Let's Set Our Hearts At Self-Destruct

Wake up. Wake. Up. WAKE UP.

Her mind screamed at her. That was the first night it happened. The first night she learned she couldn’t trust herself.

Finally, Avery woke up and her body screamed at each subtle movement.

What. The. FUCK.

It said. She groaned loudly and suddenly felt something next to her move. It scared her, causing her to jump and fall off the bed.

“Fuck.”

She muttered and for the first time that morning, opened her eyes. The sun was shining and it was then that she decided she loathed the sun. Avery looked up to the bed above her and realized she wasn’t in her room.

“Fuck.”

She said a bit louder when she saw a boy’s head pop up to look down at her.

“Mmm.”

He said and rolled over, covering his head with the blanket.

Avery looked down at herself and upon seeing that she wasn’t wearing anything but a pair of underwear, she threw herself back on the floor.

After what seemed like hours, she slowly got up and searched for her clothes. She wished the sun didn’t exist; it was making her wish she were never born. Or maybe that was the massive hangover she was nursing. Finding the boy’s shirt and nothing else, she reluctantly threw it over her head hoping it covered enough skin for her to get away with. Holding her head, Avery walked down the hallway until she found the living room cluttered with bodies she didn’t recognize and various empty bottles or cans scattered around them.

“Ava.”

She heard her name being whispered from God knows where and when her eyes settled on a familiar face, she let out a sigh of relief. Avery made her way to the kitchen, being careful not to step on anyone or anything. She didn’t recognize the house but she remembered him taking her to the party. That was the last thing she remembered. When she reached her destination, she wrapped her arms around her best friend and he chuckled at her.

“Ava. Ava, where are your pants?”

“I don’t know.”

Avery said, resting her chin on his chest and looking up at him. She furrowed her brow and chewed her lip.

“Jaime, what happened last night?”

“If I would have known you’d get shit faced and end up with a total stranger, I would have never taken you. I’m sorry.”

He rested his head on hers and closed his eyes. Jaime had been her best friend since their first day of freshman year. They were both young and scared. They were still young and scared. But Jaime had always promised to protect his Ava. Without her, he wouldn’t have been able to keep his sanity.

They were both sixteen now and it had been their first party. He didn’t think she would take a liking to the alcohol and meet other boys to party with. He wanted her all to himself. He wanted her to have fun with him. She was his Ava. He should have never brought her. Jaime sighed and shook his head and felt a slight throbbing there. Avery wasn’t the only one who had been drinking.

Little did they know, everything changed after that night. Avery got a taste of the party scene and the sweet alcohol it provided. She chose partying over hanging out with Jaime and it put a strain on their relationship. She’d get upset with him easily and would deal with it by drinking until she couldn’t see straight and hooking up with a new boy. She hated herself for it. Every weekend, she’d wake with a headache next to a body she didn’t know. Every weekend, she’d regret the decisions she’d make. Ava was growing up too fast and one day it would slap her in the face. She didn’t care.

Soon, Jaime stopped talking to Avery altogether. She wasn’t his “little Ava” anymore. She’d ditch him, get into fights with her parents, skip school; he didn’t know who this girl was anymore. And he didn’t want to know her.