Give Them Blood, Blood, Gallons of the Stuff

~Gerard's POV~

Done. I am so fucking done. With everything. My love for Frank isn't even enough to keep me here. Keep me where? Keep me here on this joke of a planet. It was 10 o'clock at night and i had hit rock bottom.

My whole body was shaking as blood flowed out of my left forearm. Have you ever just stared at fresh blood? The elegance of it is breathtaking. The color is the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I watched as the blood poured off my arm and drip-dropped onto my diary.

In that moment the only person I could think about was Frankie. My conscious was chanting, "Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank." God did I love that man, I was going to marry that man someday, if I lived another day that is. I remember the day I forced Frankie to wear a pair of finger less gloves to school. His face was priceless, "what the fuck Gee?" is what his eyes said. He laughed and put on the gloves, moving his hands like a supermodel to inspect his gift from me. His laugh, his laugh was the sexiest, cutest, most beautiful thing i have ever heard. "I'm gonna miss that laugh, I'm gonna miss him." I whispered to my self.

It began to rain outside and the droplets tapped against my window, drowning out my nearly silent tears. I grabbed my pen and quickly scribbled the words "school. xoxo g" onto the bloody page of my diary. i took my favorite picture of Frank and I and taped it to the front, so he would never forget my undying love for him, even if I was dead.

I honestly don't want Frank to be the one to find my dead body. I want it to be a janitor or a gym teacher, someone who won't care too much but will be generous enough to break the news of my suicide to Frankie.

I can see it in my head, Juan, the janitor silently walks outside of the school, he has he hands in his jumper pockets with his head hanging low. Police line the school. Frank is concerned, sitting on the side walk with his face in his hands. Juan silently sits next to him, places his hand on Frank's shoulder and says in his strong Hispanic accent, "you are Frank Iero, correct?" "Yes...?" Frank would answer.

I just couldn't think about that anymore. I was going to chicken out if i did. I couldn't afford to back down now.

I slipped my journal back into the book shelf after tearing out a piece of paper. I scribbled down,

"i love you Frankie, I always have and I'll never stop, even if I'm not here to tell you. Remember that this isn't your fault. Tell Mikey that I love him. Please stay strong Frankie, and remember, homophobia is gay. <3 xoxo g."

I was hoping he'd get a chuckle out of the homophobia is gay part. I crumpled up the paper and shoved into the slick pocket of my leather jacket. I headed to the bathroom and washed off my forearm, wincing from the pain. I jumped into my silver Subaru XT and made my way for the high school. I checked the back seat. Good, the pre-tied rope was there and my phone was off.