Babette's Story

About 2 in a half months had passed since my nightmare had come true. There was a service held for Cricket Pate. Jack isolated himself from everyone- I mean who could blame him? Things with me and Forrest was still slightly strained. I had built up a wall to keep him and even my family some distance away. Bertha would stop by for a quick visit to see Jack, but he was kind of shutting her out as well. There was a lot of healing that needed to be done.

To me, I think that my healing lied in the life growing inside of me. I saw to it that I took care of myself. He or she was the only one who had my full attention and love. I didn't mean to push anyone away especially Forrest, but in my head all I could think about was how could he stand to look at me? How could he be so close and not be disgusted by me?

I took one of my regular walks and found myself seated by the lake behind the station. It's where I came to think and try to let go. So here I sat watching the ripples in the water lost in my thoughts, that I didn't hear the person coming up behind me.

"They told me I would find ya out here." My head snapped in the direction of the voice in a slight panic. A wave of relief as my eyes found those of my older brother. He rose his hands in surrender. "Didn't mean to startle ya. Just came to check on my baby sister." I turned back to the rippling lake with a quick glance down at my hands that were resting on my protruding belly. In another 2 months my bundle of joy would be welcomed into the world and hopefully a clean slate will be given to all of us. Richie took a seat on the grass beside me saying nothing for some time. Taking in the image in front of him. "Aunt Gillian is pretty worried 'bout cha, wanted one of us to see how you were doin'."

I remained silent not really sure how to reply to that. Neither one of us knew what to say. Before everything that happened we weren't exactly on speaking terms because of my pregnancy, then the fallout from the stills aftermath certainly didn't help. "Ya know, I really came here to see how you were holdin' up." He scoffed. For a brief moment we held each other's eyes and in that moment I noticed that his eyes were glassy. He wiped under his nose with the back of his hand before looking out to the lake again. "We're all hurtin' here Baps." His voice cracked. "This ain't been easy on any of us..... But shuttin' us all out ain't helpin' either of us."

I could feel that he was upset but I couldn't help but feel angry that he was mad at me for being isolated. Were they hoping for me to just forget what happened and live life as if it were all just sunshine and daisies? Mentally, physically, and emotionally I was scarred probably for the rest of my life. "I just don't feel like talking, Richie." I spoke with no emotion.

He stared at me, almost in disbelief. "God dammit Baps! Almost three months have gone by now. You won't come out your room unless your forced. Everybody's worried 'bout ya. You got us all walkin' on eggshells here cuz we don't know what to expect from ya. None of us know how to go about this if you not communicatin' with us."

I glared at him through glassy eyes. "What you all seem to forget is that it happened to me!" I spat through gritted teeth. "Not you, not pop, Eli or Forrest!! Neither of you know what I'm goin' through- what goes through my head, or the images that are always there in my mind. All you do is try and push me to talk, and I don't walk to. Talkin' about it brings it into reality and hearin' those words coming from my mouth makes it that much more realer to me." My voice was thick and tears were streaming done my face. Standing up abruptly I dusted myself off and stormed off towards the diner. Barging into the diner with my brother right behind me, all eyes landed on me. A hand resting underneath my belly to relieve some of the pressure I was feeling. Forrest reached for me, but raising my hand for him to keep his distance he froze in place. A wave of fresh new tears spilling over. My emotions were over powering my will to keep them at bay.

"Babette, you alright?" Forrest asked carefully. I didn't want anyone's sympathy or pity. I know that Forrest is just worried, but I don't want to keep feeling like a victim every time I'm in their presence.

"I look alright to you, Forrest?" I asked hoarsely. Everyone took cautious glances at each other and then turned back to me. In that moment I felt like a wild animal nobody knew how to handle. "Don't stare at me like that!" I yelled angrily. Everyone's eyes grew wide in shock at my outburst.

"Hey Baps, take it easy alright? We're just concerned 'bout ya that's all." Richie's voice came from behind me.

"I don't need any of your god damn concern! What I need is for all of you to stop treatin' me as if I'm made of fucking glass! I know that you're tryin' to help me get through this, but your only making it worst. Ya treat me different, ya act like at any moment I'm gonna lose my damn mind."

"We don't know-" Was all my brother could get out before I cut him off. I turned to face him.

"That's right you don't know! Neither of you know what it's like for me. In less than two months my baby will be brought into this world unaware and oblivious to the evil around it. What I need from everyone is to give me space, and to stop hoverin'. Let me come to you. Let me learn to heal myself in my own way." I sobbed. "I had something done to me that no one should ever have done to them. I saw things... That I wish I didn't see. Things that I-I-I shouldn't have to witness again in my life." The looks on everyone's faces turned to confused, everyone except Richie and Forrest who knew what I was talking about. Richie stared at the ground unable to look at me- no doubt being brought back to that horrific day when we lost our little brother. Forrest' eyes held a mix of worry, sadness, helplessness, all wrapped into one.

I couldn't be in this room anymore with everyone's eyes fixated on me. I walked away from everyone and towards the stairs. Richie looked as though he wanted to stop me but thought better of it. No one said a thing as I made my way up the stairs to my room. Once inside the room I walked over to the window placing both hands on the windowsill, and inhaled and exhaled deeply. Calming myself somewhat. I stared absentmindedly at the sky letting my mind drift from my emotional state. I don't know when Forrest came into our room. I was so lost in my own thoughts I didn't realize anyone had entered the room until I felt Forrest' arms wrap around me from behind. It was then that I realized how much I missed his touch, how safe he made me feel. I shut my eyes leaning my head back to rest against his broad chest. We didn't speak. I guess there was nothing that needed to be said, or maybe neither of us wanted to ruin this moment.

Opening my eyes slowly I stared back up at the sky differently. I may not be able to change my past and the bad things that happened, but I could make a better place for my child, if only I would let my family comfort me. It's easier for me to think that than actually say it or let it happen. I feel like the porcelain doll my brothers made me out to be, only, I was shattered this time. I think I'm more afraid to admit that I am as fragile as they thought.

I turned to face Forrest, staring into those eyes I fell in love with- with the intent to say what was on my mind. I couldn't find my voice, and he didn't push me to speak he just waited patiently. My eyes began to water in frustration that I couldn't get my words out. Forrest grabbed both sides of my face in his hands gently, gazing at me intensely. As if he were reading my mind and he knew everything I wanted to say so desperately. I could feel myself on the brink of breaking down. He pulled me in placing a kiss on my forehead and I lost the little control I had on my bottled up emotions. I buried my face in his chest. He wrapped his strong arms around me resting his chin on my head.

"I know..... I know." Forrest soothed. "It's gonna be alright darlin'." I cried uncontrollably into the arms of the person I felt safest with. Forrest always could read me and I was grateful in that moment that I didn't have to say a thing for him to understand and know everything I couldn't say out loud.