Coming Home.

Dear Harry,
It’s starting to snow here. I know that’s a stupid way to start a letter, but I know that you love when it snows, and lately, that’s all I can think about whenever I look out the window. There’s so much I want to say to you, but I don’t know how to get it out. You’d think by now I’d be used to it all, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. I guess I should start with how much I love you, because I really do, so much to the point that I can hardly believe I’m the same person I was before I met you. Or maybe I should tell you how I can’t imagine being with anyone else, no matter how long you’re away from me.

I want you to know what when you come home to me, I know that we won’t have that much time before you have to return to your station, but know that it’s alright, because I know that’ll just make our time that much more special to us. We can cuddle on the couch and watch your favorite action films while I pretend to pay attention, but I’m honestly more interested in how your heart beats at a perfect rhythm with mine.

I think about you every day, you know? Eleanor says I should stop worrying so much, that you’ll be fine, just like Louis, and you’ll be back in no time, but you know I can’t help but worry about you; I’ve always been that way, and I’m going to worry about you until the moment you’re safely back in my arms. Even though I get so worked up about your safety, you don’t have to worry about me, I’ve been doing quite well, following all of the doctor’s orders, which I’m sure you’re happy to know.

I had my first sonogram today. Don’t worry; I included the picture in the envelope. Everything is great, our little one is perfectly healthy and she’ll be due December 20th, a week after you come home. Our little Christmas Miracle. We can’t tell yet, whether or not if it’s a girl, I won’t be able to know that for a couple more months, but I have a feeling that she is. I know we have plenty of time to pick out a name for her, but I’ve come up with Olive and I really like that name. (Even though I know you hate olives, but she can be an exception, can’t she?)

I’m going to stop rambling now, because I know that’s exactly what’s happened to this entire letter. Give a kiss to Louis for me, I miss him. And stay safe, Harry. If I couldn’t imagine life without you before, I don’t know what I’d do without you and a new baby. I’ll see you soon.
With all my love,
Katie.

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Dear Kat,

I’m sorry that I haven’t been able to write back to you as quickly as I’d like, but there’s hardly any time to myself around here, and the lads don’t exactly keep their eyes to themselves. It’s not really a good excuse for not writing back, but I feel that our letters are private, and I want to keep you all to myself, as selfish as that is.

I find myself loving you even more, if that’s possible, the longer that we’re apart from each other. I think in a way, it’s made me appreciate you more. Every night that I spend in my barrack, alone, the mere thought of you is enough to keep me going and make it to the next day. I never had motivation like that before I met you. I know it’s harder on you, what with the baby on the way and me not there to hold your hand through every step of the way, but I promise you that when I do get home, I’m going to change every single diaper, fix up every single bottle, and get up every single night to hush the cries, without so much as a peak, because I love you, and I want you to know how important this family is to me.

Since sending the sonogram, I’ve kept the photo close, tucking it into the breast pocket of my uniform, and keeping it on me at all times. For a while, I never imagined myself as ever being a father, I mean, I liked kids, but there was never a moment where I thought I would be able to have my own. The moment I met you, all of that changed. I wanted nothing more than to marry you, keeping you with me forever, and creating a little family of our own. This baby is a blessing and I have never been so thankful for something in my life.

Eleanor is right, you know? You shouldn’t worry so much. And I know that simply saying that isn’t going to stop you, but I want you to rest assured knowing that no matter how worked up you get, how bad it seems on the reports and the television, and whatever that happens out here, nothing, and I mean nothing is going to keep me from coming home to you. I promise you that.

Seven more months. I know it seems like a long ways away, it’s killing me to have to wait so long to feel your heart against mine again, but just know that all is well here, and it’ll just be all that much better when we’re together again. Stay beautiful, Kat.
With all my love,
Harry. x

(P.s. I quite like the name Olive. I think it’d suit our little girl rather nicely.)
(P.P.S I sounded really British there, didn’t I?)

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Dear Harry,

Your mother stopped by today. I was really thankful for her visit. I’ve been growing lonely in the past couple of weeks, seeing as Eleanor’s been busy with work and sending her own care packages to Louis. Anne brought a few photo albums and she showed me all of your baby photos and we compared them with mine, trying to figure out which of my traits she’d get, and which of your traits she’d get. I think she’s gonna have your mess of curls, but they’ll be blonde to match her mamas. I think it’s safe to say our daughter is going to be a stunner either way, but those green eyes of yours might help a bit. Honestly though, I’d be happy however our little angel comes out.

I know it’s not much but I took a picture of my belly today with that polaroid you got me in California and I included the picture in the envelope. I don’t really have much of a belly, seeing as I’m just six months along, but the doctor says I probably won’t show until I’m right about to pop, seeing as how petite I am. Anyways, I just thought you’d like to see the progress.

I’ve been trying to put this off in the letter because I know you hate my worrying, and you’d tell me if anything was really wrong, but I can’t help but listen to the reports on the news. They say it’s getting really bad over there, what with the bombs constantly being set off by the enemy near your barracks, and the lack of care for the people living in the area, resulting in completely reckless behavior, putting absolutely everyone at risk, more so than previously. Tell me you’re staying safe, please. Tell me that you and Louis have your eyes on each other’s backs. I know Eleanor acts strong, a lot stronger than I could ever hope to be, but I don’t know what she’d do if she lost Louis. They’ve been dating since she was just fifteen; he’s her life.

I’ll leave you with the fact that I love you, so much, and miss you so terribly and I’m absolutely bubbling at the seams at the mere thought of you coming home in just two months. Can you believe it? We’ve already made it this far, I swear, I can almost reach out and touch the finish line. (That was a bit cheesy, wasn’t it?)

With love always,
Katie.

(P.S. I also included a picture from your mum. She took it a couple weeks ago when we were all together for the monthly cook outs. She thought you’d want a shot of everyone.)

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Dear Katie,

I know you can’t help but worry when you hear horrendous details on the news about what’s going on over here, and honestly, I don’t blame you for listening to them. I’m not going to lie to you, I’m fucking terrified every day of my life, because in just an instant, I could walk into a trap, or be killed in combat. It’s not death that scares me though, it’s the very real thought of never getting to see your beautiful face again. The one thing that keeps me getting up every morning is also the same thing that terrifies me. I just want to get back to you already. It’s miserable here when I’m so far apart from you and I can’t even have the simple novelty of hearing your voice. All I have is our letters, and I hold onto them with everything in me. Each of your perfectly scripted words have been memorized in my mind, and there they will stay until the day I die, which I swear to you, won’t happen for a very long time. x

Always yours,
Harry.

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Dear Harry,

I felt the baby kick today. Well, I’ve felt her kick before, but this time is different from all the rest, because I was telling her about you. I was laying on the couch, rubbing my belly as I told her about the time me and her daddy met, and it was funny, almost magical really, that the moment I spoke your name, she kicked, harder than she ever had before. I know it’s not much, and you’ll probably think it’s a bit of my superstitions, but I think it’s a sign, don’t you? She’s listening to me, and she knows her daddy. It’s the craziest feeling in the world to feel her kick like that. If I don’t end up going in to labor early, more than anything, I want you to be able to feel her kick. I know you’re not exactly the mushiest guy, but it even brought a bit of tears to your step dads eyes when he felt it.

It’s almost time for you to come home. I’ve been cleaning up the house nonstop since I flipped the calendar to November. Just one more month, and I won’t have to go to sleep every night worried that I won’t get another letter. I mean, I know that you’ll have to go back, but I’m trying not to think about that. All I want to think about is our little family being together for our first Christmas, and nothing makes me more ecstatic.

I want to hold off on putting up Christmas decorations until you get here, but Eleanor and your mum insisted, and they’ll be coming over on the first weekend of December to help put everything up. Don’t be mad though, I know how much you love for us to put up the decorations together. Maybe I’ll just take them down after they leave, and wait for you to come and we’ll do them ourselves.

Miss you xx
Katie.

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Dear Katie,

Louis died today. It happened early this morning while I was out with a few of our platoon, surveying the nearby area. A mortar attack destroyed where he had been sitting, preparing a new set of weapons. Seven soldiers died today, and I know that I should be mourning all of their deaths, and finding it all a harsh punishment that their lives were taken, but all I can think about is Louis. Even now as I write this to you in the late hours of the night, I am shaking from my silent sobs, I can barely write to you. Louis had been my best mate since primary school. We did everything together, no matter how stupid and idiotic it seemed at the time. He was gonna marry Eleanor, he had the ring and everything. He was such a nervous wreck these last couple of weeks because he couldn’t quite come up with the best way to propose to her. Eleanor was a girl so special, so delicate, so different from the rest that he had to have the absolute perfect proposal to suit her. He’d even gone so far as to have a few of us and play Eleanor as he practiced out a proposal on us. I’m including the ring in this note. Give it to El, I know she’d want it.

You know more than anyone else around her that this is the hardest time in her life. Go be with her, no matter how strong she tries to act, you know exactly what she’s going through, because it’s the one thing you pray every night to protect you against; the loss of someone you love so dearly. So just be there for her.

They’re sending him home in a couple of days. The arrangements are being made and they’ll be sending Eleanor the date and time that he’ll be arriving to the airport. You don’t have to go if you don’t feel that you can handle it, but I know that she’d be grateful to have you there with her.

Harry.

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Katie held onto the last letter she’d received from Harry tightly as she reread the words she’d already memorized. It’d been a month already and he’d yet to send her another one. She’d waited and waited, checking the mailbox numerous times a day even, but each time, she was more disappointed than the last when she came up empty handed. She felt the tears slide down her cheeks and once they slid off her cheeks and onto the paper, slightly blurring the words, she quickly rubbed at her face, not wanting her tears to erase his words.

She’d tried to positive, she really had, but each time that she went over to Eleanor’s and saw how someone who was always so strong, and so sure that he’d return to her, to see her absolutely broken, it shattered almost every bit of hope Katie had left inside her.

Katie carefully slid off the couch, grasping the sides to lift herself up and she waddled to the kitchen, her swollen belly looking and feeling as if it were about to pop. Her tiny hands gently rubbed alongside the surface, smiling softly when she’d felt a kick as she waited for the kettle to heat up.

Katie felt the tears rising in her eyes once again when her eyes landed on a photo she had stuck to the fridge. It was a picture of her and Harry a few years ago, when they vacationed in the Bahamas. She had the biggest, cheesiest smile on her face, with her arms wrapped tightly around his torso, while Harry had an expression of mock terror on his face, always being one to love ruining potential Christmas cards.

Katie sucked in a shaky breath and dropped her hands back to her belly once more where the kicks were becoming a bit frequent, and she closed her eyes gently.

“Hush little baby, don’t say a word, mama’s gonna buy you a mockingbird,” she whispered the song quietly. “And if that mockingbird won’t sing, mama’s gonna buy you a diamond ring.”

Katie felt the kicks of the baby to gradually start slowing down, not so many of them pushed together, and not so much force in them. Katie smiled, realizing the song was helping. She sniffled, wiping a few more tears off her cheeks. “And if that diamond ring turns brass,” she sang softly. “Mama’s gonna buy you a looking glass.”

The kettle began to whistle and Katie reached over, immediately turning it off, letting the water cool a bit. “And if that looking glass gets broke, mama’s gonna buy you a Billy goat.” She felt the baby let out a kick harder than she had before, and Katie groaned, closing her eyes slightly. “And if that billy goat won’t pull, mama’s gonna buy you a cart and bull.” She rubbed soothingly, “And if that cart and bull turn over, mama’s gonna buy you a dog named Rover.”

The kicks settled down a bit more again, and Katie let out a small sigh of relief, the pain had been getting a bit bad lately, what with the baby about ready to be born, her kicks were a sure sign that she was ready to come out. “And if that dog named Rover won’t bark, mama’s gonna buy you a horse and cart.”

“And if that horse and cart fall down, you’ll still be the sweetest little baby in town.”

Katie’s eyes widened, her hands on her belly seizing up at the sound of the voice and she slowly turned around, finding herself three feet away from Harry. She was absolutely speechless as she stood there, trying to take him in. Was this real? Was he really standing there, or was she just hallucinating him there? She opened her mouth a few times, readying herself to speak, but she found it impossible to spit the words out.

Harry smiled softly, still clad in uniform as his eyes slowly pulling away from Katie’s face to take in her swelling baby. He couldn’t believe that this was really real. That there she was, standing just a few feet away from him, pregnant, about to pop with the beautiful human being they’d created right before he left. Harry swore that Katie looked ten times more beautiful than the last time he saw her, maybe it was the glow everyone spoke about when a woman became pregnant, but he swore that it was the absence from her that made him truly appreciate her beauty.

“How are-“ she breathed out, losing her words. “You’re standing here, but this can’t be real.” She spoke her head slightly, not believing her eyes. She was losing her mind, she was only seeing what she wanted to see.

Instead of speaking, Harry took the few steps forward and wrapped his arm around her middle, pulling her close, as his other hand reached up to her chin and brought their lips together, capturing them in a long awaited kiss that held all of their frustrations, and worries, and cares, and hopes all into one. Katie’s hand immediately shot up into his hair, knotting themselves in the curls she’d missed so dearly and she felt herself sigh into him, her body leaning into him as the tears escaped her lips. This was real, he was really there.

They pulled away, Harry’s forehead touching hers as their eyes locked onto each other’s. “It’s finally slowing down over there.” Harry’s deep voice was like a drug that she’d been away from for too long and the mere sentence sent her emotions into overdrive, the tears falling faster at this. He reached up, wiping her cheeks with the pad of his thumbs. “I think it’s over. They sent home over a thousand of us.”

“I can’t believe you’re so swollen.” He chuckled softly, his breathe hitting Katie’s face, stirring the small baby hairs on her forehead. “Olive looks like she’s ready to pop out right now.” He carefully brought his large hands up and his smile was one that Katie locked away in memory and swore she’d never forget, as he felt his daughter kick in her womb.

“I can’t believe you’re home.” She whispered, barely able to get her words out before she started sobbing, throwing her arms tightly around his neck, pulling him as close to her as she possibly could, wanting nothing more than to immense herself completely in him, lose herself in him, if he meant that she’d never have to be apart from him again. Even being away for so long, in a foreign country, fighting every day of his life, in that moment, she found herself sobbing harder at the fact that he still smelled the same, and to many, that may have sounded absolutely idiotic, but to her, it was so much more than it. It meant that he was still her Harry, it was really him, and he wasn’t going anywhere.

“I made you a promise didn’t I? Harry asked her softly, tilting her head back softly to kiss the tears away. He had tears in his own eyes. There were times when he felt like he was never going to see her again, never feel her lips against his, or feel her body pressed up against his like she was now, and those thoughts alone were enough to keep him fighting, to keep him strong, because he knew that he couldn’t lose her. It wasn’t humanly possible for him to allow something, anything to keep him from the woman he loved since he was seventeen years old. And here he was, keeping his promise to her, and those tears of happiness, he didn’t bother to wipe them away as he pressed his face into her neck, reveling in the familiar scent he’d been away from for so long. He was finally home.