I Wanna Be Sedated

What Tony said hit me. Hard. He's right, we are humans, and we do have our imperfections, and we do make a lot of mistakes... But you can't always be forgiven for all of your mistakes.

I may have overreacted a little, but I love him! Yes, that's right. I love Tony. He's just, beautiful and he's really perfect for me. At least I think he is. He's everything I want, nothing less. But at the moment I don't know how I feel about him. Sure, I mean, I do want to be with him. But he lied to me! I've always been against lying, and when someone you love lies to you..

Plus, I'm sure he's done it on more than one occasion.

The one thing that I just can't stop thinking about is Chris... For starters, why did he pull me into his room? I mean, that was weird enough without him pinning me to the ground..
Secondly, why did he want to know if Tony was gay? Who even asks that, unless he... No. He couldn't?

I had been pacing around my room since Tony left, but stopped when it dawned on me...

Chris likes Tony!

That explains everything - why he was so upset about what Tony said to him, why he wanted to know if he was gay, and why he asked me, not Tony.

Isn't that funny, how one piece of information can put all the pieces together? It's like, you have all the signs, but theres one little fact that separates everything.

Upon realising this, my chest started to ache. My heart was... breaking? Could Tony like Chris back? I don't know what I'd do with myself if he did... I truly do love Tony. I don't think I could handle seeing him with another guy to be completely honest... I guess i'll have to though, Tony hates me.

I mean, be looked so pissed off when he left the room... I swear to god he probably wanted to rip my eyes out or something. He was so mad, i could feel him shooting daggers at me with his eyes.
His beautiful eyes... I could see a million emotions within them.. And none of them were good. I could only see negative emotions within his eyes.

Anger, hurt... But he deserves it. He fucking lied to me, and now he's breaking my heart. He doesn't even realise how much he means to me, and he goes and uses me.
How could I be so fucking dumb? How didn't I see this? It was plain and clear, all along.
He only wanted to use me and them he was going to simply drop me...

I was taken out of my thoughts, when I heard a voice from behind the door, "Hey Mike, you in there?" It was Vic.

"Yeah, I am." I called back.

When Vic opened the door, he walked in with a wide smile on his face, it dropped when he saw me.

"Why are you crying Mike? What's wrong? Who hurt you?" He came over and hugged me as he said that.

"I hadn't even realised I was crying," I said as I wiped the newly discovered tears from my eyes. "Nothing's wrong, and no one hurt me. I'm fine."

Vic knows me too well, he just shook his head and sighed. "Bro, I know when you're lying... Somethings obviously wrong. Tell me."

"No. I'm fine!" I snapped, "Now what'd you come in here for?"

"Oh-kay? Uh well I was going to tell you that it's time to go to breakfast." He said.

I cringed at the thought of seeing Chris and Tony, they would obviously be there... But I shrugged it off and walked with Vic to breakfast.

When I walked in, everyone was already seated. Including Chris and Tony. I sat on the end of the table next to Austin, as that was the only seat left.

Unfortunately for me, Chris and Tony were nearly opposite me, laughing and smiling and laughing together. They were so pre-occupied with their own little conversation that they didn't even realise I was sitting opposite, nor did they even acknowledge my presence in the room when I walked in.

I scoffed, and turned my attention to eating my food.

I could feel Tony's eyes on me every now and again, which made me uncomfortable. I wanted to keep him out of my mind completely... When I glanced up, he was indeed staring at me. He'd stopped talking to Chris, and he was eating while looking at me.

Even when he realised i'd caught him staring at me, he still didn't take his eyes off me. He just caught my eyes and stared into them.

"What?" I snapped at him. Fuck, I didn't want to sound so rude.

"Nothing..." Tony said, and looked back down at his plate.

"Why were you staring at me huh?" I questioned.

"I wasn't." He still didn't look at me when he said that, he kept his eyes fixed on his plate. But he wasn't even eating, his hands were in his lap.

"Ha! And you said you weren't a chronic liar... What a load of bull." I hissed.

I jumped when Tony slammed his fists on the table. Well I think everyone jumped, they were all looking at him with wide eyes. All except for Oli, he seemed to be more interested talking to 'Jake.'

"You know very fucking well that I haven't been lying to you asshole. So why do keep accusing me of it?" At this point Tony was yelling at me.

"Yeah whatever." I said.

"Mike why are you such a fucking asshole? What did I ever do to you? Yeah, I didn't tell you about talking to Chris, but that doesn't give you any fucking reason to accuse me of lying about other stuff. What's the big deal anyway? I only didn't tell you about talking to him because you told me not to and I didn't want to upset you. Besides, Chris is a nice guy." He said.

Well I certainly didn't expect that...

"What ever Tony, if you want to go and have fun with your fire-loving boyfriend, then do it. I don't give a fuck about you anymore." I said.

I can't even believe I just said that. I didn't mean it... It just blurted out! Fuck. Mike, what have you done?

Before Tony could get a word in, Chris stood up and walked out of the room, only saying "Fuck you Mike! Don't talk to Tony like that and don't say anything about me, you don't know me. You prick."

I would've loved to give him a piece of my mind, and I would have. If he didn't walk out..

"Look what you did you asshole! Chris didn't fucking do anything to you, and you just fucking insult him like that." I could see the rage in Tony's eyes, and I could almost hear the pure anger in his voice when he said, "Don't fucking speak to me again. Oh, and I'm going to move rooms. Get a room mate who isn't a total dick!" And he left me sitting there at the table, without saying another word.