Life Is but a Dream for the Dead

I woke up with the worst hangover, and went to get a little more Tylenol than necessary. Mikey gave me a disapproving look as I climbed up the stairs around two to grab something to eat. Frank didn't seem the happiest about it either, though I didn't care because I'd taken enough Tylenol to go to school naked and not notice. Plus last nights high hadn't quite worn off yet either.

"Why hello," I commented cheerfully, plopping between the two on the small couch. I was half sitting on Frank, and half on Mikey. I propped up my legs on Mikey's lap and rested my head on Frank. "How are you?" I made sure to emphasize.

"What did you take?" Mikey asked, surprising me with how blunt he was.

"Tylenol."

"How many?" I cam up blank, I had lost count around five, when the familiar spinning had begun to fill me with a sudden energy boost.

"More than five," I replied as if it was no big deal. I'd taken more than that and was still perfectly fine, though that had been over the expanse of a couple ours.

"Shit Gee. What did you take it with?" I assumed from Mikey's reaction that Frank had told him about the previous night.

"Just water, jeez Mikey, chill it's no biggy." Whenever I was high off pills, nothing mattered to me because I was happy in my own little world.

"You should go lay down. You can talk to me when the drugs were off." I wasn't used to Mikey's straight-forwardness; because of his sudden change in attitude, I felt the need to ignore him. "Seriously Gerard, off." He pushed my legs from his lap, causing me to land on the floor. I realized, when he used my full name, that he was legitimately pissed, Mikey wasn't one to o overboard with his emotions. He could wear a simple smile whilst clapping inside, and something as simple as 'Gerard' got his point across.

"Fine," I stomped towards the front door.

"Wrong way," Mikey notified me, though I hadn't been planning on going back to my room. I slammed the front door behind me as I fished my keys from my pocket. I needed to get away.

Mikey's POV

I watched as Gerard headed for the front door, reality only caught up to me as I heard his car roar to a start. He'd driven under the influence before, but that was only after a few beers, now he was going to attempt to drive after taking way more than the recommended amount of Tylenol.

I hadn't a clue where he was going, only that I needed to find him. I found myself rushing out the door, and pulling Frank quickly behind me. I hollered to my parents that I was going out and took for the sidewalk. Gerard had run off plenty of times before, but it was never my fault, unlike now when I felt the guilt that he could be dead in some alley.

"Where are we going?" Frank asked as we neared a park.

"I don't know!" I cried, flinging myself down on a bench. "Shit, I've got no idea. He could be anywhere." He could be dead. I kept my last thought to myself. If Gee got into an accident I wouldn't be able to live with myself. "Think Mikey, think." I repeated this a dozen times until an idea popped into my head. "Bert."

"Wait, that dude with the greasy long black hair and a beard who always wears shorts?" I nodded and he looked at me in disbelief.

"Now come on before he does something stupid." I knew where Bert lived because of the many times Gee would call me to puck him up. Bert wasn't a bad guy, and it wasn't his fault that Gerard was a druggie, though sometime he would provide the drugs. He'd drive himself over there, so I'd have to walk, so I knew that he didn't live too far, just a couple blocks away.

When I rang the doorbell Bert was quick to answer and it was obvious he had been into something stronger than pills. "Where's Gerard?" I asked, pushing past him and into the house.

"Not here," Bert tried to block my path, but failed miserably. I was soon able to see Gerard bent over the coffee table in the living room with a dollar bill up to his nose. I stood in shock as I witnessed my brother take a hit.

When Frank appeared behind me, he wasn't as shell-shocked as me, pushing his way towards Gerard and yanking him up. "Mikey?" Gerard asked me with blood shot eyes. I felt tears stain my face as I ran out of the house, resting on the porch and emptied my stomach into the grass.

Gerard's POV

I watched as my brother ran from me and felt the force of Frank's hand to my face. Unlike Mikey he was very expressive with his emotions. "What the fuck is your problem?" He shouted and I felt the guilt build up in my stomach. He then proceeded to storm from the house to comfort Mikey. I knew that I'd screwed up big time. It would've be better if that had been my first hit, if I hadn't already done two other lines.

"Fuck!" I knew that I should have followed Mikey and Frank outside, but I felt immobile. "Fuck!" I said again, louder this time. I began to feel tears stain my face. I loved Mikey to death, and now I'd screwed up our entire relationship, and any chance of befriending Frank was out of the question.

"G-Gee?" I hear Mikey stutter as he made his way closer to me. "Shit Gee." I felt Mikey's arms wrap around me. "God Gee what have you done?" I was glad to hear 'Gee' coming from his lips again, but disappointed to hear the fear in his voice. "I love you Gee," I felt myself slipping from consciousness with Mikey still holding onto me tightly.

I awoke in my bed with Mikey curled up next to me. His face was still stained from his tears, and he looked so weak, holding onto me for dear life. I heard a cough above me, and was startled until I saw Frank climb down, and a thud echoed in my ears as his feet hit the ground.

"Morning." I said, climbing over Mikey and stumbling over my feet, the headache catching my attention right away.

"More like afternoon." I looked at him with a confused expression. "It's like two." Frank answered after noticing my confusion. "You passed out yesterday, I dragged you and Mikey back here. He was too busy clinging to you to be of any help. He's been curled up to you ever singe I laid you down. You're lucky that you have such a caring and forgiving brother, and since I'm his friend, I'll except that. But I swear, if you ever do something like this to Mikey again, I won't just sit back and watch him tear himself apart." I hadn't realized how much Frank had cared about Mikey, but it was obviously enough to threaten me.

"I'm sorry." He didn't seem impressed by my words. "Shit, I love him so much." I felt tears well up in my eyes as I continued to explain. "I've never wanted to hurt him, but I always do. I have too many problems that he's been forced to deal with. I'm such a fuck up, a-and he's so fucking pure!" I hated that I had placed Mikey in this situation.

"Gee?" Mikey's voice was muffled by the layers of blankets that covered his body. "Gee?" He sounded frightened as he groped the space around him.

"Shh, I'm right here Mikey," I wrapped my arms around his trembling body.

"Hey, I'm going to head out, I'll see you Monday." Frank left us alone to deal with my 'problems.'

"B-by Frankie," Mikey cried, still clinging to me. "Why Gee?" He asked once Frank was out of the room.

"I'm a shitty brother." I explained, and to me it was a legitimate answer, but Mikey didn't buy into it.

"No you're not Gee, you're the best." Mikey's words didn't convince me, and I continued to hit myself mentally. "I don't want to lose you. You're my best friend." I couldn't handle seeing him so upset, and if it meant making him happy, then I'd try to quit.

"I'll stop." Mikey looked up at me in disbelief. "I'll try." I reassured. "I promise Mikey."

"Thank you," he whispered, still nuzzled up to me, eyes squeezed shut. It was going to be difficult, but I promised that I would try, and I was going to give it my all.

I fell asleep with Mikey pressed close and I have never slept through the night, (well for as long as I could remember) but tonight was different. I felt safe with Mikey there.

I was shaken awake by Mikey moving around next to me. My clock read nine a.m. and that was absolutely too early. I found it easy to fall back asleep, though not for long.

I heard the thumping of footsteps bounding down the stairs. The door flew open to reveal Frank bounding into the room before attacking Mikey. "Get off me." Mikey mumbled, pushing Frank away. "What the fuck are you doing here?" We weren't used to waking up before noon when we didn't have to. And it was a fact that the Way's were not morning people.

"I come bearing great news!" Mikey didn't appear pleased. "Pencey's playing in Newark next weekend!" I didn't know what he was going on about or who/what Pencey was.

"That's cool Frank, can I go back to sleep?" Mikey seemed excited for him, but annoyed at the same time.

"Oh come on." Frank tugged Mikey's arm, trying to force him up. "I have practice at two, and I have nothing to do till then." Mikey reluctantly got up to pleas Frank "You should come with me, you can come to Gerard." I snapped my head at hearing my name only to realize that Frank had invited me.

"Uh, what exactly is going on?" I asked Frank while I walked to retrieve the pills that kept me sane, simply taking one from each, due to my promise to Mikey.

"My band, Pencey Prep," was all he said to explain. He eyed me cautiously as I gulped down the pills.

"Relax," I told him. "They're just the pills that I'm supposed to take, strictly for health use." frank didn't seem convinced, but Mikey was, which made me happy. "So where's your band playing?"

"Some club in Newark, we're opening for Thursday. The crowds going to be huge." He was right, it would definitely be packed there. Thursday was huge all over Jersey, they hadn't quite made it past state limits, but everyone in the state knew who they were. I wondered how they'd gotten so lucky to be able to open for them. Most of the bands that had any contact with them had gone on to make something of themselves.

"Wow, that's awesome!"

"Yeah, but after that we're going to be drummer less."

"Wait, Tim's quitting." Mikey interrupted, the shock visible on his face. "Shit, what happened?"

"There was just a falling out between us." I assumed that there was something more than friends between Frank and this Tim guy. "It's over now." He clearly didn't want to talk about it and neither me nor Mikey was going to push him.

"Doesn't Ray's friend, Bob or whatever play?" Mikey offered.

"I don't know, Shaun's been talking about leaving too. We'll just have to see what happens after Friday." Though he tried to put on a happy face, it was obcious that he knw it was over. But he was still young, and starting a band later in life would be easy.

"Oh come on, there are plenty of people that can play guitar. I play, Ray plays. Even Gee plays." Frank looked over at me.

"I do not!"

"Yeah you do."

"Well, I'm not any good."

"Yeah you are, you're the best."

"I got kicked out because I couldn't play Sweet Home Alabama." There was a second of complete silence before Frank began laughing. "What?"

"Dude, that's like the easiest song ever." I felt embarrassed and so stupid, I definitely sucked. "Hey, I can teach you, if you want." It was kind of pointless, but there would be something fulfilling about learning the song, and it was Frank that was willing to help.

"Yeah, that'd be cool." I smiled.

"Anyway, we should get going, got to set up and stuff. You coming Gee?" I shook my head. I needed to straighten out my thoughts before I did anything. I was beginning to think of Frank as more than Mikey's friend. He was kind of cute, and I often found myself staring at his lip ring, or the scorpion on his neck, which led me to wonder if he had anymore tats.

When they left I laid down on the bottom bunk and forced myself not to get up, otherwise I'd probably just down myself in pills and alcohol. I knew that Frank was gay, or at least bi, but until now I hadn't really thought of myself as straight or gay. I'd crushed on a few girls, but I was a nobody, so crushes were just that. I never showed much interest in anyone, knowing that they would never notice me. Frank noticed me, he was nice to me, he care about me, well he cared about Mikey at least.

The more I thought about Frank the more I craved a drink. I was stuck with a simple cigarette that did nothing for my shaking hands. "One pill," I told myself as I pulled out a bottle. Seven anxiety pills later I felt myself losing consciousness as I laid down on the floor.

When I woke up I wasn't on the floor anymore, nor was I in my room. Instead I was blinded by the white surrounding me and the bed I was on was surrounded by machines, one of them that beeped at a constant rate. There was a body next to me that had a lose grip on my hand and I saw Mikey silently drooling on the bed. I squeezed the hand and Mikey quickly shifted, looking up at me.

"Gee!" His eyes were red, and soon filled with more tears. "You lied." He told me, the tears now seeping into my hand. I felt horrible for betraying him, but I promised that I'd try and I did, but I didn't succeed. Just because I failed, didn't mean that I had given up. I wouldn't stand the disappointment in his eyes, and I hoped that someday it would disappear. "You scared the shit out of us!" I was thrown by 'us,' but my parents had probably flipped out as well. "You promised."

I heard a light knock at the door before Frank came in with two sandwiches. "Oh, you're up." Frank was very stiff, trying his best not to move, in fear that he'd explode on me. I had hope that he wouldn't be here, because unlike Mikey, who got all teary eyed, Frank got mad. "How are you feeling?" I knew that he was just trying to be nice for Mikey's sake.

"My head hurts." I saw a flash of furry pass over his face.

"Doesn't surprise me, due to the amount of pills you took." Frank glared at me, but one look at Mikey told us both to shut up. Mikey looked at Frank as though he was going to kill him. "Sorry." Frank forced himself to say.

"How long do I have to stay here?"

"They said that you'd be able to leave shortly after you woke up. We should probably call in a nurse." Mikey pressed the 'nurse' button on the remote that sat next to him. Only a few minutes passed before there was a knock at the door.

"Well, it's nice to see you awake, Mr. Way." She smiled at me happily, and it was genuine, like she actually like the job. "Now I just have a few questions." I knew they wouldn't ask me anything personal, but I didn't want to answer none the less."What did you take?" She asks, clipboard in hand.

"Buspirone," I answered simply and she automatically scribbled it down on the paper.

"How long have you been taking it? When did you last get it filled?" The questions continued until she finally finished the scribbles. "Okay, it's been brought to my attention that you have been getting refills more often then you are supposed to. From now on you will not be able to get more than one refill before March. If you take the correct amount each day, you should be fine." I hadn't been expecting them, usually they just let me off with a warning. "I believe your parents are downstairs, I just need them to sign a few things and then you may leave."

While I waited for my parents, I changed back into my clothes, though I couldn't recall putting the hospital gown on. When I left the room to meet up with my parents, I was surprised to see my mothers eyes filled with tears. I had never thought about this hurting them too, I just figured that they didn't care, since they never did anything about it.

My mother moved closer to hug me tightly, and when she let go my father did the same. The care ride was filled in an awkward silence; we dropped Frank off at his house before going home where I would no doubt be yelled at for 'scaring the shit' out of them.

"This needs to sop," was the first thing my father said after we got home and he sent Mikey downstairs. "This isn't good for any of us. Especially your brother, can't you see how much you're hurting him." I did know how much it hurt him, that's why I had tried, though I couldn't last more than 24 hours before I gave into my addictions.

"I know, I'm trying. I'll try." I pleaded with him, afraid of what he might have planned.

"I know that you thing you can do it, but you can't do it alone. To start with, we want the alcohol out." It sounded like a fair trade, I wasn't going to get anywhere with it store in my room. "Look, I know that it's going to be difficult to get off the pills. I talked to the doctors and they suggested doing that slowly." I didn't like the idea, I'd just end up craving more.

"No, I'm done with the pills," I told him.

"Gerard, it's just going to be worse if you quit all at once."I knew that my dad was right, but it would only make me want more.

"I can't." We set up a plan; they would set out the pills each morning and evening for me, keeping them from me. I had promised Mikey that I would try, and now I would strive to succeed.