Skinny Love

She sat on the couch, legs bent and hands around them, and staring her empty TV screen. He’d just shown up. A simple commercial, thirty seconds long, and it stopped her mid movement as she was arranging her things. She had stopped to watch the screen, in a trance at the man dancing carefree, and carelessly and perfect, and as soon as it ended she stayed there, stone still, eyes in a daze and an empty hollow in her heart.

Zayn.

A month now. A month since she left from his life. Since it ended, with the one person who she’d thought would change it all, who would be her forever. One month. Thirty days. Seven hundred and twenty three hours.

It felt like it was just yesterday.

Stephanie and Madison were great about it, ever since that day when she’d arrived home. They tried their hardest to keep her occupied, trying not to let her think about it too much, spending time with her whenever she was free, but they saw it too…The hollow look in her gaze, the weak smiles. The ghost stares. It worried them seeing her this way. They knew that she wasn’t alright, no matter how much she tried to convince them it was the truth. But what could they do? Stephanie had tried her hardest to assure her that it was the right thing. That Zayn was just another superstar who didn’t care about anyone but himself. She’d never be able to change him. That’s how they all were. It was good that she let go. She was doing them both a favor in pulling the plug. She would find better. And Jessie knew that she was right.

She’d find better.

…He was better.

He was the best.

She sat there, and the vision of him in her mind appeared again. She blinked the image away and stood up from her seat, grabbing her shawl from the couch and leaving the room. He’d left her for a reason. She had to forget about him now. He had to keep her thoughts away. She had to take him out of her mind.

***
Zayn sat in the room, hearing Kevin speaking and not hearing a word that he said. Periodically Paul Higgins leaned over to tap his arm, and he turned to assure him that he was okay. He turned back to listen to Kevin, and in seconds his mind drifted off again. Had she seen the commercial? Was she thinking about him?

Evvy had told them that it had released today. 1.2 million views already. Everyone and their parents were watching it. Everybody.

….Was she?

What was she doing right now? She had to be working. She was probably with her models, Fashion Week was coming up soon. Her shift was right around this time. He thought of the friends that he met under her work, how much he missed them, and how much he wanted to pay another visit there. But he knew that if he did he would inevitably see the one person who he couldn’t. The person whose heart he broke. He couldn’t see her again. He didn’t want to. She let him walk away, she didn’t even chase after him when he left. Maybe he gave her the release she wanted. Well then fine. She wanted to leave, well, then go. He wouldn’t stop her.

He didn’t stop her.

Yet he wondered if he’d made a mistake.

****
“Hey Jess.”

“Hey Olivia,” Jessica sat behind the desk at the McQueen fashion house, taking out her folders and pulling in her chair. “How’s Leo doing?”

“Great, thank you so much for planning the wedding with everything you’re going through.” she smiled and nodded, grateful for that.

It was clear that she wasn’t going to hear the end of this break up for a while.

Jessica’s eyes turned and caught the small photo taped on the opposite side of her, a photo of the fashion family plus one more. She stared at his dark eyes, quaffed hair and bright smile as his arm was secure around her, and held him back beaming as if she’d never let go. She had found herself lost in the daze staring at the picture until she snapped back in that same minute and turned up to Olivia, seemingly not having caught a thing.

“—-The décor was fabulous and the gown, thank you—“

“You really enjoyed it?” She licked her lips breathlessly and feigned an attentive stare.

“Yeah and it was truly more than I could have dreamed for.”

“Everyone deserves to marry the man they love,” she nodded. “And that’s all?”

“Definitely” she smiled. “Alright, I’m off. Keep me updated on how things are going for the haute couture show. I’ll see you again tonight.”

“You’re coming back?” she paused.

“Yup, I have to finish detailing on the final dress.”

“Ok. See you later,” she waved.

Olivia packed her Prada bag up and left smiling at her. As she walked away the sight of Jess’ wandering and dazed eyes stayed in her mind. She’d seen the way that she looked at that photo. How hollow she became. Ever since her and Zayn’s separating, Jessica had become so different. Everyone in the house could see. She was never the same, not since. But then again they all knew what she had been involved with. They all saw the reason for the shining light once in her eyes before…they saw it up close for themselves. She didn’t know how anyone could recover from something like that, from someone like him….But she sure hoped that she could. She hoped it would be soon. Poor girl.

Jessica went down to organizing her list of buyers and writing down her own notes from the Cards, and as she went on she stilled, holding her pen and glancing up at the photo again. Everyone’s smiles were so bright. Hers was the biggest. She looked back to the squinting eyes of his next to her and her fingers tensed, and quickly she turned her eyes away, writing back down into her paper. She held the emotions inside, pushed them down before they could bubble up again. What’s done was done. It was over now. They both moved on.

She picked up her folders and left.

****

“Look out Zayn!”

“Is Harry behind me??”

He ducked just in time to watch a water balloon fly right by his head. Thank God he’d been quick, or he surely would have had one straight to the face.

“Nooooo!” Omar shouted out, running after him. Zayn jumped back grinning and running away as Harry skidded after them. Niall was close onto their tails.

“Uncle Zayn,” he tugged on his shirt, looking up into the distance that was Zayn’s height. Zayn paused in his space.

“Can we watch Pinocchio?”

“We just watched the Lion King,” Zayn told him.

“But I want to watch Pinocchio now,” he frowned.

“Not right now,” Zayn said, trying not to be a bad uncle to Doniya’s son. “We’ll watch it later.”

“Where’s Jessica?” Louis’ sad voice drawled, and Zayn froze.

“She’ll watch it with me,” he whimpered.

He knew that this time would come. He just had hoped it would take much longer than this. He sighed out and moved forward, kneeling on the ground to hold Omar’s waist as he looked eye to eye with his Uncle.

“Jess….Jessica doesn’t live here anymore,” he said softly.

Omar frowned at him. He didn’t understand. Zayn fought back another heavy sigh as he continued. “Sometimes, sometimes things get complicated with grownups. Jessica couldn’t stay here anymore.”

“Where is she?” Omar frowned, wanting to know why Jessica wasn’t home with Uncle Zayn, where she belonged.

“She has her own house. She lives there,” he hummed. It’s where she’d rather be.

“Is she coming back?” he asked.

Zayn clenched his jaw tightly, seeing her dark and heavy eyes as she took the last of her bags and walked away.

“No,” he said quietly. “No she’s not coming back.”

“Not even to play with us?” his shocked eyes widened in horror not accepting that she was gone. “Can you call her?”

“I—-” Zayn was lost for words. What could he say?

Niall and Harry ran over, huffing with the fresh balloons in their hands.

“Why aren’t you guys playing anymore?”

“Yeah!” Harry shouted. “What happened?”

Omar turned to them with his sad face, and Zayn intervened just in time before he could share the bad news with them. It was hard enough explaining a break-up it to a young six year old, try the difficulty explaining it to two older boys. He wasn’t sure he could handle the questions that he knew would be asked by them.

“Hey guys, let’s go to the movie theater,” he offered.

“Huh?”

“We already went there!”

“I know, but I have an idea. I can make us s’mores to eat while we’re watching. Would you guys like that? S’mores and more candy?” He raised two brows.

“Yeah!” Everyone cheered, and Omar brightened up as his wish would be granted.

“Can we watch Pinocchio?”

“Yes,” Zayn smiled. “We can watch Pinocchio.”

His face lifted at once as he cheered, and Zayn stretched back up on his legs grinning, turning the boys and leading them off to find the golf cart for them to drive back.

And of course thoughts of her stayed in the back of his mind.

***
She got home and dropped her bag onto the couch yanking her hair from his horsetail and pulling off her shirt. She reached towards the back of her bra and unclasped in one move, not wasting anytime and she moved straight to the bathroom, where she peeled it off and went to her pants. By the time she was bare from head to toe, the hot water to the tub was already running, and she had climbed in quick, putting away all the work from today and ready to relax. She sighed out and closed her eyes, inhaling again and letting it out another time, completely relaxing into the mist.

Today had gone better than she planned. Had gone by quicker too, thanks to the girls sewing efficiently with just a little of her bickering. She was grateful that they were occupied that way, and not by the television news that seemed intent on reporting Zayn today, along with all of his appearances.

She held the emotions at bay, the ones she knew always surfaced at even the thought of his name. The pang that she used to have just hearing about him was replaced with a sharp knife, that made her lose her breath and feel excruciating pain at the same time. She couldn’t hear about him without reliving all of the pain of that day. The day that brought them to this.

She wondered for a moment how he was doing. What he was doing. The last she heard was that he was going to a benefit. One that he asked her to escort him to long ago. She’d heard that he’d taken Safaa instead, which was fine. She wondered how Safaa was too. When they were together, it as if they had joint custody over Safaa. Jessica loved that girl dearly. Did she ever think of her? Wonder what happened? Had Zayn told her already? She was sure that he did. If Zayn had never told her anything then he was sure to tell Safaa. Part of her suddenly wished that she’d had the chance to speak to her. Before it was too late. Before any of this could happen.

Wait. What was she talking about? He’d ended this. He’d ended it when he showed her that his world had no need for her in it. When he showed her that his work was more important. He was the one who’d cut the cord. The final months, the fights and how bad that they’d gotten. So far from the tender whispers that they’d share, the close embraces, the sweet nothings. It become a fury, a tornado that had reached its zenith, that couldn’t be stopped, even when she’d begged him to.

*
“Zayn wait. Why can’t you stay? Just stay five more minutes!” She grabbed his arm just as he headed to the door.

“Would it kill you to give an hour of your time to spend with your girlfriend? What am I, another fan lying around for you? I don’t matter?” She glared at him.

“Jess I need to go to the studio. I wanna work on something,” he stood, his limp arm still in her hand.

“You’ve been working on things for three days. I took a day off because you said you’d spend time with me.”

“I have been,” he nodded.

“No,” she shook her head. “That wasn’t time. That was a meal. You spent lunch with me. I want solid time with you, Zayn. I do live here too. What—cause you know I’m always around you don’t have to bother?” She glared stepping back.

“I hate when you do that,” he bit at her. “You make me feel guilty for working. This is who I am. This is what I do. I’m doing this for my fans.”

“Oh…so your fans matter, but not me,” she said low.

He sighed exasperatingly, “That’s not what I meant…You know what,” he shook his head raising a hand. “Jessica I’m not having this conversation. We always have this conversation and I’m not having it again.” He turned on his heels to head back out of the room, and was stopped at the doorway right as he heard her shrill voice.

“Zayn Javadd Malik, you walk away from me one more time and I will leave your sorry ass at that doorframe!”

He stopped in place, eyes looking over to the left of him. With a clenched jaw he took another step forward and walked ahead.

He could hear her small stomps after him, cutting off his steps as she crossed over and stood in his path.

He looked down at her and her blazing eyes.

“Fuck you,” she gritted. “Fuck you. You think you’re the only one with fans? You think you’re the only one with people who want you?! Do you know how many guys try to talk to me every day? Who I turn down constantly cause I’m with you? All those guys would kill to give me the all the time in the world,” she said it to strengthen her, and show Zayn that she wasn’t just any other girl. She was an attractive girl who WAS wanted by others. Others who would give her attention.

“Any one of them would kill to spend time with me,” she went on. “So take your pick.”

“Sounds great,” he nodded bitterly. “Call one of them up.”

He stepped aside as she stood in stunned expression of her efforts not having worked. As he walked farther away.

“Why do you always do this to me? You spent two weeks just trying to convince me to go on a fucking date with you! Am I just some toy to you? Now that you have me, I don’t matter?”

“I can’t deal with this right now. You know how Preston feels about us. He makes the hours and I have to go just so I can keep you!”

“Are you really that much of his bitch dog to not tell him ‘no’?” By that point, he knew what was happening. Preston booked the boys to the point of them not being able to spend time together. He was doing everything in his power to separate the two and by the looks of it, Zayn knew it was working.

“Zayn, I think it’s time for you to leave and please don’t come back if you know that it won’t change.”

He was furious at that point. She was supposed to be by his side, she was supposed to understand. It wasn’t under his control. Why was she giving up on him?

Jessica was dying in the inside. This man was her everything and he didn’t fight for her. He was under Preston’s control and she stood by his side while. Out of the week that he spent at her apartment, she probably only saw him for 24 hours. Why couldn’t he just tell Preston no?

“Jess, I’m doing everything I can to change his opinion, but I can’t. I don’t want to leave you, I swear. I just have to do this.”

“Zayn, just go.” Tears were streaming down both of their faces and they knew; this was the end.

Just before he left, he cornered her and whispered,” If two people are meant to find each other, they will. No matter what.”