Entertaining Notions

Completely opposite in features, one with smouldering brown eyes of intensity, the other with fair blue of innocence, the latter belonging to beautiful copper blonde locks and the former adorned with darkest brown. Both in their own way, a hit with the ladies…

“My blonde hair and blue eyes make their hearts throb!” exclaimed Fili, doing silly impressions of a swooning girl.

“I doubt that, you look like a fairy. All meek and no mild! The Lass’ like a deep and brooding bloke!”

This invited laughter from just about everyone in the camp.

“You both look like idiots… We all know the ladies like a proper beard!” Bofur sat stroking his beard, a smug expression fixed to his face as he looked at the rest of the group.

“Well that settles it; I’m better looking, because Kili here hasn’t hit puberty!” Fili folded his arms, very pleased with himself that the group was now erupting in laughter, Kili obviously not amused at this notion of him not being aesthetically mature. Even Thorin smirked!

“Well what do you guys think?” Kili offered the camp.

Deathly silent… Apart from Bombur who was jubilantly munching on anything and everything that was even remotely edible and Bilbo who was tapping absentmindedly on the floor with his hairy feet whilst smoking his pipe.

“Neither of you.” Stated Bofur flatly.

Thorin just grunted.

Nori uttered under his breath “Definitely not”

Ori was bashfully honest “I am not going to dampen either of your spirits. So I say you’re equally ugly”

Dwalin spoke as they looked hopefully at him “Bugger off!” The pair felt shot down.

Balin threw them a rude gesture.

Dori shook his head.

Bombur carried on eating his way through what could have been a dragon’s leg for the sheer size.

Oin told them “I’m not going to be responsible for your ego when there’s not one to be had!”

Gloin called them both "Pubescent”

Bifur shook his axe-wounded head and face-palmed.

Gandalf had disappeared again, so that only left dear little Bilbo.

Had he of known the social pressure of the conversation and not been ignoring everything that came out of everyone’s mouth while he fantasised about his Hobbit hole and the shire, he would have not given the answer that he did.

He heard the question just fine. He didn’t hear everyone calling the poor Dwarves ugly, or refusing to entertain them. He only just noticed everyone’s eyes on him as he tilted his head to the left, pipe smoking away.

“What?” He asked worriedly to the group of eyes.

A few Dwarves snickered at him. “Are you really considering the question that hard?” Bofur jested.

“Not at all! Why I think they are both good looking fellows! Probably Kili has the edge, I’ve never been very fond of beards, being a Hobbit!”

Wrong answer! The group stared at him. Cicadas screeching their wings in the woods sounded off at such an ironic time, their noise was more noticeable in the silence.

No-one slept in close proximity to Bilbo that night, maybe Kili edged a little closer subconsciously.

Poor Hobbit was just being polite...