Status: c'est fini
Heart & Soul
who am i to keep you down
Nessa never comprehended the idea of being the bigger person. She was little. She wanted to be fawned over. Coddled. Cosseted.
She never apologized or took the blame. Whenever they reconciled over a fight Gavin always apologized. She would nod her head and listen to him.
Gavin acted too rashly. He wasn't thinking. It was always his fault. He would pace in front of her, speaking calmly. He would kiss her forehead and say it was okay. She would nod and they would be happy.
Nessa was a saint. She never did any harm. Not with her words. Not with her actions. Not with her selfish attitude. Nessa would just listen to Gavin apologize and take back every word. Sitting back and judging.
But she knew the apologize weren’t genuine.
Gavin wasn't happy.
She wasn't happy.
No one was happy.
But she woke up the next day, cuddled up to Gavin's warm chest. She stared at his face. Pale skin covering his brown eyes. Thin lips set in a permanent frown. Freckles dusting over his nose and cheeks. High cheekbones. That was her Gavin. Sleeping. Dreaming. Hoping.
It was futile. Everything. The apologies and the reconciliations. They would break up and get back together. Pointless and time consuming.
Nessa could have had a different life. She could have studied. Graduated, made a life for herself. But teenage rebellion forced her away from her parents. Marina and William who told her if she left then she wouldn’t come back. She never listened.
Nessa always said she wanted to be free. She didn't want to be tied down to any location. Wanderlust, she went all over. Los Angeles. Chicago. Boston. New York. She ended up in Seattle, like Gavin had wanted.
Maybe it was the security. Gavin would only move on the west coast. He wanted to be close to home. Unlike her he didn't like constantly moving. He liked the idea of home.
Nessa didn't, but she accepted the idea of moving in with Gavin to Seattle.
She packed her bags. Booked a plane ticket. Called her sister and moved to Seattle. Gavin came a month later. Nessa had always dreamed of moving on her own and she jumped at the first chance.
Seattle wasn't a horrible city. It was temperamental. It took some getting used to.
Everything takes time and time is what they had. They settled down. Found jobs. Worked nine to five. They created a routine. Monotony. Schedules. Tedious. Everything Nessa hated.
She was unhappy but she never did like telling anyone her feeling. ‘Don’t ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody.’ Speaking made everything real. She didn’t want her unhappiness to be real. She would have felt like a failure.
Truth is, Nessa needed someone at her side but it would make her seem all too childish. So she kept quiet and let it come out on nights where she would threaten Gavin with promises of never seeing him again.
She’d suppress all her anger, worries, sadness. She’d wait to drown them on countless drinks she’d receive and Gavin’s apologies. Nothing made her feel any better.
Why they kept this going she didn’t know.
She never apologized or took the blame. Whenever they reconciled over a fight Gavin always apologized. She would nod her head and listen to him.
Gavin acted too rashly. He wasn't thinking. It was always his fault. He would pace in front of her, speaking calmly. He would kiss her forehead and say it was okay. She would nod and they would be happy.
Nessa was a saint. She never did any harm. Not with her words. Not with her actions. Not with her selfish attitude. Nessa would just listen to Gavin apologize and take back every word. Sitting back and judging.
But she knew the apologize weren’t genuine.
Gavin wasn't happy.
She wasn't happy.
No one was happy.
But she woke up the next day, cuddled up to Gavin's warm chest. She stared at his face. Pale skin covering his brown eyes. Thin lips set in a permanent frown. Freckles dusting over his nose and cheeks. High cheekbones. That was her Gavin. Sleeping. Dreaming. Hoping.
It was futile. Everything. The apologies and the reconciliations. They would break up and get back together. Pointless and time consuming.
Nessa could have had a different life. She could have studied. Graduated, made a life for herself. But teenage rebellion forced her away from her parents. Marina and William who told her if she left then she wouldn’t come back. She never listened.
Nessa always said she wanted to be free. She didn't want to be tied down to any location. Wanderlust, she went all over. Los Angeles. Chicago. Boston. New York. She ended up in Seattle, like Gavin had wanted.
Maybe it was the security. Gavin would only move on the west coast. He wanted to be close to home. Unlike her he didn't like constantly moving. He liked the idea of home.
Nessa didn't, but she accepted the idea of moving in with Gavin to Seattle.
She packed her bags. Booked a plane ticket. Called her sister and moved to Seattle. Gavin came a month later. Nessa had always dreamed of moving on her own and she jumped at the first chance.
Seattle wasn't a horrible city. It was temperamental. It took some getting used to.
Everything takes time and time is what they had. They settled down. Found jobs. Worked nine to five. They created a routine. Monotony. Schedules. Tedious. Everything Nessa hated.
She was unhappy but she never did like telling anyone her feeling. ‘Don’t ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody.’ Speaking made everything real. She didn’t want her unhappiness to be real. She would have felt like a failure.
Truth is, Nessa needed someone at her side but it would make her seem all too childish. So she kept quiet and let it come out on nights where she would threaten Gavin with promises of never seeing him again.
She’d suppress all her anger, worries, sadness. She’d wait to drown them on countless drinks she’d receive and Gavin’s apologies. Nothing made her feel any better.
Why they kept this going she didn’t know.