Status: c'est fini
Heart & Soul
what's a love without some struggle
Gavin's lips were always chapped. He had the horrible habit of always having his bottom lip between his teeth and tearing off the thin film covering them. His mouth would swell and his lips would bleed.
Nessa hated it.
It would happen most whenever they would fight. He would start yelling at her over tiny things. How she had left the stove on while she was showering. She hadn't done the wash properly. She hadn't done something to his liking.
She would fight back. She would never sit still while he yelled.
but Gavin always gave up and that was what bothered Nessa the most. If Gavin was unhappy he should tell her. She didn't want a superficial reason.
Gavin wasn't angry about the dishes. The wash. The movies she rented. There was something else.
Nessa knew he wasn't happy and she blamed herself. Her temper. Her stubborness. Everything he claimed to love about her was what he really hated. She tried to change. She really did, but you can only give so much when the other person just takes.
When Gavin started yelling she wanted him to confess. To say he hated her. To leave her. To kick her out. To anything.
Anything to make it real. To cement everything. Then she would be able to leave.
But he never did. She would yell as he stayed seated. Clenching his fists. Knuckles going red. Teeth gnawing at his pale pink lips. He always wanted to say something but he was too tired.
Nessa was always afraid he would say something someday. Because as much as Nessa hated Gavin she loved him too.
So she yelled trying to find something to make the hate stronger than the love. Strong enough that she could leave and she could finally let him be happy. Because Nessa knew. She knew. She wouldn't bear it but she knew it.
She knew Gavin wasn't happy. Neither was she. She knew Gavin would only be happy if she wasn't with him. She knew it.
But neither spoke and so they kept it going. The arguments and the leaving.
When she was younger she was taught to count. Whenever she was angry she counted. Forwards. Backwards. Spanish. English. She always counted.
She'd close her eyes and she'd start counting. 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1.
When she'd open her eyes again Gavin would be in front of her. Close enough she could feel his breathe fanning over her face. His lips plump and swollen. Tiny dots of bright red on his pale lips.
And Nessa wanted to get closer. Always closer to Gavin.
She would tell him to get away but before she could finish the sentence his swollen lips were on hers.
Her mind racing and her heart thumping. She couldn't do anything but kiss him back. Love him. Muster up all her feelings.
Rough hands against soft skin. They got closer. Contorted together. Feeling each other. Her heart beat faster. He was under her skin. His hand held her close.
They didn't part until they were out breath. Still close.
Nessa was always there.
Nessa hated it.
It would happen most whenever they would fight. He would start yelling at her over tiny things. How she had left the stove on while she was showering. She hadn't done the wash properly. She hadn't done something to his liking.
She would fight back. She would never sit still while he yelled.
but Gavin always gave up and that was what bothered Nessa the most. If Gavin was unhappy he should tell her. She didn't want a superficial reason.
Gavin wasn't angry about the dishes. The wash. The movies she rented. There was something else.
Nessa knew he wasn't happy and she blamed herself. Her temper. Her stubborness. Everything he claimed to love about her was what he really hated. She tried to change. She really did, but you can only give so much when the other person just takes.
When Gavin started yelling she wanted him to confess. To say he hated her. To leave her. To kick her out. To anything.
Anything to make it real. To cement everything. Then she would be able to leave.
But he never did. She would yell as he stayed seated. Clenching his fists. Knuckles going red. Teeth gnawing at his pale pink lips. He always wanted to say something but he was too tired.
Nessa was always afraid he would say something someday. Because as much as Nessa hated Gavin she loved him too.
So she yelled trying to find something to make the hate stronger than the love. Strong enough that she could leave and she could finally let him be happy. Because Nessa knew. She knew. She wouldn't bear it but she knew it.
She knew Gavin wasn't happy. Neither was she. She knew Gavin would only be happy if she wasn't with him. She knew it.
But neither spoke and so they kept it going. The arguments and the leaving.
When she was younger she was taught to count. Whenever she was angry she counted. Forwards. Backwards. Spanish. English. She always counted.
She'd close her eyes and she'd start counting. 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1.
When she'd open her eyes again Gavin would be in front of her. Close enough she could feel his breathe fanning over her face. His lips plump and swollen. Tiny dots of bright red on his pale lips.
And Nessa wanted to get closer. Always closer to Gavin.
She would tell him to get away but before she could finish the sentence his swollen lips were on hers.
Her mind racing and her heart thumping. She couldn't do anything but kiss him back. Love him. Muster up all her feelings.
Rough hands against soft skin. They got closer. Contorted together. Feeling each other. Her heart beat faster. He was under her skin. His hand held her close.
They didn't part until they were out breath. Still close.
Nessa was always there.