I Wanna Be Sedated

Tony's P.O.V

I was sitting on my bed, talking to Jaime. We were laughing and joking, just like old times. Then Vic cam in, asking to speak to me alone. After a while, Jaime agreed and stepped out to talk to the new kid. Vic questioned me about everything. Jaime, Chris, and Mike. After I explained, he seemed content with my answers.

"I'm sorry dude. It's just that Mike's my brother and I was just looking out for him, you know?" Vic asked. I nodded. I completely understood.

"Yeah, I understand. If it were Jaime, I'd have been the same way." I said.

Vic smiled at me. A genuine, true smile. I returned it. He came and sat down on my bed.

"Also, Tony,l. I, uh. I just. Uh." He looked around the room. Then his eyes locked with my forearm. They widened.

"W- What are those?" He asked, pointing to my arm. I assumed he meant my tattoos. I pointed to one.

"What, this? Oh, it's a-." Vic shook his head, cutting me off.

"No. Those." He said, his fingers brushing against some of my scars. Shit. I didn't think anyone could see them. I pulled my arm back.

"N- nothing. They're nothing." I said, hoping he'd drop it.

Shit. What if he told all of the guys? What if they picked on me like the kids at school? What if they called me names? What if they said they hoped I died? I mean, they seemed nice, but I thought the same thing about all of my "friends" at school. Then, they all betrayed me. What if the guys did too? Shit, I couldn't handle that.

"Tony." Vic whispered. I looked up.

"Are... Are those... Did you used to. Please Tony, no." He whispered.

He sounded so desperate. Practically begging with his tone. Signaling that he hoped his thoughts were wrong. But they weren't. And I couldn't lie to Vic. I don't know why, I just couldn't. So I simply nodded. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.

"How long ago?" He asked. I thought back.

"I stopped about three months ago. But the urge is always there." I said. He looked into my eyes.

"Promise me Tony. Promise me that you will never do it again." He begged. I was shocked. Why would he ask that of me?

"Why do you even care? What, am I like some charity case to you now? You feel bad for the pathetic cutter? Well, guess what, Victor." I spat. I don't know why, but I was pissed. "I'm not going to promise. No matter what. So you can just fuck off." I got up to leave, but Vic grabbed my arm.

"Do you ever wonder why I always wear long sleeves? Even when it's hot as fuck, I still have one on? Always pulling my sleeves down. Always cautious so I don't do anything that might cause them to raise up?" He asked, his voice was quiet.

What is he going on about? I mean, sure I noticed him always wearing long sleeves. But I've only been here a few days. I didn't think anything of it. I sat back down on the bed.

"What's your point Vic?" I asked.

He pulled his sleeves up, and I gasped. His arms were littered with scars. Some scabbing over, showing that they were just a few days old. Others were pale white lines that were obviously healed for a while. I ran my fingers over them, disliking the feeling of them under my fingertips. Why? What would posses him to do this?

"W- why?" I choked out. He tensed up.

"You don't care." He replied, harshly. What? He yanked his hand back, avoiding.any kind of eye contact.

"Vic, I do care. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I've been such an asshole. I'm sorry I hurt Mike, I'm sorry I got mad at you. Just please, tell me. Why? What would make you do this?" I asked. He looked into my eyes.

"Why did you do it?" He asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

I sighed, looking down. My fingers traced the scars.

"I used to get bullied. People would call me a fag, shove me against lockers, beat me up. It was only escape." I said, looking up.

What was he going to think now? Would he make fun of me? Call me a pussy for allowing those guys to pick on me? Would he said I deserved it? That they were all right? Oh, who am I kidding. Of course they were right. I was nothing but a worthless faggot. I was fat, ugly, disgusting. I deserved to die. God, why didn't I die? I was so close. So fucking close.

"Tony-" Vic started.
"You have got to be fucking kidding me." We heard from the hall.

Vic snapped his head to the door, then looked back to me. He leaned in, so close I could smell his breath. Mints and cinnamon. I'm not even surprised.

"I owe you an explanation. Tonight, after dinner." He got up and headed for the door. "Oh." He said, turning around. "And I'm sorry. No one deserves that. Especially you."

And just like that, he was gone.