Hold Me Down

In a crumpled heap of hoodie, blankets and pillows was my Frankie. I slowly moved closer to his sleeping form, noticing how he was clutching to my pillow as if his life depended on it. Tear tracks stained his perfect cheeks—I had made him cry.

I quietly closed my door as I slowly removed my jacket and my shoes, my eyes never leaving his sleeping form. Tucker was either at home or at Annie’s or possibly down in Gerard’s old room—he did like it down there. I crept slowly towards my bed as I knelt down in front of him.

I reach a hand—unsteadily—to brush the fringe that is covering his face. I stop just before my fingers could touch his skin; I retract my hand and lay down on the floor. I really was being too hard on myself—but he deserves so much better. Why is he so willing to remain settled for me?

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I felt something rubbing my hand; groaning as I realized where I had slept I opened my eyes. Frankie’s smiling face was hanging over the edge of my bed.

“Hey you.”

I sat up slowly; the last time I had slept on my floor was after one very substance filled night. He beckoned me to get up on the bed with him; I slowly made my way to my feet and stared down at him. He was kneeling in front of me, his arms held open. I sat tentatively beside him, his arms engulfing me as he held me close to his chest.

His lips kissed the top of my head. Tears sprung to my eyes as muttered apologies left my lips as his fingers ran through my hair. He lay us down, holding me close to him as I let out more tears. He kissed each of them away as he brushed the hair out of my face, content just staring down at the mess I was.

“Mikey, come on, seriously, I’m disappointed but I know it didn’t mean anything. I know you wouldn’t do it again…”

He wiped away a tear that time.

“We’ve been through worse…the year you were in rehab; you remember how hard that was. That was the loneliest year of my life…and…and how about the day we got married? Remember that?”

I nodded dumbly at him.

“You were so nervous, Tucker looked so handsome in his little suit…do you remember what I said to you?”

I finally met his gaze, really looking him in the eye.

“For better or for worse I will be by your side, I meant it then and I still mean it now. I’m not going to throw what we have away just for one night of drunken sex you had with, albeit it is a bit strange that it was my ex, someone else…Mikes, I, I love you far too much to let this get in the way of what we have.”

He sighed and hung his head before he moved to sit up, looking down at me.

“Mock me if you want to, I know I’m being a softy here, but you’ve got to believe me, I love you, more than you’ll ever know.”

He leant down and captured my lips with his own. He wasn’t going to let me wallow in my misery, I knew that much. I felt his hand dance along my hip bone that stuck out from beneath my shirt, goose-bumps rising on my skin at his gentle touch.

He shifted so he was straddling me, his mouth never leaving my own. He pulled away slowly; I felt his eyes on me. I slowly opened my eyes to take in the sight of him. He was just inches away from my face, almost nose to nose.

“Will you let me show you just how much I love you?”

I could only nod as he leant down to capture my mouth once again.