Finding Forgiveness

Kira's POV
I was seriously beginning to feel like I could put all of this behind me and finally move on but the moment I saw those two pink lines I couldn't handle it anymore.

I put Misha in bed and told him I loved him no matter what before grabbing a 6 pack of beer, a knife and headed up to the bedroom. I wasn't exactly sure what I was going to, I just wanted to numb the pain. There was no way I was having Alex's child. I couldn't do it, I couldn't put Evgeni and Misha through that.

I got into the bath tub thinking it would help calm me down before I did anything irrational but I soon discovered nothing was going to help me but Evgeni.

"Just do it," I told myself as I held the knife to my arm, "it will help."

I didn't know what I was thinking as I dragged the blade across my skin but it made me feel like some of pressure had gone. It wasn't enough though as I watched the blood trickle down my arm, if that's how I felt cutting my arm then maybe it would feel better somewhere else.

I straggled my knife handle as my hands trembled. The blade touched my skin, I watched as it pressed my stomach, "just do it," I told myself again.
"Kira?" I heard Evgeni call and I couldn't do it.

I let the blade fall into the bath and grabbed hold of my arm in pain as I was brought back to reality, "Is everything ok?" he knocked on the door.
"Leave me alone," I didn't really want to be alone. I wanted him to hold me and tell me everything was going to be ok, I wanted him to promise he would never leave me.

Evgeni's POV
Some days things seemed to be all aright and other days it seemed like the world just wouldn't give us a break, things got down right atrocious and I didn't how much longer I could handle it.

I had been away on a road trip for the weekend and was dying to get home. I checked on Misha as always and headed to bed.
"Kira," she wasn't in bed but the bathroom door was shut, "is everything ok?" I knocked on the door.
"Leave me alone," I was expecting the door to be locked but was relieved when it wasn't.

"Go away!" she cried as I walked in to find her in her underwear in the bath in no more than 6 inches of water.
"Kira, what are you doing?" I looked around at all the empty bottles of beer.
"I can't do it," she slumped over the edge of the bath, "I couldn't do it," she cried as I wrapped my arms around her.
"Do what?" it was then that the light shimmered off something silver in the water.

"Kira," my gut tightened when I saw what is was that was lying in the bottom of the bath tub, "What are you trying to do?" I reached in and grabbed the knife putting it out of reach.
"I can't do this anymore," her head tilted back like she was about to pass out.
"Kira," I grabbed a towel and pulled her from the tub and into my arms, "What's going on?" I ran my hand down the side of her face.
"I am pregnant," she began choking on her tears.
"What?" I felt like I had been hit with a tonne of bricks, "but we haven't..."
"It's not yours." she scrambled from my arms to the toilet.

I felt like I was going to be sick myself. Why did life have to so cruel? How on earth were we ever going to get passed this? Alex not only had taken a part of her away but somehow gained back so much more.

"What are we going to do?" I stared at the floor.
"I don't know," she clutched her stomach and sat back against the wall, "I just want this all to go away."

"Evgeni," she looked at me with her tear stained eyes.
"...Yeah?" I could feel my head spinning a around a million miles a second as I grabbed my hair trying to relieve the anger in me.
"I can leave if you want..."
"No!" my voice cracked with desperation as that was the last thing I wanted her to do, "no," I cleared my throat as I climbed to my feet, "not being with you is the last thing I want," I sat down next to her, "We can, we can figure this out," I wrapped my arms around her, "just please, please don't do anything like this again."

I couldn't believe she would actually consider ending it just like that, leave me to find my beautiful girlfriend covered in blood. I knew she hurt but I seriously thought we would be ok. Now there was a whole new thing to consider.

"What do you want to do?" I rubbed my hand up and down her back as she laid on my chest calming down.
"I don't know," she mumbled, her teeth chattering and her hands shook.
"Are you going to keep it?" it was almost the only thing I wanted to know right now.
"I don't know," a fresh set of tears fell from her eyes.
"Whatever you choose I will be here for you," I dropped a kiss to her forehead.
She buried her face into the crook of my neck and cried away.

I knew it wasn't her fault that she was pregnant and if it was too hard for her to get rid of the baby then I would fully support her, but there would be no way on this earth that Alex would ever be getting near her again.