One Hundred Sleepless Nights

These dull white walls are what I’ve been staring at for the past week. Do you know what crappy hospital food does to your body after a whole week just feeding off of them? I feel bloated, sick and the fact that I haven’t got any sleep doesn’t help at all.

It was a pretty gloomy Sunday evening, light rain was trickling outside making it colder than it should be. I’ve been walking back and forth from the cafeteria to the hospital room about 8 times in the past 2 hours. I really want to get out of this hellhole and never come back, but that’s not going to happen as long as she’s stuck in here.

I hate her with all my heart for what she had done to herself; I couldn’t even think a good enough reason for her to do such thing to herself. We haven’t spoken in two years and the only time I got a phone call from her number was some stranger telling me I should rush to the hospital.

I stood up and grab my wool jacket from the armrest and quickly walked outside the hospital room. I put on my hood and as I was taking out my Marlboro from my jacket pocket, I noticed the NO SMOKING sign on the wall. I roll my eyes and turned my direction towards the hospital lobby and proceed to walk to the parking lot, it had stopped raining but the air was still cold that I could actually see my breath.

I lit up my cigarette and huff out the deadly white smoke from the cancer stick I was smoking from. I chuckled; I remembered the way I used to snap at my mom whenever she smoked. I kept on telling him how she’s going to die painfully of cancer if she doesn’t stop smoking. But now that I’ve gotten used to the feeling of release from smoking, I get why she doesn’t want to stop. I blew the last smoke and threw the cigarette butt onto the flowerbed in front of me.

As I was walking back to her room, I passed the information desk and there I saw a bunch of guys talking to the information lady. One had three balloons that said, “get well soon”, one had a fruit basket; which I assume he bought from the gift shop down the hall, and the last one with the black snapback was carrying a black duffel bag. I saw him turn around at my direction so I kept my head down to avoid any eye contact.

I rolled my eyes at the last guy, I could never understand people who wears sunglasses or hats indoors. Those things are to protect you from the sun, THERE’S NO SUN INDOORS. It really irritates me that they actually thought they looked cool, when they don’t. They look stupid as hell.

I closed the door behind me when I got into her room and took a seat back at the stupid stiff couch the hospital had put in. I turned on the TV and just like any other time of day, nothing good was playing. I stared at the girl, who’s lying on the cold hospital bed, breathing through a tube that was forced down her throat. I hear faint but steady heartbeat on the monitor next to her bed and she had 2 IVs stuck to her arms. I didn’t realize that I was tearing up until a teardrop down to my finger.

Why do you have to be so fucking stupid?



I woke up from the sound of my phone blaring next to me; I didn’t even realize that I fell asleep. I looked at the caller ID and it says ‘Kristin’, my best friend.

“Hey, what’s up?” I said as I picked up the phone, still sounding groggy from sleeping

“No, I’m still here. Probably will until this stupid bitch wakes up” I said again

“Alright, I’ll see you soon”

Kristin is my best friend since elementary school, our parents used to take turns carpooling and we basically lived right next to each other. She always had my back and she never put anything before our friendship. She and I are totally different, she was the high school cheerleader, and she has blonde hair and legs that goes on forever. Her piercing blue eyes and Barbie doll figure really completes her package. While I was the exact opposite of what she was, but even with all the shit that people say, the stares people gave us whenever we hang out together, she is always here for me.

We both went to UCLA for university; I graduated with honors in journalism while she is still in university taking medicine. We both lived together in an apartment, but since I graduated already I decided to move out and find my own place. Now I live in a small loft but only 5 minutes away from where my old apartment would be.

“Hey sexy, stop frowning will you?” I looked up and saw Kristin on the doorway carrying a bag of Chipotle.

“Oh you are my savior! Give me that!” I reached out to her but she refuses to give them to me until I give her a hug.

I stood up and gave her a hug, stealing my burrito in the process.

“Let’s go to the cafeteria, I don’t want the room to smell like Mexican food” She snorts in return and we both walked towards the same old boring cafeteria. She bought a can of Pepsi from the vending machine and took a seat in front of me.

“So how is she?” She asked as she opened her can

“Stable, she’s hanging in there. The doctor said there’s a pretty big chance that she will wake up from her coma, we just don’t know when” I took out my burrito from the bag and smiled at her.

“I’m sorry for what you’re going through babe, you know I’m always here for you right? Don’t you worry about anything” She rubbed my arm and gave me an assuring smile.

I didn’t say anything other than giving her a smile. Then suddenly her face lit up and she clapped her hands together.

“Oh! I have something else for you!” She took out a big tumbler that was wet from the cold inside the tumbler.

“I don’t want coffee… Who eats Mexican food with coffee?” I rolled my eyes

“It’s not coffee,” She giggled; I grabbed the tumbler from her hand and opened it. The smell of alcohol soon greeted my nose and I swear I must’ve had the biggest smile on my face.

“How could I ever live without you Kristin,” I blew her a kiss and she just smiled at me with a satisfied look on her face.

We both ate our food in silence, not the awkward silence; we were both just occupied with our food. Especially me since all I have been eating for the past week are mashed potatoes, steamed veggies and tuna casserole. I literally want to kill myself if I have to eat those shit again.

There are only Kristin and I in the cafeteria, it was really quiet until I heard people chattering and laughing from down the hall. Kristin and I both turned our attention to where the sound came from and the guys I saw earlier strolled in and took a seat on the opposite side of where Kristin and I were sitting. We both stared at each other and then I shrugged, I went back to my burrito but Kristin was still staring at those guys.

“Kristin, stop staring and eat your food. Do you have class tomorrow?” I asked her with my mouth half full

“Don’t do that… It’s gross. I have class at 11 ‘till 3 why? You wanna hang?”

“If you can hang here in the hospital then you are very much welcomed” I laughed

“You can’t go home just for a short while? Just to get new clothes and sleep on a real bed for once”

“No, I’m afraid that I’ll miss the chance to yell at her when she wakes up. I’m not going anywhere Kris”

“You want me to grab you anything from home tomorrow before I go to campus?”

“Yeah, if it’s not too much trouble?”

“No silly! I’ll grab your shit tomorrow morning, don’t fret”

“You’re an angel, Kristin. Thank you”

“Anything for you doll”

After Kristin went home, I walked back to her room. I looked down at my clothes and sighed, I’ve been wearing this shirt for 2 days straight. The last time I took a shower was last night and the last time I’ve had sleep that lasts more than 4 hours was… I think a week ago.

I left the room door open because the air conditioning was too cold and I was trying to get the cold air out and then I saw him again, the guy in the black snapback, walking right past the room. He saw me sitting with my knees up to my chest. He smiled and bowed his head down while tilting his hat.

Who the fuck is that?