Finding Forgiveness

Kira's POV
"mummy's not feeling well ok so just relax," I heard Evgeni with our son at the door.

I was dying to see my little guy. I needed to know for myself if he was ok and at the same time maybe he could make me feel worthwhile again.

"Mummy," he peered out from behind Evgeni's legs with tears in his eyes.
"Come here baby," I pulled the blankets back and he ran over to me.
"Be careful bud," Evgeni warned him as he climbed up onto the bed next to me.
"He's fine," I wrapped my arms around my little man, "I am just glad your ok."

I couldn't have held on any tighter to him without squishing him as he cried.
"It's ok Mik, everything's going to be ok."
"Did Uncle Alex do to you?" he looked up at me with tears running down his bright pink cheeks.
"No buddy, no I just tripped," I kissed his forehead.

I wasn't exactly sure whether I was telling him the lie to protect him or maybe to protect myself.

"Why was he at home?"
"What?" I frowned not thinking Misha actually knew he was there.
"I heard noise and walked into the hallway, he took me back to bed and tucked me in."
"We just had to talk," I let myself cry as I lied again to my son.

I had never made a habit of lying to him and I didn't want to start now, but he would never understand and Alex was important to him, I thought he was important to me too.

"Does it hurt," he traced his little finger across my jaw.
"A little bit, but don't worry mummy will be ok," I wiped away his tears and kissed his nose for good measure.

See when my son was around he became my main priority. Everything else in the world stopped, everything that was on my mind didn't exsist anymore. Some people would say that was bad for me, but right now forgetting was all I wanted to do.

Evgeni's POV
I was scared for Kira. I knew how she pushed people away when she was hurt, she had done that many times to me. I was just hoping maybe now it would be different, maybe because of Misha she would be ok.

I know when things went wrong for me, or when I was so exhausted I couldn't deal with hockey any longer, I knew that once I saw my smiling son that everything was ok and that nothing else mattered in the world. But I didn't think that was what Kira should be doing this time around. 

The nurse told me to encourage her to talk about her feelings, to try and get her to tell me what was going on in her mind, let me know when she is having a bad day. But with Misha there I didn't want him seeing his mother in tears, becoming a shadow of her once happy self. I wanted Kira to be the Kira I fell in love with and if Alex had taken that away from me there would be hell to pay.

"Hey," Vero popped her head in the door, "we are going to get going," she whispered.
"Ok," I couldn't take my eyes off either of them in the bed.
"She's going to be ok, she's strong," V put her hand on my shoulder.
"Sometimes strong bad, Kira not help herself," I shook my head.
"Well she has everyone here to help her ok? And if you guys need anything just ask, Misha can stay with us for a couple days if you need a break... oh and you," she grabbed my chin and made me look at her, don't you dare blame yourself for any of this."

Veronique was right I shouldn't be blaming myself but I couldn't help but do it. I shouldn't have gone out drinking with the guys, I should have stayed, I should have picked up on how uneasy she was. I mentioned Alex and she almost squirmed at his name, that should have been a ringer for me, but no I was too blind to see it. I could have handled him, he isn't as tough as he likes to think.

"Daddy," Misha stirred.
"Yeah bud?" I helped him as he climbed out from under the blankets.
"Is mummy going to be ok?" He wrapped his arms around me.
"I hope so Mik, I hope so," I kissed his little forehead for good measure.