Status: c'est fini
Heart & Soul
call me morbid, call me pale
Nessa's mouth was full of ghosts. Memories past. Words never spoken. Feelings never shared.
When Gavin had first said I love you to her she didn't reciprocate. She had her mouth was full of ghosts. There were too many. She had said they were heavy. Weighing her down. It was hard for her to speak.
And so it was like that for a few months. Nessa never opened to Gavin. It was Gavin saying the I love you's. Buying the flowers.
That was how Nessa never felt alone. All the ghosts, they were company. They were always weighing down her jaw and her words. That's how Nessa could deal with being alone.
Without Gavin.
That was what she told Claudia that night. She didn't cry at all. She just told her. About the ghosts. About the fight. About Gavin not loving her.
Nessa was strong. When she didn't want to cry she never did. After Gavin said he didn't love her she stopped. No use crying over spilled milk. If he didn't love her she had no one to blame but herself. And she was never to blame.
Love wasn't made for someone like Nessa. Sometimes she was sure it wasn't made for Gavin either.
Because when someone gives too much love isn't worth anything.
And when someone is weighed down by ghosts then the heart is too heavy to carry.
She didn't go out that night. No. That would have been too predictable. Gavin would be waiting for her. Nessa would leave with him. The next day he would yell about all the cocktails.
She wasn't ready for that. She wasn't ready for anything. She wasn't ready to see Gavin.
Apart of her did want to leave. To ultimately sleep wrapped up in the cocoon they would create. To whisper I love you in the dark.
And she almost did. She almost said it when she heard the familiar sequence of knocks on Claudia's door.
Her hand holding tightly the brass door knob. Gavin was on the other side. Wearing his leather jacket and a tank top. His hair in disarray. His eyes sad as he knocked.
But Nessa didn't open the door. She stood staring at him as he knocked and sighed before turning around and leaving. She slumped towards the door before she went to bed. Alone for the first time in years.
Lids heavy. Heart heavy. Jaw heavy.
When Gavin had first said I love you to her she didn't reciprocate. She had her mouth was full of ghosts. There were too many. She had said they were heavy. Weighing her down. It was hard for her to speak.
And so it was like that for a few months. Nessa never opened to Gavin. It was Gavin saying the I love you's. Buying the flowers.
That was how Nessa never felt alone. All the ghosts, they were company. They were always weighing down her jaw and her words. That's how Nessa could deal with being alone.
Without Gavin.
That was what she told Claudia that night. She didn't cry at all. She just told her. About the ghosts. About the fight. About Gavin not loving her.
Nessa was strong. When she didn't want to cry she never did. After Gavin said he didn't love her she stopped. No use crying over spilled milk. If he didn't love her she had no one to blame but herself. And she was never to blame.
Love wasn't made for someone like Nessa. Sometimes she was sure it wasn't made for Gavin either.
Because when someone gives too much love isn't worth anything.
And when someone is weighed down by ghosts then the heart is too heavy to carry.
She didn't go out that night. No. That would have been too predictable. Gavin would be waiting for her. Nessa would leave with him. The next day he would yell about all the cocktails.
She wasn't ready for that. She wasn't ready for anything. She wasn't ready to see Gavin.
Apart of her did want to leave. To ultimately sleep wrapped up in the cocoon they would create. To whisper I love you in the dark.
And she almost did. She almost said it when she heard the familiar sequence of knocks on Claudia's door.
Her hand holding tightly the brass door knob. Gavin was on the other side. Wearing his leather jacket and a tank top. His hair in disarray. His eyes sad as he knocked.
But Nessa didn't open the door. She stood staring at him as he knocked and sighed before turning around and leaving. She slumped towards the door before she went to bed. Alone for the first time in years.
Lids heavy. Heart heavy. Jaw heavy.