Not With a Bang

Tap. Tap. Tap.

The sound of my shoes echoed against the cold tile flooring of Saint Mary’s Hospital as I made my way down the hall quickly toward a very excited Isabelle’s room. I had just heard the most amazing news when I passed the nurses’ desk earlier and needed to share in the excitement. I was positive that Isabelle already knew, she knew everything that went on inside the walls of the hospital before Harlow did when she stayed here. I never knew how, never questioned it.

I spent my days over the summer volunteering at Saint Mary’s Hospital. More specifically, I spent my days volunteering in the children’s ward where I would read and play around with the kids, anything that would bring joy to their hearts. I knew how they could feel here sometimes, like a prisoner, confined to little rooms with silly pictures that were supposed to make them feel better but didn’t. I knew how miserable they felt, how helpless. Anything I could do to bring a smile to at least one of their faces would brighten my day up.

I took a few moments to compose myself outside room 207, Isabelle’s room, to try and hide how excited I felt for the girl who had a few too many overnight stays here. “Isabelle?” I asked after knocking softly on the doorframe to let her know that I was there. She looked up from where she was was scribbling away on a piece of paper with crayons that I had brought her yesterday when she was feeling a little blue. Her eyes were bright, having obviously heard the news of her leaving the hospital that day after her mother would get off the emergency room’s floors. “I’m afraid I’ve overheard some news by the nurses’ desk this morning,” I continued, trying my hardest to look grave, as if the news I had heard was anything other than good.

Unfortunately, Isabelle was having none of it. “What did you hear? What did you hear?” she asked, practically bouncing up and down on her bed from the excitement. “What it that I was getting out today? ‘Cause I’m getting out today after mom gets off work. Hm? Was it? Was it?” She had always been a little ball of energy, ever since I first had the pleasure of meeting her. She got especially excited when she would get the news that she was getting discharged that day.

I laughed and nodded my head. “Yes, little one, I heard you get to leave us today. Doesn’t seem like you’re too excited to do that,” I teased, “and well, I was going to have these as a snack later on, but I think they’re much better suited as a present for you on your discharge day.” Isabelle’s eyes seemed to grow huge as I walked over to the bed and reached into one of the pockets of my skirt and pulled out a little plastic bag.

“Cookies!” Isabelle exclaimed. “Are they the ones your mom makes? Because they’re delicious!” Isabelle took the bag of cookies from me and immediately grabbed one of the soft chocolate chip cookies. She hummed as she took a bite, closing her eyes with a smile on her face. I nodded my head in answer even if she couldn’t see it. Yes, they were the cookies my mother made. “Lo, can we finish Alice today? Before I go?” She looked up from the snacks to me when she asked, I nodded my head once again in answer.

Every time I volunteered myself at the hospital, I would spend the time reading to the children. They enjoyed how I read. How I changed my voice to a deeper one when a man was speaking and a shrilly one for some silly character. It was whatever I thought that would best suit the characters. I would take the time to show any and all pictures to them when I was reading in a group in one of the rooms where the children were able to play amongst each other. It was something I felt like I was good at. It brought smiles to the little ones, and that was all I ever wanted to do in life.

I nudged Isabelle’s shoulder gently and told her to scoot after I found the book sitting on the table by the bed. We got comfortable on the bed with my one arm around the girl so she could curl in close and still be able to follow along in the book comfortably.

“The King and Queen of Hearts were seated on their throne when they arrived…”

I went on, reading the words aloud, changing voices to what I believed the characters sounded like and answering Isabelle’s questions when they would pop up. The questions were scarce today as she was eating one cooking right after the other until they were finished. I didn’t blame her - hospital food was the worst.

“If there is no meaning —” I was cut off by a squeal.

“Tin-Tin!” Isabelle’s voice was filled with more excitement than I had ever heard from the girl. She jumped up out of my arms and went scrambling over the edge of the bed, nearly falling off, to where a boy stood leaning against the doorframe of her room. He held a stuffed brown bear with a yellow balloon tied to it’s one paw. “Tin-Tin! Tin-Tin! Tin-Tin!” she chanted excitedly as she jumped up and wrapped both her arms and legs around him, barely giving him enough time to react to it. Still, he didn’t let her fall.

The boy looked a lot like Isabelle and I guessed he was her brother. Still, they had their differences, it seemed. Where Isabelle had long strawberry blonde wavy hair, he had shaggy chestnut colored hair that looked like it hadn’t been washed in a couple days. What really caught my eyes wasn’t his hair or the resemblance he had to Isabelle, but the black, blue and purple of a bruise on his jawline and the little red of blood that dripped from a cut right above his cheek.

I stood up from the bed and set the book back down on the nightstand after making sure to mark the page where we had stopped. The two chatted about what kind of adventure he had went on. He told her he had to save a princess. I knew now that Isabelle and I wouldn’t be finishing Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland today. I smoothed out my skirt and fixed the badge that read both my name and the word ‘VOLUNTEER’ on it in large letters. It hung from a yellow lanyard I wore around my neck.

“Lo! This is my brother Tin-Tin,” Isabelle said, finally remembering that I was still in the room and unable to get out as they were blocking the doorway. She turned around and waved me over. “This is Lo, she reads to me and sneaks me cookies,” she told her brother with a matter-of-fact tone. The boy, Tin-Tin as Isabelle had introduced him as, looked up from her to me and smiled. It was the kind of smile that melted people and that was exactly how I felt int hat moment - like I was melting against the warmth of a bright star.

It sounded like music when he spoke. “I’m Austin, only the little ladybug here gets to call me Tin-Tin.” My eyes wandered back to the little red that dripped down his cheek slowly and surely. Blood used to scare me. But you couldn’t be afraid of it when you volunteered at a hospital. I saw quite a bit of it from time to time if I take a wrong turn down a hallway.

“Harlow,” I replied, when I finally got the nerve to speak again. I was so much better at speaking to children than I was to my peers. Peers judged you. Children just smiled and asked if you were a wizard. “It looks like you got into a little battle wound on your face. Isabelle and I can patch you up real quick. I’m sure you got it from fighting a dragon or some other evil monster, right?” I asked, lift my hand to tap lightly against my own cheek where the small cut would have been. Isabelle laughed. Austin’s hand went to his face to touch the spot I had mimed. He looked to the little blood that was on his fingers from that. Isabelle grabbed his hand and tugged him over to the bed as she told him that we had to bandage him up. He tried to convince her that it wasn’t bad at all, just a little nick from a sword fighting duel he had with a duke but she wasn’t going to let him go without doing something about it.

I went to a cabinet, rummaging through to pull out a bandaid, a cotton ball, and antiseptic. I doubted the hospital would notice the bandage missing or even really care that I had been the one to use it. “Alright, ladybug, if you insist,” Austin spoke and even when he wasn’t speaking to me, it sent a chill down my back. When I turned around, Isabelle had him sitting on the bed and was plopped down beside him holding the teddybear he had brought her to her chest. Isabelle told him that she did, in fact, insist.

I handed Isabelle the bandaid when I walked over to them and dampened the cotton ball with the antiseptic. “This might sting a little,” I warned him before gently pressing it against the cut to clean it up and make sure that it wouldn’t get infected.

Austin sat still and silent as I worked and I was thankful for that. He might have been a bit distractive if he tried to talk to me. “May I have the bandaid, Nurse Isabelle?” I asked, holding my hand out to her with a smile on my face. Isabelle nodded her head and placed it in her hand. I opened it up and placed it carefully on the cut, trying my best not even to brush my fingers by some chance against the dark bruise along his jaw. I looked up through my lashed to see him looking to me and I blinked, standing up straight.

He had the same blue eyes as Isabelle. The kind of blue that reminded you on even the cloudiest day, that the sun would still peek out behind the coverage and shine. It would make everything better.

“How’d you get the, uh,” I asked, tapping my finger along my own jaw as if that would speak for itself.

“My bruise? Fighting a pirate,” he answered without missing a beat. He had a glint in his eyes as he looked at me and then winked. “Had to save a princess and he had a nasty right hook.” His answer made Isabelle laugh. His wink made my stomach do a weird flip.

I excused myself a minute or so later by saying I wanted to do to the playroom to see if anyone wanted company there and asked Isabelle to make sure she said goodbye before she left. As I walked out of the room, I couldn’t help but overhear Isabelle ask if he was home for good.

“Yeah, I’m here ladybug, for as long as you want me.”

He was just some boy, but he had a smile that made me feel warm and a wink that made me feel something I had never felt before. It scared me. I didn’t understand the feeling of having a crush on someone. But it felt nice. I had a smile on my lips the whole way to the playroom, one that didn’t disappear as the day went on.