I'll Be The Brightest Someday

Vic's P.O.V

Me and Mike staying at Kellin's? This is going to be really weird at first, hell, maybe the whole time. Kellin has been making it obvious he cares a lot about me. Maybe I should give him a chance... I definitely like him and I definitely can't hide those feelings much longer since I'm going to be around him all the time. I don't know what it is about him that makes me get butterflies in my stomach when I'm around him or what it is about him that makes me have feelings for him after all these fucked up years of hating him. He's so serious about keeping me safe. But how is he going to keep me safe from pain at school if he's part of the group that cause me the pain?
Everything's just so sudden to me. It's not sudden to him apparently, considering he's supposedly felt this way for a while now. I don't actually hate him like he and I both thought I did. God, I'm so stupid. I'll never be good enough for him. I could never compare to someone so adorable and perfect. He's so sweet, caring, cute, outgoing, and amazing. But no, I'm none of those things. I'm the exact opposite of all those things and more. Gross, stupid, annoying, ugly, shy, and quiet. No one would or could ever want me or need me in their life, so what am I waiting for?

Kellin's P.O.V

Vic seemed pretty shocked at my offer at first and I was afraid he was going to turn it down but then again I wouldn't let him go back to his father's, not yet anyway. He almost seemed scared but I guess I can't blame him in the position that mine and Vic's... Well I wouldn't say relationship or friendship... whatever. Me and Vic haven't been on good terms for the past 3 years so for him to be staying with me for a while is pretty shocking. There's only one thing I didn't really think about, well two things technically... Jack and Gabe.
What am I going to do about Jack and Gabe when Me and Vic go back to school? I can't let them hurt Vic anymore. He wouldn't trust me, it'd kill me to see him in pain, and he'd probably never give me a chance. I don't know what to do. Jack and Gabe definitely can't come over when Vic is here, obviously. They can't find out I'm hanging out with Vic. They'll kill me. They'll kill Vic. They can't find out I'm gay either. Poor Vic, I'm sitting here thinking about how scary it would be it'd be for them to torture me for all these things when they do it to Vic everyday. I'm a horrible person. I wish I could just make Vic's pain and problems all go away. I just want him to trust me. He knows I care about him. I can tell by the way he acted when he woke up and I was still here at the hospital with him and never left. I'm so scared that he's not going to believe me or trust me... or worse. What he listens to Gabe and really does kill himself? These same thoughts run on replay through my head all the time and it's terrifying. I looked up from the floor to look at Vic, he looked really upset even though I wasn't sure. He must've had some horrible thoughts going on in his head because I could see his face twist in pain, then back to being etched in sadness, then to his lip quivering. It was obvious he was fighting back a lot of tears, though I'm not sure what for. Those tears were just daring to spill over and pour out of his eyes if one more horrid thought crossed his mind.
Then right then in that moment, I knew he'd thought of something terrible because there they went, rolling down his cheeks like he was nothing but air. He tried to hide his face from me so I wouldn't notice even though I already had. He was so fragile. I grabbed his hand and held it in mine and squeezed it lightly letting him know I'm here for him and that it's okay to cry. He knew that'd I'd noticed then because he looked me straight in the eyes, tears still forming in his eyes and falling down his cheeks.

Vic's P.O.V

I was trying so hard no to cry at all the harsh thoughts because if I did I knew I would look pathetic in front of Kellin and then he'd never want me. I was laying there in the hospital bed with this adorable boy sitting in a chair next to me, as the tears started to threaten to fall any moment and I couldn't help it. The silence in the room left so much empty space for my thoughts to run wild and cloud everything good in my life. They were filling all the empty space and silence in the room, suffocating me and screaming in my face.
Just do it, Vic. No one is coming to save you from yourself. You're so stupid to actually think someone would want to waste their time on you. You should listen to Gabe. Kill yourself, Vic. Get out of this hospital and go to the park. Step over the bridge barrier and jump. It's as simple as that. You're not worth anything. Your fat ass doesn't deserve to take up all the space you've wasted. Jump. Jump. Jump. It's that simple. It'll all be done and better for everyone. You won't have to be pathetic anymore. Kellin won't have to look at your pathetic ass. You'll be gone and he'll be fine. He's better off without you here to ruin him. Just leave this world Vic. You have no purpose. Your life is pointless because you're an ugly, worthless, disgusting, piece of shit. Just leave. Go. Jump. Die.
There they went. The tears fell freely as I thought about my future suicide attempt. The voices were right, I should do it. Kellin's life would be a lot easier. Only three people would miss me, Jaime, Tony, and Mikey. I bet I wasn't worth anything to them either. Just someone to have around when they had no one else to talk to. They'd have a better life with me gone. It was done now. I was set on it by now. I'm going to do it. I'm going to jump off that bridge. I just had to set a date and time. Or I could just do it whenever I felt like it.
The tears just kept coming endlessly, I had let all my walls down that were holding back the flood that was running down my face. They spilled over continuously and I turned my face away from Kellin, who was staring down at his shoes. I hope he doesn't notice my eyes letting sad wet tears fall endlessly. I'm such a sad waste of space.
Here come the voices again...
He doesn't want you, you'll never be good enough for him, Vic. Why are you still here?
That's the same question I'd been asking myself for a while now. Why was I still here? What did I have to live for? Nothing. That's what. So why am I still here?
Well I honestly have no fucking clue. But I won't have to ask myself that question anymore.
From the corner of my eye I saw Kellin look up at me.
Shit. I hope he didn't notice...
My hopes weren't answered, I knew he'd noticed because he took my hand and held it in his and squeezed it reassuringly to tell me he was still here and that he could help me if I needed it. Why wasn't he leaving? Everyone else leaves me, especially when I break down, but why wasn't Kellin? I looked at him with confusion written all over my face, not trying to hide my tears anymore since he already saw how hopeless and useless I was. He stared back into my eyes and smiled a small smile.
"I'm not leaving you, Vic. Ever. Let the bad thoughts go away because I'm here now, and I plan on staying."
I gave him a forced half smile and he rubbed his thumb in circles on top of my hand to relax me and somehow it was working. He was making my heart flutter under his touch and the butterflies in my stomach go crazy. I don't know why but a part of me wanted to trust him and let him hold me and love me. I wanted to be with him but another part of me told me not to because it wasn't safe but I was hardly listening to that part of me. I was falling for Kellin hard within days and I don't know how to slow these feelings down before I run myself face first into the ground from tripping over my own clumsy feet.
"Are you ready to go home?" He had hopeful eyes trained on mine.
"Uh, yeah, I guess so."
"Okay, when I went home to take a shower I brought back some clothes for you so you didn't have to wear the bloody ones you came here in. Here," He handed me a You Me At Six shirt and a pair of black skinny jeans and I walked into the bathroom in the hospital room and changed into the clothes Kellin gave me. They smelled like him, making me inhale the scent never wanting it to disappear.
When I walked out Kellin was staring at me, looking me up and down, with a big smile on his face which made me look down at the floor and mutter an awkward thanks under my breath. Somehow he heard me and said you're welcome in a cheery voice in return and stood up.
"Are you ready to go now?"
"Yeah, let me just get my shoes on," I walked to the other side of the hospital bed and slipped my Vans on. Kellin signed a few papers to discharge me from the hospital. We started walking toward the exit doors to go to the parking garage across the lot and when we stepped out the doors I shivered a little bit because it was still early morning and a little chilly outside. Kellin must've noticed because seconds later he was slipping off his hoodie and handing it to me with a cute smile across his face.
"Here, where my hoodie until we get home."
"Thanks Kells," that nickname accidentally slipped out without thought and I felt awkward because I didn't know if he'd get mad at me for calling him that if he didn't like it or something. But I assumed I was wrong and he liked it a lot because he was blushing. His face went from pale white to bright red within seconds.