stared at her.

“Are you going to stop it again?” He asked her a little more sternly this time. Valencia shook her head. Billy kissed her once more before moving away from her and opening his door. Valencia sighed again as she got out. She walked around the car and stood in front of Billy.

“You want to let me up?” Billy asked as he nodded towards her apartment.

“But Bones-”

“I'll only stay for a minute,” he said. Valencia nodded.

“Only for a minute,” she said. She and Billy walked up to her apartment in silence. Valencia knew that this was probably going to be the longest minute of her life, but she wouldn't dare complain. She just hoped that Billy made it to Bones on time.