Status: This is going to take a while, bare with me.
Forgetting
31st of December
Everywhere I turned there were people; people smiling, people hugging, people greeting one another with a polite handshake. I bowed my head and concentrated forcefully on my intertwined hands. I've always hate this time of year. My ears were beginning to ring from the obnoxiously loud music the DJ was playing and I could feel the alcohol beginning to seep through my veins, taking hold of my brain and caressing my senses.
"Caleb darling, are you not enjoying yourself?" My mother bellowed in my ear. I whipped my head around and was met by the eyes I'd inherited from her; deep brown like burnt treacle. I lamely shook my head and she gave my shoulder a sympathetic squeeze. "This is the last year we'll be going," I snorted at the irony. She won't even remember she said that when she wakes up tomorrow. "it's not long anyway. What time is it? 11:55." My heart gave an uncomfortable jolt in my ribcage. 5 minutes to savour the memories I've collected this whole year, my 17th year of living.
5 minutes to remember.
Mum got up off the seat beside me and shuffled through the crowd on the dance floor. My head lolled lazily on my shoulder and I closed my eyes, recalling with relish my only memories of this year.
This year I got an A in my Maths exam.
This year I made a best friend - Max.
This year I fell off my bike and broke my arm.
This year I had my first kiss.
Anger bubbled up inside me like an overflowing cauldron. But how do I really know if it was my first ever kiss? I could have had a million other kisses in my lifetime but I just won't have remembered. By tomorrow I won't even remember THAT kiss.
I took a deep soothing breathe. It's not my fault, it's not the Governments fault. They're tying to protect me, protect us, from the pain of loss, grief, heartache and giving us a new start every year to be anyone and anything we want. "A clean slate" as my mother would call it. But even as I said it the anger running through my body like an electric charge would not subside. Maybe I wanted to remember the feeling of grief for more than a year. Maybe I wanted to remember what type of cake I got for my birthday last year. Maybe I want to remember every single kiss I have ever had. Maybe I don't want to feel like a mindless robot being switched to "reset" every year.
"5!" the crowd called. 5 seconds until my brain resets.
"4!" It was useless getting annoyed about my fate, I'd forget it by tomorrow.
"3!" It's ridiculous even thinking there's a chance to change things. This is our life now, how we were brought up. No point in changing everything now.
"2!" I squeezed my eyes shut and clung desperately to the last shreds of memories I possessed before they were ripped out of my grasp.
"1!" I took a deep breathe and -
Blank.
"Caleb darling, are you not enjoying yourself?" My mother bellowed in my ear. I whipped my head around and was met by the eyes I'd inherited from her; deep brown like burnt treacle. I lamely shook my head and she gave my shoulder a sympathetic squeeze. "This is the last year we'll be going," I snorted at the irony. She won't even remember she said that when she wakes up tomorrow. "it's not long anyway. What time is it? 11:55." My heart gave an uncomfortable jolt in my ribcage. 5 minutes to savour the memories I've collected this whole year, my 17th year of living.
5 minutes to remember.
Mum got up off the seat beside me and shuffled through the crowd on the dance floor. My head lolled lazily on my shoulder and I closed my eyes, recalling with relish my only memories of this year.
This year I got an A in my Maths exam.
This year I made a best friend - Max.
This year I fell off my bike and broke my arm.
This year I had my first kiss.
Anger bubbled up inside me like an overflowing cauldron. But how do I really know if it was my first ever kiss? I could have had a million other kisses in my lifetime but I just won't have remembered. By tomorrow I won't even remember THAT kiss.
I took a deep soothing breathe. It's not my fault, it's not the Governments fault. They're tying to protect me, protect us, from the pain of loss, grief, heartache and giving us a new start every year to be anyone and anything we want. "A clean slate" as my mother would call it. But even as I said it the anger running through my body like an electric charge would not subside. Maybe I wanted to remember the feeling of grief for more than a year. Maybe I wanted to remember what type of cake I got for my birthday last year. Maybe I want to remember every single kiss I have ever had. Maybe I don't want to feel like a mindless robot being switched to "reset" every year.
"5!" the crowd called. 5 seconds until my brain resets.
"4!" It was useless getting annoyed about my fate, I'd forget it by tomorrow.
"3!" It's ridiculous even thinking there's a chance to change things. This is our life now, how we were brought up. No point in changing everything now.
"2!" I squeezed my eyes shut and clung desperately to the last shreds of memories I possessed before they were ripped out of my grasp.
"1!" I took a deep breathe and -
Blank.
♠ ♠ ♠
Here's the first chapter for you! Don't expect regular updates from me, I'm a bust bee at the moment! Check out my other stories if you want though :) So what do you think? Tell me in the comments. Thanks.