Finding Forgiveness

Kira's POV
I was beginning to feel like I could put all of this behind me and finally move on. The guilt and regret sat in the back of mind eating away at me but Evgeni was always there to help me feel better. He reminded me it wasn't my fault and we made sure to spend at least half and hour a night talking about it before bed which really did made me feel better.

"How are feeling?" Evgeni handed me a glass of water.
"A little nervous but I think I will be ok," the Caps were back in town and I didn't want Alex to know that he had almost ruined my life, I wanted to be unaffected by him. But what I wanted when I wasn't near him and what I could do when I was near him would be two different things.
"If you need anything just tell me," he lent down and kissed my forehead.
"Ok thanks."

I kept Misha by my side, always at arms length and in my sight as we walked into the Consol Energy Center. Evgeni had his placed on my back leading passed the visitors locker room and wandering eyes of my old fellow teammates.

"Hey," Vero smiled when I walked in the locker room.
"Hey," she threw her arms around me in one of her best hugs.
It was nice to see everyone again. As much as I liked to think I could do it all on my own having their company was refreshing.

"Are you sure you were ready for this?" she asked as we sat down in the family suite.
"If I don't face it now, I never will."
I had somehow managed to ignore anything to do with him except what was in my mind but otherwise I was all clear.

My hands were sweating furiously and my heart raced so fast I was sure it was going to just stop every time his name was mentioned and his face appeared on the screen.
"You ok?" Vero put her hand on mine.
"Yeah, yeah I am ok," I felt a surge of confidence run through me as I took a deep breath.

I was going to be ok, I wasn't going to let Alex ruin my life and take away everything I ever wanted, I was here to fight and by the looks of it so was Evgeni.

"Look at him, standing up for his woman," Vero smiled as Evgeni and Alex began to tussle against the boards
"Get him G," it was then that I noticed I was actually smiling at Veronique's antics.
"Stop it V," I slapped her leg.
"Oh come on, just have some fun," she tried to encourage me.
"If I have fun, I will get mean."
"Well get mean, you have every right to be angry at him. He took so much away from you," she looked desperate for me to listen and let it sink in.
"I guess but..."
"But what?" she stopped me before I could make an excuse, "if you don't get angry soon you are never going to be able to move on."
"Ok," I took a deep breath, "I will get mad, just not yet."

***"*******************************************

"and then daddy swung like this and punched him in the face," Misha stood up on his bed reenacting the fight Evgeni and Alex had.
"I know I saw... but don't you ever do that ok?" I pointed to him.
"But mum," he whined.
"No but's, go to bed."
"No," he jumped down and went to run out the door but thankful Evgeni was walking in and grabbed him.
"And where do you think you are going?" Evgeni picked him up and he attached to his hip.
"I don't want to go to sleep," he gave his best puppy dog eyes.
"Ok well how about I read you a story?"
"Yeah," he beamed.

Misha loved it when Evgeni read him a bed time story, it had become a must on the list of things to before bed almost every night for our little guy. Not that I was complaining, it gave me a window of 20 minutes to do whatever it was I wanted.

"Hey, I am just going to go around and see Vero," I gave Evgeni a kiss, "and you mister better be asleep when I get back," I grabbed Misha's nose.
"Mummy," he giggled, "don't."
"And why not?" I did it again.
"It's my nose," he pushed my hand away.
"I know that and it's cute like a button," I touched it one last time, "alright I won't be long, goodnight sweetie," I kissed his forehead and settled next to Evgeni with a book ready and waiting.

Kira: 'Which room is his?'
Mike: '34, if you get into trouble ring me.'
Kira: 'ok thanks.'

My heart was racing a million miles a second and I thought I was just going to collapse after knocking on his door.

"Kira," he looked like he had seen a ghost.
"You," I pushed him back into his room, "I don't know what you thought you were doing and I don't care what you thought you were doing..."
"Kira..."
"No Alex I don't want to hear it. If getting back at me was your aim you surely didn't succeed because Evgeni is there for me more than you ever have been and I don't need you in my life to make it complete. You are a sad, pathetic piece of crap that I don't care what happens to because you didn't let me down, you let my son down and that in it's own is enough to piss right off," he reached out to try and grab me.
"Don't you ever touch me again," I pushed his hands away. I wasn't going to cry in front of him, as scared as I was I wasn't going to let him know that.
"But Kira..."
"Don't," I backed away as he moved closer.
"Kira," he touched my arm.
"No," I was terrified that he would hurt me again and my natural reaction was to throw my fist his way.

He fell to his knees clutching his face, I hoped it bruised to match the one on his opposite cheek from Evgeni so he would have a nice reminder not to mess with us. I made the mistake of looking into his eyes, he seemed so sorry. They full of regret and sorrow but I didn't feel sorry for him. He messed up, he made the mistake and he was going to have to live his life with those consequences.
"I hope that hurt," I clenched my fists before walking out.

I don't think I took one breath until I got home and was back with Evgeni but once I did breath I felt like I was finally rid of all these feelings. I didn't feel scared anymore, I felt like facing my fears was the best thing I could have done ever.

"Kira are you ok?" he wrapped his arms around me as we sat on the couch.
"Yeah I am fine," I held tightly onto his hand.
"What did you do?" he grabbed my hand and looked at my knuckles. I honestly didn't feel the bruising but when I knew it was there it hit.
"Um well Alex now has a matching bruise on the other side of his face," I admitted reluctantly.
"You went and saw Alex?" he looked shocked, "did you he hurt you? If he did you have to tell me," he went to get up.
"No, no Evgeni he didn't," I grabbed his hands, "I am ok, really, I am ok," I kissed his lips softly.
"Good," he closed his eyes as a sense of relief washed over his features.