One Hundred Sleepless Nights

The next morning Kristin came at about 9 AM, she brought me fresh Starbucks coffee and a hot, crispy cheese bagel. We talked for about an hour then she took off to go to campus; she promised she’d visit again tonight.

That was the only memorable thing from today, it’s not 1 PM and I haven’t done shit that’s even remotely productive. I called my office earlier and told her about this crisis I’m going through, fortunately my boss is a sweetheart and gave me the week off. Though I still have to work, she allowed me to work from home and send emails to communicate.

I got up from the God-awful couch and opened the duffel bag that Kristin brought for me; I nearly burst out laughing when I saw she sneaked in a bottle of Jameson and a note that has a smile face attached to it. Ha! She knows me too well.

I pull out my phone and texted Kristin,

To: Kristin Hanlin
I love you so much you know that?

I threw the phone onto the couch, grabbed my loose white tank and black skinnies and got into the bathroom. I stood under the hot shower for what feels like an eternity, moisturizing my dry skin because of the cold November air. It’s not snowing but yet again, it never snowed in California. I dried up and put on my clothes before stepping out into the room. I tied my hair into a messy bun and put on my thick, warm wool jacket.

I better start working now…



I sighed as I stretched my arm over my head. This stupid book review is making me feel like I want to kill myself. I thought when I graduate from university I would have a killer job as a journalist. Covering shit that’s actually important and interesting, but now I’m just stuck reviewing books for a local magazine that I’m pretty sure no one reads. I’ve been looking for jobs that I actually would enjoy but so far? I got zip.

It’s almost 5 PM and I just realized that I have missed lunch; I closed my laptop and put it aside. I sat still on the couch for a couple of seconds then got up to where my duffel bag was sitting. I grabbed the Jameson, poured some into the tumbler Kristin had brought in yesterday and walked out of the room and into the cafeteria. For some reason the cafeteria is packed today, filled with sick kids yet they can manage to still run around and piss people off even more. The line for the food was incredibly long so I took small change from my back pocket and walked right up to the vending machine.

Tuna sandwich? Or Bacon and eggs?

I went with the tuna sandwich, so I can still get the bacon and eggs if I’m hungry in the middle of the night. I went around to look for a table but no luck, it was too crowded and from the 5 minutes that I was in the cafeteria, I’d saw at least 6 pregnant women walking around with their big bellies. It made me shudder whenever I thought about pregnancies, I’m sure as hell will never be having any babies. I walked back to the room, threw myself onto the couch and started eating the cold, disgusting tuna sandwich and drown myself with my whiskey cola.

A while later, Kristin called to tell me that she got caught up at the library trying to finish her term paper, which really bummed me out because I was looking forward to hang out with her. So I ended up doing what I do everyday, watch TV, do my work and sleep.

I woke up an hour later when the nurse and the doctor came in for the daily check ups. They brought in a cart full of medicine and needles and all that stuff, it makes me sick just thinking of what she’s going through.

“Her vitals are good, she’s showing great progress. Hopefully she’ll be awake soon” The doctor spoke to me while examining her charts.

“Will she be able go back to normal? Like, both physically and mentally?” I stood closer to her bed, brushing the hair that was on her face.

“It’s possible, with proper treatment and maybe counseling. But she’s really going to need extra attention”

“Of course” I nodded and looked at her once again; ugly scars marred her gorgeous porcelain skin, bruises covered arms and a cast on her left leg. The doctor excused himself and left the room, leaving me with the nurse that was checking the IV drops.

“Now, why don’t you head home for a while Ms. Hayes? I saw you here everyday, you must be bored and tired?” The nurse looked at me with a sad look on her eyes

“No it’s okay, I’ll just wait here until she wakes up” I forced a smile; she nodded and walked out from the room. I glanced at the clock and it was already 7, I sighed, I guess it’s time for my smoke.

I grabbed my cigarette and my jacket and head out to the parking lot, by this time the hospital was already less crowded and I noticed that the guy in the snapback wasn’t at the cafeteria or at the hospital for that matter. Well, not that I was interested, it’s just… I don’t get a lot of good views like that in the hospital.

I took out my Marlboro just to realize that I left my lighter back in the room and I was too lazy to walk back just to get a damn lighter.

“Fuck”

I let out a long and loud sigh and stuffed the Marlboro back into my pocket; I guess this just is not my day. I was about to head back to the room and continue my work when I felt a soft tap on my shoulder.

I jumped and turned around; it was the snapback guy.

“Hey, sorry I didn’t mean to scare you” He put both his hands up as if he was surrendering.

I put my hand on my chest, “You almost gave me a heart attack!”

“Well, I could just carry you inside if that happens” He laughed nervously; I only smiled awkwardly in return.

“Uh, here” He offered me his zippo lighter, how the hell does he know I needed a lighter?

“Thanks” I grabbed it from him and lit up my Marlboro. I huffed out the white smoke and it feels as if the weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

“I’m Tony, Tony Perry” He offered his hand towards me; I looked at him then greeted his hand.

“Cassie Hayes, and thank you for the lighter” I smiled and gave the lighter back to him.

Hmm… Maybe this night isn’t so bad after all.





“Hey man, I’m gonna get going okay? You sure you’re okay here alone? I could send Vic up here and stay with you” I said as I grabbed my hat from the couch next to the bed our friend Casey was on.

“I’m fine, I think I’m gonna sleep anyways. I think they gave me too much anesthetic, I’m fucking beat!”

I laughed at his answer; Casey just went surgery yesterday because this idiot completely snapped his leg after he jumped off from the roof. He had to get pins to get his bones back together.

“Alright then, I’m off! See ya tomorrow!” I walked out from Casey’s room and straight to the parking lot, wondering whether I’ll see the girl who rolled her eyes at me yesterday again or not.

I was reaching for my car keys when I heard a silent “fuck” but loud enough for me to hear it. I looked around and saw the girl from yesterday stuffing her Marlboro into her jacket pocket. What is she doing out here alone?

I walked up towards her and I suddenly get it, she went outside for a smoke and I’m pretty sure she cursed because she forgot her lighter. I chuckled in my head; a lighter would be a good enough reason to chat up to her.

I tapped her shoulder lightly and she jumped, putting her hand on her chest. “Hey, sorry I didn’t mean to scare you” I put both my hands up

“You almost gave me a heart attack!” She was breathing heavily, now I realized that maybe this was a bad idea.

“Well, I could just carry you inside if that happens” I tried joking to lighten up the situation but shit, that really sound stupid. She smiled weirdly towards me in return.

“Um, here” I took out my zippo lighter from my front pocket and offered it to her, only to have her stare at me for a second

“Thanks” She smiled and took the lighter anyway. She lit up her Marlboro Black Menthol and blew the deadly smoke out.

“I’m Tony, Tony Perry” I offered her my hand

“Casey Hayes, and thank you for the lighter” She gave the lighter back to me and I smiled in return. I took out a pack of red Marlboro from my pocket and start lighting up.

I started smoking after Stephanie and I broke up, that was about 6 months ago, and I felt like I needed an outlet to release my frustration. Drugs are off limits for me, I don’t feel like I want to and I never will. So I began smoking like a freight train the first couple of months after the break up, then I started to cut back and have only 2 sticks per day.

I looked at Cassie and she looked a lot more relaxed than she was before, I guess that’s one thing we have in common.