I Wanna Be Sedated

MIKES P.O.V

After the whole ordeal that went on out there, I think it would be an understatement to say that I feel like a bad person.
No, who am I kidding? That is an understatement. I fucked up big time out there. I lost Tony possibly for good, I was the reason he cut himself, thirteen times! I also hurt Chris, and he's right I don't even know him, but I hurt him bad enough that he burnt himself 4 times. I can't tell if i'm angry with myself, or disappointed...

Probably both. Either way, If I had the chance to disappear off the face of this earth... I would take it. I wouldn't even hesitate.
Fuck, I mean no one would care. All I do is hurt people.
I don't intend for it to be that way... But it just happens. I screw everything up.

Hell, the only person who's there for me is Vic.
But I have a feeling that won't last long. My own brother is soon to hate me. There isn't a doubt in my mind.

I can't blame him, or anyone, I would hate me too. I do hate me.
I lost the one person who meant the world to me, all because of my own doing. My own actions.

Vic told me we needed to talk shortly after the incident, so I walked into my room. I laid down on the floor, yes, on the floor. Assholes like me don't deserve comfort, like you get from beds.

So I was laying on the floor, and Vic entered within a few seconds.
He closed the door behind him, I could tell he wanted to slam it, but he didn't. He was trying to be as calm as possible, I figured that was so he didn't completely go right off at me... And vice-versa.

He sat down next to me, his body turned to me.
We remained as we were, in silence for what seemed like forever. Well to me it did anyway, and I wanted it to be over. Guilt was rushing through me, and all kinds of emotion.
I just wanted to rip my hair out, or do something destructive.
But that was going to get me nowhere and I knew it.

With all of these thoughts rushing through my brain, I was do thankful when Vic started to talk.

"You know Tony never intended to hurt you right?" Vic's voice was barely audible, "He really did love you. He explained everything to me Mike."

I couldn't think of anything to say, I felt so guilty...

VIC'S P.O.V

I was sitting with Mike in his room, I knew he was probably feeling guilty. And he should, but he's my brother, and I need to talk to him. He needs to short things out.

I wanted to say just the right things to him, so that he didn't get pissed off. But i didn't want to get pissed off either, I knew there was a chance I would. There's no doubt in my mind, I would go off at him. I was so mad.
I mean, yes. He's my brother, he's my flesh and blood. But what he said out there... If I wasn't related to him, I would probably have to fight back the urge to punch him.

He made Tony relapse. He was clean for 3 months. And now he's relapsed, all because of my brother. My baby brother.

We'd been sitting here for a while now, so I thought it was best to say something.
I thought about it first, and I figured it'd be best to tell him what Tony said. Every last detail. He needed to know. That way he might have a chance if mending things with him.

"You know Tony never intended to hurt you right?" I couldn't even speak above a whisper, this was going to be hard.
"He really did love you. He explained everything to me Mike."

Mike didn't say anything... So I continued on.
I knew I had to tell Mike everything, so I thought for a minute about everything that happened, everything I talked to Tony about, everything he told me.

*****flash back*****

"If you're here to talk about what happened earlier, with Jaime, I swear nothi-"

"Tony why did you tell Mike that there wasn't anything going on with Jaime, there clearly is..."

"There isn't though. Jaime and I are only good friends."

"How do you explain the kiss then? 'Good friends', don't just kiss like that."

"Jaime is more like my brother. It's like you and Mike. You care about him, and you hug him, and i've seen you kiss him on the cheek, and forehead and stuff. Jaime is like Mike is to you. Brothers. I care about him, and love him as a brother. But nothing more. We just are really close."

"Okay, so I can't exactly argue with you... That was a rational excuse. But how does that explain why you broke Mike's heart?"

"Hurting Mike wasn't intentional. I swear. I really do like him, I still do. But he overreacted and jumped to conclusions, not giving me a chance to explain my side of the story. I never lied to him, and I didn't cheat on him - We weren't even together."

*****Back to reality*****
"Mike, you know I love you. You're my favourite, and only brother. I would do anything to protect, and I'll always be there for you. But you know that you created this mess. You have to go out there and fix this mess." I was trying my hardest to not sound rude. Mike was sure to go right off at me if I sounded it. Obviously I needed to try harder, judging by his reply he was ready to kill me.

"Well what the fuck do you expect me to do? I can't just go out there. They'll all just ignore me, or try to rip my fucking head off."

Thinking for a while, I took a breath and said,

"Start by apologising. Don't go now, give them a while to cool off. I'll go and tell them, so they know not to give you too hard a time. But you need to apologise, and hope for the best. If they forgive you, great. If they don't, we know who's fault that is... I'm sorry bro. But it's the truth. And you have to accept it."

And with that, I left. Not even waiting for a reply.

*****

When I walked I walked into the room where all the guys were, I got a few glares, so I put my head down and sat in between Kellin and Alan on the couch.

"Hey Vic..." Kellin said, a little shy.

"Yeah Kellin?"

"Um, how-how's Mike?"

Everyone within earshot stiffened at the sound of his name..

"He's okay. I explained everything to him...He's going to come and apologise..." I knew what was coming next.

"Well I'm not going to fucking forgive him Vic. I'm sorry, but he crossed the line." Chris was obviously upset, it was to be expected.
"I'm not saying you need to accept his apology...Just, at least hear him out. You don't know how bad he feels."
"Well he should feel bad."
"He should. But that's beside the point, ju-just, hear him out. That's all i'm saying."

No one said anything after that, and I could tell, just by looking at the expressions on their faces, they understood me. But they were all pissed. There was no doubt. And they had every right to be. Every right in the world.