Finding Forgiveness

Evgeni's POV
I was lying in bed trying to muster up the energy to get out and start making breakfast. I couldn't be bothered and the fact that Kira was lying with her head on my chest, snuggled tightly into my side made me want to move even less.

She had been on a knifes edge since finding out she was pregnant. Jeffrey slept by her feet all the time keeping a close eye on her making her feel that little bit safer when I wasn't around, he was such a good dog.
 
"No," she  mumbled, "Alex."
She had been having nightmares on a regular basis, waking up with a fright where I had to spend the next 15 minutes or so trying to calm her down.
 
This time it turned ugly pretty quickly and I didn't know what to do. I couldn't just sit back and watch her and wait for her to come around to try and settle her.

"Kira," I grabbed her thrashing arms.
"Let me go!" she tried to pry her wrists from my hands, "Alex stop!"
It was then that I realised how similar it would be to how Alex treated her and I quickly let her go without a second thought.
 
"I am sorry," she began to calm down the moment I let her go.
"Kira please forgive me, I didn't mean to scare you."
 
"Kira," she was breathing hard, she was pale, sweating and terrified and I knew we would be in for a rough day today.

"Can you look at me? Kira, open your eyes, just look at me," getting her to face me, look into my eyes was the only way I could get her to listen anymore. It was her way of confirming it was me and that she was safe.

"It was just a nightmare, ok? Alex will never hurt you again, I promise," I traced her jaw with the back of my hand. 
She buried her face into the crook of my neck and sobbed.

Problem was he would always hurt her now. She was going to have that abortion, tomorrow she was going to the doctors and a whole other whirlpool of emotions would be unlocked. He would forever be locked somewhere in her mind.
 
"Mummy, daddy," Misha stood in the doorway to our bedroom rubbing his eyes.
"Misha," she sat up wiping the tears away.
"Why you crying?" He walked over to our bed.
"Mummy's just not feeling well," I put my hand on her back and rubbed away the tension.
"Come here," she opened her arms for him to climb up into our bed.
 
He truly was her little angel. He handed her the box of tissues from her bedside dresser and sat in front of her handing them over as she needed them.
"I love you mummy," he wrapped his arms around her. My son was pure gold.
 
Kira's POV
Misha used to be able to turn my whole day around in a matter of seconds but his ability to do so didn't always happen anymore. If I had a nightmare or flashback my day was sure to be ruined from that point onwards.

"Maybe you should come with me to hockey," Evgeni suggested after I had a shower to cool off.
"No," I shrugged off the idea without a thought.
"The guys want to see you, they miss you."
"I don't want to see anyone today," I wanted him to stop talking.
"But please there is someone I want you to talk to," he put his hand on mine.
"Why do I need to talk to someone?" I frowned.
"Kira you need help, help I can't give you. Amy she is a really nice and helps everyone when they are having problems."
"I don't need help, I don't need your help and certainly don't want Amy's help," I stood up furious that he was suggesting this.

"Can't I just deal with this my own way?" I grew angrier and angrier with him.
"Kira stop," I hated that he was calm. I hated when people stayed calm during an argument it made me feel like I was a psycho, but I guess right now I was just some messed up psycho.

"I don't want to stop," I could feel the tears brimming in my eyes, "I want this all to go away, I want my life back, I want everything to be normal, for people to treat me like a human not some savage beast, I want us back and I want you to love me."
"Kira I do love you and I worry about you everyday," he walked over to me and stood in front of me so I couldn't ignore him, "I love you with or without all your cuts and bruises," his thumb caressed my cheek, "and if I could do anything to help you I would, but I don't know how. I need you to tell me how," his eyes looked so desperate.

"Can I?" his fingers touched my lips.
"Yes, please," I begged with my eyes closed waiting to feel his lips on mine.
"Look at me first," he cupped my face with his large smooth hands.

His chocolate brown eyes had me forgetting everything going on around me. I didn't care about anything else but him, the man who had been there for me when I needed him but most importantly he was there when I didn't need him.

We had made a lot of mistakes but somehow we always ended up back together, he was my best friend, he was the father of my child and deep down he was everything I ever wanted and more. 

"No matter what happens, through everything, all the struggles, the challenges, the arguments, no matter how many times you push me away, I will always be here. I will always love you," and then he finally kissed me.

Finally after everything that had happened his lips brushed over mine as his hands stroked my back.  A part of me wanted to be closer to him and another knew we had to wait. I put my hands on his shoulders and could feel how tense they were and I knew even if it wasn't for the baby we wouldn't be ready.

I had second guessed myself and that was enough for me to stop. I didn't know how I would react if we continued to just kiss, I would probably end up crying and I didn't want to freak Evgeni out.
"Is everything ok?" he bit his lip innocently.
"Yes, I am just glad to have you."