Finding Forgiveness

"Zhenya!" she came running down the stairs and into the lounge room where I was sitting watching re runs of Friends, that dumb show Sid had been forcing me to watch.
"Yes," I looked up to see my beautiful wife standing with something hidden behind her back.
"Look," she stood waving a little white stick at me.
"What?" I strained my eyes to try and see what it was and when I saw it I knew I wouldn't happier then I was at this moment, "Positive?"
"It's positive," she ran over and jumped into my lap, "we're having a baby," she smiled so widely.
"We're having a baby?" I repeated tilting the test to see for myself.
"Yes," she nodded with a few tears brimming in her eyes.
"Kira," I smiled pulling her to me to kiss her hard on the lips.
"I love you," her hands cupped my face.
"I love you too."

You know how they say you don't know what you have got until it is gone? Well it's true.

3 times I lost her, 3 times and every single time it was my fault. If I wasn’t such a dumb teenager trying to impress my friends in the first place I was certain nothing else would have happened, but because of that I messed up again. I gave her the chance to love someone else and she did.

It just so happened to be that the someone she loved used to be a good friend and I couldn’t handle losing her to someone I didn’t believe deserved her and he didn’t.

Life was full of chain reactions like that but when I met my son Misha all that went away. Our relationship could never have been stronger. He was a part of both of us and even after what Alex did to her we were able to fight through everything together.

"Mummy?" Misha stood at the bottom of the stairs rubbing his eyes.
"Yeah bud?" she slipped off my lap and turned her attention to our newly turned 6 year old.
"You wake me up," he looked so sad.
"Come here," she put her arms out and he ran over to us.
"We're sorry buddy."

“Dad,” he looked up at me.
“Yeah,” I ran my hand over his forehead and through his hair.
“Can I come to hockey with you tomorrow?”
“I think I can arrange that,” I dug my fingers into his side making him break out into a fit of laughter.
“Dad stop!” he began kicking and screaming in protest.
“Why should I?”
“Because, mum!” he was sprawled out on his back across our laps trying to get away.
“That’s not a reason,” I tickled his neck making his face go red.
“Dad!” he began to silently laugh.

“Woah sweetie,” Kira grabbed him as he rolled off of our laps and landed on the floor.
“Ow,” he stood up rubbed his head.
“You ok?” she brushed off his knees as he glared at me.
“Yes,” he pouted.
“You sure?”
“Yes,” his glare turned into a smile as I poked my tongue at him.

“Dad,” he grumbled jumping back into my lap.
“What?” I wrapped my arms around him.
“That was mean,” he sat on my lap with a pout on his face.
“It wasn’t my fault you fell,” I grabbed his hands as he tried to wrestle me.
“You made me.”
“Did not,” I jabbed him in the ribs with my finger.
“Did,” he folded his arms across his chest.
“Not,” I poked his neck.
“Did,” he squirmed.
“Not,” I tickled him again before Kira stopped us.

“It is way past someone’s bed time,” she reminded pointing to the clock.
“Sorry mum,” he wrapped his arms around her and gave her a kiss on the cheek, “goodnight.”
“Goodnight bud,” she tapped his back as he ran off.
“Come on dad,” he jumped up onto the first step.
“I am coming,” I sighed.

“I be back soon,” I lent down and gave her a kiss on the lips.
“Ok,” she smiled watching me as I headed up the stairs.

“Goodnight buddy,” I sat down on the edge of Misha’s bed and tucked him in.
“Goodnight dad,” he rolled over.
“Love you,” I lent down and kissed his head.
“Love you too,” he smiled and cuddled his teddy.

“Now where were we?” I sat back down.
“Somewhere around here,” she sat back on my lap and slid her hands under my shirt.
“Mmm seems about right,” I sighed as she kissed my neck.

It may have taken me a few years to realize it, to realize how much I needed her and sure I made a lot of mistakes along the way, I mean a lot of mistakes but in the end I got what I always wanted. I got my best friend.

Our lives are not determined by what happens to us but by how we react to what happens, not by what life brings to us, but by the attitude we bring to life. A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events, and outcomes. It is a catalyst, a spark that creates extraordinary results.