Fix You

His hair was slicked back with the from the sweat of a strenuous workout and his thighs and lower back ached from the high ante he was now pushing his body too now that the playoffs were over and the NHL season was slowly coming to and end. He held his phone in between the crook in his shoulder and his ear as he pulled his hat lower down over top his messy brown hair and tried to avoid hitting people with his enormous hockey bag, stuffed to the brim with all of his equipment.

“Mom, I promise you that I’ll be home for a couple of nights later on this summer,” He coughed into the receiver as the cold air from the arena was beginning to burn his lungs. On the other line his mom frowned and pursed her lips, careful about what she was going to say about his recent change of plans. “A lot of the guys are staying down here in Pittsburgh during the summer to workout together, this is a good opportunity before I go into my first full season with them.”

Truth be told, James was lying. He had no intentions of spending his summer working out with the guys. Most of them—less they were spending the summer in western Pennsylvania because of their families—were going back to their hometowns to workout with friends they had grown up playing hockey with, or on extravagant vacations to romantic places with their families. James wasn’t able to handle going back to Whitby and seeing all of his friends, just yet. And he didn’t have a family, at least one of his own that he had started.

The season had been more of a dud to him than everyone around him even realized. After being traded right before the trade deadline from the Dallas Stars to the Pittsburgh Penguins, he began to shrink in the spotlight of the City of Steel. The atmosphere wasn’t positive in the Pens locker room from the second he had walked into it. Talks swirled between the media, fans and even his teammates as to whether or not Sidney Crosby, the god of the league, would ever return to hockey, and if he didn’t, who would be there to take his leadership role on one of the most prolific hockey teams in the NHL. Along with the rumors, James fell into a deep scoring drought unable to attain a goal let alone a measly little assist.

Frustration began to turn up one morning after he had read an article in the Tribe that basically was paraphrased: “all Neal was brought in to do was create a distraction from injured stars Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin”. His anger was brought out into the evening’s game they had as he fought Steve Downie of the Tampa Bay Lightening shortly after puck drop. The fight was brutal and both men left the ice to get a couple stitches, and Downie was left to get his broken nose treated, but James wouldn’t return that evening. After being benched for the rest of the game, and told to spend the rest of the game in the locker room cooling down (a sort of time-out for the young right winger), James was then benched the next three consecutive games. While the Penguins were the most “fight happy” team in the league, Mario, Ray, and Dan had decided that the spectacle that had gone on during the TB game wasn’t how they wanted the league to see their team.

He had contemplated quitting on them at that point. They told him, “Go home for a couple of days, get some rest and visit with your family. This isn’t permanent, but if you don’t get a serious attitude adjustment by next week, we are going to be forced to let you go. We didn’t bring you in to be a dirty enforcer.” Besides being a kick in the stomach, James had embarrassed both his family and himself. He didn’t go home, however. He sat in his rented one bedroom apartment for three days thinking of a thousand different ways he could escape from Pittsburgh, and escape from the team. He wanted back in Dallas where he felt comfortable and called his second home.

It wasn’t until the playoffs did that uncomfortable knot in his stomach start to untie just a little bit. The entire series had been up down, back-and-forth, and side-to-side everything. One minute Pittsburgh was leading, the next Tampa and vice versa. James’ second chance with the team came at 3:38 in the second overtime of Game 4. An awkward shot from the near wall of the TB defensive end snuck past Dwayne Roloson’s shoulder causing fans to go wild with disappointment and craze all over the St. Pete Times Forum. Even though the series had turned in favor of the Lightening, James had worn something over that meant so much more to him: the confidence of the Pens fans.

“Have you told your sister this yet?” Debra asked slowly as she made her way through his childhood home kitchen, throwing things onto the stove for her family’s dinner. On James’ line he fell silent because he had forgotten. “You forgot didn’t you?” She asked, almost reading his mind at the moment. He shook his head gruffly and walked out of the locker room.

No, he hadn’t forgotten about it.

“No, mom. I didn’t forget… Just… Just tell Becks that I’ll be home sometime later this month and we’ll go to the beach that weekend.” He had promised his baby sister, who was just getting to her teenage years, that they would go spend the weekend at a beach house with a couple of her girlfriends. Since both of their parents worked basically all the time just to make ends meet for the two children still living at home, James knew Rebecca would never get to go on the trip with either one of them. When he had made the offer earlier in the season, she had begun planning the trip down to the last minute.

His mother sighed, and he imagined her pinching the bridge of her nose just as she always did when one of her children had begun to do something that annoyed her. Throughout his childhood growing up, he had never seen his soft-spoken mother raise her voice above normal conversation or a hand to anyone of her kids. She was calm and cool at times of desperation and she always kept her anger in check. “You need to call and talk to her. She’s going to be disappointed, James.”

He ducked his head, as if he was ashamed, and tried to scoot past a young boy hobbling around on his skates. His eyes were welled up and red, and hot tears ran down his pink face. James almost dropped his phone mid-conversation. “Mom, I have to give you a call back.” He told her quickly before dropping the call and stuffing the phone into the back pocket of his dark wash jeans.

Kneeling down to his level, he recognized the little boy as the one who had been on the ice while he had been practicing. After most of his practice had been over, he made his way over to the little guy. He didn’t see a mother or a father around watching him, so he asked if he was a hockey player. After the little one peppered him with a ton of questions about playing in the NHL, he had the idea of tossing out a few pucks onto the ice and letting him play around. For being what James assumed was about five years old, the little guy had skill. He had set up a couple of trick plays on the little guy when he stood in goal, and he had even got a couple past him. The joy that James saw on the boy’s face and the gratitude he had expressed as they made their way off the ice and into separate corners of the arena made him realize once again why he played the game: for the love of it.

“You lookin’ for somebody?” He asked as the little guy tapped his stick on the floor. He shook his head and tried to hold back the tears that were brimming just on the corners of his eyes. Again, James asked. “Are you looking for your mom?” He asked, trying so hard to remember what the little boy said his name was. Still he shook his head. “Listen, Rylan,” Bingo. “If you know your moms number you can give her a call on my cell phone. I’m sure she’s just right around the corner.” James pulled his iPhone back out of his pocket and hit the call button and handed it to him. Rylan looked at the phone and back up to James.

Okay, plan B then, James thought as he shoved the phone back into his pocket. As he was trying to figure out what he was supposed to do (he wasn’t the most eloquent as to what you do when a child was looking for their lost parent) a shrill giggle escaped from between the boy’s lips.

“Rylan! Oh, baby, I’m so sorry. I just had to take sissy to the potty really quick; I’m so sorry baby. Are you okay?” Rylan nodded his little brunette head and ran over to his mother who was knelt on the ground with one of her arms out and the other wrapped around another small child, a girl.

“Mommy, I was scared at first, but James helped me find you.” The young woman stood up now with both children on opposite hips and gave James a small—yet embarrassed—smile.

“I don’t usually--” He cut her off with a smile before she could even finish.

“Don’t worry, little man and I were just practicing our skills. Think I could get an autograph from you just in case one day you’re the next Sidney Crosby?” The little boy’s eyes lit up at the compliment as he begged his mother to put him down, hand him a pen and a pad of paper. She smiled but was wary. Ever since they had moved here she had been wary of everyone. Deep down everyone had ulterior motives; even if it were just this.

“It’s R-Y-L-A-N M-E-Y-E-R-S,” He spelt his name as he “autographed” the piece of paper for James. James grinned as he scrawled letters that didn’t even look like what he was saying, and acted surprised when he gave him the sheet of paper. “And this is my baby sister Harper, and my mom,” He finally introduced the two girls that were standing behind him. James noticed the small and withheld smile she gave him and put out his hand for her to shake.

“James,” He smiled with his pearly whites as she twisted her baby from one hip to the other to free up her hand.

“Lila,” She spoke tentatively.

“I guess I’ll see you around here sometime, little man?” James asked pushing his fist out for the little boy to meet his dap. Lila watched the encounter between her four year old and the mystery man, they acted as if they had known each other for ages.

“We have to go now, baby. I have to get back to work.” Lila apprehensively said as Rylan jutted out his bottom lip to pout. She raised her eyebrows towards her son and immediately he stopped. James let out a small chuckle towards the encounter and again sloughed his bag back onto his back.

“It was nice meeting you, Lila.” He responded his time as he patted the small boy on the head and waved to his new little friend. Before he made it to the end of the hallway to leave the building, he turned around and waved at them. Something about her was just so striking to him. Maybe it was the tentative and apprehensive demeanor that made him curious. Or maybe it was the kids. People with kids had a story to tell. Would she allow him to let him hear hers?

Lila pursed her lips as he walked away. Something about him was just so mysterious. She didn’t like mysterious. Mysterious tended to lead to secrets, and secrets lead to hurt and heartache. She had been through this once before and she wasn’t allowing herself to go anywhere near it again.

“Let’s go baby dolls, I have to drop you off at Opa’s okay?” She spoke more comfortably this time. Rylan latched onto his mother’s hand as she began walking towards the offices of the building.

Mystery tended to get you burnt, and she wasn’t going to go near the fire once again.