Skinny Love

“Babe, she’s ready to go,” Zayn spoke firmly to Jessica as she dodged his eyes. After four and a half years of being piped with needles and drugs, the journey had come to an end. The nights of crying from the agonizing pain and the loss of friends due to hospital visits. All she had in her was her faith that no matter what, she would be okay. The biggest journey was for her mother. How could she ever lose her sweet baby girl?

“I can’t let her go, yet.”

“Look at how much pain she’s in, babe. We can’t be selfish, yeah?”

Jessica placed her hand on the glass window that separated her from her child. She let the tears fall on her sweater as she saw her ill daughter. It was as if she became a test animal for the doctors. She had no hair, her veins were visible in her paled olive skin, her eyes were dark and hidden. Her cheeks were puffy from the steroids they gave her. The scars that surrounded her body showed all of the surgeries. All of those times held her down in the operation room, due to frantic tears. All of those bone marrow transplants. All of those days in chemotherapy. Landon slept right next to her on her bed. He was about to lose his sister, his best friend, the one he’d known since birth. They were about to lose their daughter. They were about to lose a fighter.

“Zayn. Why is this so much harder for me than it is for her?”

“I know it hurts, baby. She’s holding on for you. We need to let her go.”

“She’s my baby girl, though.”

“She’s been in so much pain for over four years. It’s time.”

“I know, babe.”

She looked at her daughter attached to tubes and with her shirt slightly lifted as Harry sang them to sleep. His tears were visible as he studied the Malik’s little girl. The scar just above her right hip was almost identical to Zayn’s. Even Harry felt the pain that was fused within her, he’d take it away in an instant if he could. However, he was just Harry Styles. A retired boy band member and an uncle to the child. He couldn’t remove the pain, but he could show his remorse. He had to show that he cared, because in his heart he was just as helpless as she was. But he had a different kind of struggle, he had to witness the death of a child. A child he tokened to his family after her birth. No matter the blood or genes, she was his niece and he needed her there as much as her parents.

“Jess,” Zayn began,” look at me.”

She turned her body around slowly, not wanting to miss any of the last minutes of her eight year old daughter’s life. She wanted to be there to the very last second; the last breath.

“Let’s take her to Hawaii. Let her go in peace.”

“But the plane ride, Zayn. Isn’t that a little too dangerous?”

“We’re taking the kids.” Jessica was clearly razzled by his abrupt tone.

“Malik, she needs treatment.” Now was her time for a stance.

“This isn’t the time to argue about this,” his voice going up a little before looking around at the worried hospital attendees.”I’m taking my kids and that’s final. I won’t have her die in a hospital with people poking at her like she’s an animal every five seconds.”

“Zayn…”

“No, you listen to me. I love my children more than you give me credit for. I’ve let you make the decisions for her, but now it’s my turn. She’s going to leave the way she wants to. I love those kids in a way I’ve never loved anyone or anything. Can’t you see that this is killing me too?” She couldn’t even take in the words of his speech. Every word filled her body with fury and she had a lot to say as well.

“I carried the both of them for 32 weeks. All the pain that I went through just to get them here and now I have to give one of them up. Do you have any idea how much I’m dying to know that Landon is about to lose his sister and his best friend? It’s killing me to know that no amount of our money is going to save our little girl. No matter what we do, she is going to die and I’m going to have to bury my precious little girl. I’m going to have know every day for the rest of my life that I used to have a little girl. Landon used to have a twin sister. And we used to be parents to two kids. I can’t live with that.”

“Jess…”

“I’ll be back later.”

She turned on her violet Louboutin’s and grabbed her Hermes Birkin bag. The tears moved freely about her face and she got her keys out swiftly. She rode the elevator down as the thoughts roamed her mind. Jessica ran to the car and cried. She cried until she didn’t feel like she could cry anymore.

Meanwhile, Zayn moved into the room with Harry.

“What was that all about?” Harry asked, intent on solving the issue.

“She’s having a hard time about this.”

“I can’t imagine what this is like for you guys.” Harry was in a daze of his own. What if that happened to his children? But he couldn’t wish that on his own, he couldn’t wish that on anyone.

Landon woke up at the sound of his father’s voice.

“Daddy, where’s Mama?” His voice filled with curiosity.

“She uh… stepped out for a bit. She’ll be back soon.”

Landon got out of bed and walked over to his father. Those two had a bond that no one understood. The way that both of their minds worked was so unlike anyone, but exactly the same to each other.

“Can you make sure she’s okay?” That boy was wise beyond his years.

Zayn nodded his head and ran his fingers through his son’s hair.

“Of course.”

He stood up and walked out of the room. He knew that she wouldn’t have left, she wouldn’t leave Isabella. He saw her get out her car keys, which meant that she was either sitting in it or at the coffee shop across the street. Zayn needed her to understand and he knew that she just needed time. When they would lose their daughter, he would be there for her. He knew that no matter how much he was dying inside that he needed to be the shoulder that she leaned on.

Once Zayn reached to bottom floor, she walked out to the parking garage. He saw her in the car wiping her eyes as she looked at her BlackBerry. He knew that she was either checking her makeup or texting Matthew.

He mounted into their Range Rover and she looked up at him.

The spoke at the same time, “I’m sorry.”

“Jessie, I’m sorry I was so harsh.”

“No, I completely understand. You’re right. I don’t give you nearly as much credit as you deserve with your children. You’re the best father anyone could ask for. It want her to be happy right now and I know that she isn’t in the hospital. They can’t do anything else for her. I called the doctor while I was in here and she’s safe to fly. We just have to keep her medicine with us and have her shots done on the flight. I have everything booked. The flight is early tomorrow morning. Jeremiah is packing bags with Matthew as we speak,” she cracked a small smile and Zayn stared at her.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I forgot what your smile looked like,” he spoke honestly.

“I don’t always have a reason to smile much, anymore,” she played with her fingers and looked down.

“I feel like I’m disappointing you all the time.”

Jessica looked up into his eyes.

“No. You’re not I promise. I just don’t know how to deal with this.”

“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Jessica.”

“I love you so much, Zayn.”

“Promise me that we’ll always be together.”

“I don’t think anyone could even compare to you, Malik.”

***

After checking their daughter out of what came to be their second home, they met up with Matthew and Jeremiah at the airport. The couple spent their time with Isabella, knowing it was their last. She hugged the men that made sure her hospital experiences were bearable by giving her nice clothes and her favorite movies; sneaking her a chocolate or two against her parents’ will. Although, Jessica would see the evidence in the morning, she didn’t mind. It was a special bond that she greatly appreciated.

The sixteen hour flight was well worth the smile on her face when she was greeted with a lei and hula dancers. It didn’t matter that she was a young cancer patient or the fact that she got there because of a fight that her parents had. The majority of those people saw her and felt sympathy for her only to be taking their life for granted a couple days later. She was an angel in everyone’s eyes that spoke to her.

Only the good die young.

It was just understanding of why it had to be their daughter. They were in the process of grieving a little girl that was still in their presence, but it would be soon that the world knew about it. Nothing was private. As soon as she left, it would be a constant reminder in every magazine just as it was the week she was diagnosed.

They laid on the beach as she splashed in the water with her little straw fedora. Zayn held Jessica close to him as they watched their children play about and make sand castles. Landon was a smart boy, he knew what was happening to his sister. He made the most of every moment with her. He had a camera that he carried with him everywhere. It was filled with every memory that he shared over the last two years. He got a small underwater camera for their adventures in Hawaii. He and Isabella were capturing pictures of all the fish that they saw and Landon would be sure to look them up with his father when they got home. He liked to know everything and he liked to make sense of everything.

Towards the end of the night, the hotel staff made them all a bonfire and it was a beautiful experience. They had Belle’s favorite, s’mores.The boys went inside and Jessica stayed outside with Isabella. They got into a hammock and Bella stuck a white flower that she picked in her mother’s hair. She smiled up at her mother with so much love in her heart.

Jessica picked two more flowers beside her and put them in Isabella’s palms. Jess enclosed her hands on top of her little girl’s.

“Mommy, you’re so beautiful.”

“So are you, Bella.”

Jessica sang a Hawaiian lullaby to her daughter. He voice was so pure and the wind carried it over.

Aloha ‘oe, aloha ‘oe
Until we meet again

They opened their hands and the white flowers danced in the dark, night sky.

Jessica kissed her daughter’s bald head for the last time. They went back inside and the family of four slept together in a king sized bed. They watched her favorite movie, which she and her mother shared, ‘Funny Girl.’

They all watched Barbra sing her closing number and Zayn looked over to his daughter drifting off to sleep and kissed her goodnight.

That night, Isabella Aaliyah Malik took her last breath.