Skinny Love

They stared at each other for what felt like an eternity before Zayn said, “You don’t have to do it.” He spoke in his thick, Bradford accent that she spent forever telling him that she loved. She looked down and nodded before twiddling with her fingers. He stared down at what she was doing with her hands. He knew that she only did that out of nervousness, he knew everything about her. Deep inside of him, he was happy to see that she hadn’t changed much. She was just a little feistier, which he didn’t mind too much. She was elevated about two feet from him, but her small frame rested on the edge of the seat with her feet hanging out of her vehicle, just inches away from Zayn’s legs. He grabbed her hand smoothly and guided her head to meet his gaze.

“Is it really going to ruin your album?” She asked just above a whisper. No matter how much she was hurt by the past, she just wouldn’t be Jessica Palermo without caring about Zayn Malik.

“Not at all. You know how Preston can be.” He shook his head and let out a dark chuckle. She knew what he meant. Of course she knew how Preston could be.

The whole time, their hands were locked just as they had been so many times. It was almost second nature to them to be engulfed in each other. It was as if they were made for each other. So many times they used to lie together after a long day and Zayn would wake up before Jessica and study her heartbeat. His fascination due to the unison of their heartbeats and breaths left him dumbfounded every time as he knew that it wasn’t common to have such a love and togetherness with just anyone. He vowed to never let her go without a fight. Truthfully, Jessica had no idea what he went through to try to keep her by his side; so much of it he wouldn’t ever tell her, because they were moments of his life that he’d rather not live again. The shame of it all isn’t worth her trying to fix him with the little bits of what’s left of her heart. Ultimately, he had to let her go through all of his actions. His efforts weren’t effective enough, so he assumed that he just wasn’t good enough to keep her at that point in his life. He just couldn’t hold onto her anymore, but he knew they were meant to be. There was no way that they wouldn’t find their way back to each other. He muttered a small, “I miss you” into the air that barely kept them separated. She laid her head on his broad shoulder and nodded, there was no use in denying it. She missed his body so much. The feeling of him towering over her made her feel so secure when she felt the most helpless, especially in moments like this.

“Let’s runaway… together.” His words caught her off guard. When she found out that she was going to be seeing him again, she expected to be furious. The truth and hurt behind his soft eyes helped her see doors that he kept hidden away. So many times he admitted to being a man of few words, because he didn’t think anyone would understand him. She, however, understood him perhaps more than she understood herself. And with that understanding, came knowledge of what was best for him and running away together just wasn’t it. She knew that their problems were deeper than that, the hurt wasn’t just skin deep. His career couldn’t be sacrificed over their issues, so she shook her head even though her heart was ready to revv up the engine and leave all their troubles behind them. She just couldn’t do that with him, though.

The hurt in his eyes was indescribable. It broke her heart to more pieces than she thought possible. “We can’t do that right now. We need to talk first.” She kept her voice calm and steady. It was the first time that she used ‘we’ in a sentence in five months that actually referred to Zayn and herself. She was sensitive to his pain, but he had to realize that one look into those brown eyes that were grazed with gold and green fixtures which surrounded an onyx orb in the center wouldn’t fix anything as it had in the past. She leaned down to meet his eyes and stroked his cheek. As she laid the most tender kiss on his lips, she felt the spark that kept her alive for so long. Surely she would have graced death without it by now.

“We’re inevitable, Malik.” Through his darkest hour, his darkest thought, she would be there. Though they were technically not together, when were they ever apart? The bond they had was stimulated by the internal connection that they withheld from their destiny of togetherness. While they were completely meant to be, she wouldn’t let him get off that easy. They had to talk about what happened that day; she had to grasp the concept of the breakup that sent her into a frenzy of misery for five months. She locked herself in her apartment feeling as if she was bleeding from the inside out. She had finally let a man in after much determination to keep him out. He said that he wouldn’t leave her like the others have, like her father had. He told her every day that he would marry her, that he wanted to father her kids. His love made her feel like the beautiful girl that everyone said she was. She finally started to believe it deep within her heart until he left that Sunday afternoon. That day, the rain met her tears and they were on in their depths of misery.

Zayn then revealed the smile that made Jessica melt so many times. “Jess,” he began. It made her heart soar to hear that breathy sound that was her nickname. Only he called her that. Just as he attempted to continue, Preston cornered around Jessica’s truck and stopped him in his tracks. They knew their love was supposed to be forbidden, but they couldn’t stay away from each other. Preston would have to learn one way or another; they were going to be together. Zayn gave Jessica one last kiss that lingered on her taste buds and sent her into a coma from his Gucci cologne. Preston watched and stood still as he watched the two rejoice, obviously not excited by their actions, he cleared his throat and asserted attention.

“This will stop, now! You know how she hurt your career before. Zayn, we need you back inside for more productive things,” with that, he walked away.

Jessica cringed as he stomped frumpily in his ill-fitted, light wash denim jeans. It was clear that he was alone and unfashionable. Tragic, just tragic. Just as Zayn stepped away, he called out “tonight.” Jessica knew exactly what he meant. Tonight they would have a rendez-vous just like old times, but hopefully this would be like old times when it was just a regular thing. When she actually started the car, she caught Barbra Streisand singing the final verse of ‘My Man’ from her favorite film “Funny Girl,” that she made Zayn watch with her so many times even though he always fell asleep after the first couple of times of seeing it. As if on cue, she belted out the words that deeply related to everything Jess was feeling at that point.

‘Oh my man, I love him so

He’ll never know,

All my life’s a spare, but I don’t care

When he takes me in his arms

The world is bright, alright

What’s the difference if I say, I’ll go away

When I know, I’ll be back on my knees someday

For whatever my man is

I am his, forever more.’

The final note that Barbra belted out left Jessica speechless. She then uttered the words,’ Forever thine, forever mine, forever ours.’ Such words were written down by Voltaire in one of Zayn’s favorite poems. He always whispered them in Jess’ ear when she felt that she had nothing left. Their relationship was never one-sided, at times she had to help him understand that the only way to catch your breath is to lose it completely. They balanced each other out, but like every couple they had their problems. Sometimes, Zayn has to leave for a while as does Jessica. The time they spend apart at times exceeds the time they spend united. They fought over who was visiting who next, but once they were together, it seemed as if everything diminished because they had to cherish the time that they could in the arms of each other. One thing they never fought over was if they loved each other. That felt too silly, trivial even. They loved each other more and more every day, possibly more after they broke up. They found to appreciate each other more once they weren’t together. Zayn was always a huge romantic and it seemed that only she knew that. Jessica would always call him Zayn Malik as a tease of the power that his name held, he was quick to resolve the teasing with one quick sentence,” I wouldn’t be Zayn Malik without you.”

As a true romantic would, he sent her the words of her favorite 21st century poet, Tyler Knott, which he earnd bonus points for remembering. As she parked her car, she went on to read:

‘Will you fly away from here with me? Will you look down from where you were and realize that, no matter what, no matter where, as long as the littlest feathers on our strongest wings touch, we will, be ok? Will you understand if I never want to land, and no matter what the trees look like or how strong and safe the branches may seem to be, I will never touch down? Will you wait for me, when I get lost in the sky and distracted by finding too many shapes in the clouds? Will you pretend to see them too so I never have to be embarrassed for the way my silly mind works?

Will you hold me when I’m tired, and let me hold you when you are? Will you actually tell me? Will you wait for the sunrises and hold your breath when the last sliver of the sun dips below the mountain? Will you wait for the blink and you will miss it moment where if you look hard enough you can see that last tiny explosion of light crawl across every space between here and there? Do you know the sunset will never look like that again? Do you know I waited a lifetime to see it look this way and I would wait a lifetime more to see it again if, and only if, I knew I would be standing next to you?’

No one knew how romantic he was, except for her and that’s all that mattered. Right after he sent the text message, he followed it with a:

“love me? Xx”

“Always.”