One Hundred Sleepless Nights

”Ooh sometimes, I got a good feeling”

I blasted Skrillex’s remix of Levels by Avicii on my iHome speaker on full volume while I make breakfast. It has been 2 days since the day I took Frenchi to the clinic and since then I’ve been feeling nervous and a little bit anxious to how Mike would react. Frenchi haven’t said anything so I guess that’s a good thing right?
The sound of the bass thumping was filling the tiny one bedroom apartment, thank God the apartment next to me is vacant or else I would be getting noise complaints since ages ago.

I was called by my boss today to come early to the office because she has something important to discuss with me. I had no problem with that because usually, I don’t even come in to the office. So I was already bathed, dressed and got busy in the kitchen by 7:30.

I was about to put the bread on the toaster when I heard a faint knocking on the door. I put the bread in the toaster and I sprinted towards the door, I didn’t even take a look at the peephole when I opened the door, which is a big mistake once I found out who was on the other side of the door.

It was Jessie.

“Hey Cassie, did I come at a bad time?” She shifted her weight; she looked a bit lost and anxious.

Now what the hell is she doing here?

“No, not at all. Come in” I opened the door wider and closed the door behind her. “I’m actually just making breakfast, you want some? I made eggs, toast and bacons”

“No thanks, I already ate on the way here” She smiled politely and took a seat on the couch. Yeah, of course you have.

“How about tea? Coffee?” I asked as I made my way towards the kitchen.

“Tea sounds good, thank you” She smiled again.

I poured water into two cups with a bag of Peppermint tea on each cup, one for each of us. I placed the cup of tea on the table and she gave me a soft ‘thank you’. I sat across her and carefully studied the slim, tall and slender figure in front of me. Her red nail polish are chipped and ugly, her long and sunny blond hair is now dull and greasy, being tied up in a messy bun to hide its hideousness, her radiant and freckled face is now pale, making her look sick and old.

“What brings you here to mi casa?” I just realized as I said that sentence, I’m starting to sound like Jaime.

“Um… It’s nothing actually, I… uh… I just don’t know whom else to talk to” She took another sip of her tea.

“Okay… What’s wrong?”

“It’s about Tony” I felt like my heart dropped and I flinched a little when she mentioned Tony’s name, but then I felt a feeling of panic and curiousness.

“What’s wrong with Tony? What happened to him?”

“Look, I know that you don’t really like me, and if I were you I would completely understand. I took your best friend away from you and I took away the time you usually would spend together” She paused. “but I know that you’re the only one who knows Tony like the back of your hand”

“Yeah, sometimes I feel like I know him better than I know myself” I chuckled.

“That’s why I’m here, I was hoping you can help me with him. He’s just… distant now, I feel like I don’t know him anymore”

Bitch, that’s because you don’t.

“What do you mean by distant?” I furrowed my eyebrows, trying to mask my excitement.

“Like, when he’s there… He’s not really there. I could just ramble about things and he would just mumble his answer and sometimes I even caught him staring blankly into space”

“Maybe he’s just got a lot in his mind”

“I don’t know, maybe. I tried talking to him, but it’s like talking to a brick wall, I couldn’t get anything out of him. I’m really trying to help him but I feel like he doesn’t want me around sometimes” She took deep breaths to keep herself from crying.

By now I was actually starting to feel bad for her, because I know, even if its only a small part, that I had something to do with Tony being like this towards Jessie. I kept quiet because right now I’m having a mental battle with myself, a part of me wants to help Jessie and fix their relationship, but on the other hand I really want their relationship to fall apart so Tony can finally see me.

“Do you want me to try and talk to him about it?” I cringed as I said those words, I can’t even believe that I actually wanted to help Jessie and Tony.

Her head shot up and she gave me a hopeful smile. “You would?”

“Yeah, I mean, I know Tony listens to me and it wouldn’t hurt to try” I gave her a fake smile.

“Oh thank you Cassie, I swear I really didn’t know what to do anymore” She leaned forward to give me a hug, which I returned in the most forced manner.

“Hey, what are friends for right?” I shot her a smile.

Right now I was actually disgusted with myself for how stupid I’m being. I feel like I have no spine, I just go on with what people tell me to do. I let people trample me over.

Jessie went home shortly after that and by then, my breakfast was cold and inedible. I threw everything into the garbage bin, grabbed my bag and went out to go to work. On the way to work, all I can think abut is to call Avela once I get there; I need to talk to her before I do anything about this. Now that I can finally think, I regretted the decision of wanting to help Jessie because as much as I love Tony and no matter how much I wanted him to be happy, I can’t just turn my back on my own feelings.

I got into the building and walked straight to my cubicle, I saw that my boss wasn’t here yet so I decided to call Avela from the office phone.

“Hey Ave? Did I wake you?” I said once the line was connected.

“Nope, I was just making breakfast for Jaime. What’s up sis?” I could hear the sizzling of the pan in the background.

“Okay, you are going to freak. So put down any sharp or hot things before I say this to you”

I heard Avela chuckled. “I think I’ll be fine, what happened?”

“Jessie came by my place this morning”

“WHAT?!” I heard metal clunking in the background, followed by a rustling of noise. “Sorry, I dropped my spatula. Why was she there? Did she came to give you a bitch fit or anything? If she did, she’s going to get the wrath of the PMS-ing Avela, I swear that bitch–“

I cut her off before she could continue on ranting. “No! Shut up, she didn’t give me any bitching, she was asking for my help actually”

“Help for…?”

“She wants me to talk to Tony for her. She was saying stuff like how he is distant now and how she feel like she doesn’t know him anymore and all that shit”

“What did you say?”

“I said I’d help. It was… I felt like it was the right thing to say back then, now I’m going all insane ‘cause I don’t wanna do it! I don’t want to help her fix her relationship with the guy I’m in love with”

“Oh… Oh wow”

“I know. What should I do? I know what the right thing to do is, but the thing is I just don’t want to do the right thing”

“I know Cass. You know, maybe by talking to him you can find out why he’s being distant with her. It could be an advantage on your side” I can almost hear the snicker on the other end of the line, she is as devious as Frenchi when she wants to.

“You know I don’t want to cause them to break up or anything. But yeah, I think I’ll go talk to him, I just hope I can stand being in the same room with him without breaking down”

“I know you can sis, come on, you’re the bravest person I have ever known. You can do this Cassie”

I smiled at her compliment; it’s lovely to hear that from your own sister because I actually don’t have any other choice than to be brave, at least in front of Avela. When our mom died, Avela was just a baby girl and I vowed myself to take care of her and make sure nothing bad ever happens to her. I already broke that promise once when I let her go, and now I’m sure it’ll never happen again.

Just as I was about to speak, I saw Sophia, my boss, walked out from the elevator. She waved at me and signaled me with her fingers to follow her into her office.

“Thanks baby girl. Hey listen, I gotta go but I’ll talk to you later okay, I’ll call you once I talked to Tony”

“Alright Cass, good luck!”

We said our goodbyes and I hang up the phone. I stood up, straightened my blouse and walked towards Sophia’s office.

“Ah, Cassie. Come on in, sit down” She motioned me to sit down on the chair across her table.

“How are you this morning? I haven’t seen you in a while” She smiled sincerely.

“I’m doing great, and yeah sorry for not being here more often, I feel like I would get more inspiration if I go out from the office”

“You know I’ve always thought you’re an amazing reporter, although you didn’t come to the office as often as the others, you still manage to give an spectacular report, even on the most boring subject” She chuckled, while I just sat there and gave her a nervous smile, cause honestly I was really quite nervous to where this conversation is going.

“Last week I got phone call from dear friend of mine and she was asking me if I have anyone exceptionally good at reporting and writing to be transferred to her office. Of course the first person that pops into my head is you, now the only question is, are you willing to move… to London?”

My eyes went huge and I swear I was almost choking on my own spit. London? She is going to transfer me to London?

“London… as in London, UK?”

“Yes, as in London, UK” She laughed. I was really caught by surprise, never in a million years would I thought of being offered an experience like this.

“Wow… I don’t… I mean, I would love to but…”

“Now, you don’t have to decide right this. I’ll give you two weeks to decide and we can continue on after you make that decision”

After another 5 minutes of asking questions, I was excused and was allowed to go home. I was given an assignment but I decided that I would take it home and do it later tonight. Sophia said to me during the time I got to ask questions that I was considered not only because of my journalism skills but the fact that I don’t have a family or kids that is holding me back. That’s why Jocelyn was crossed from the list.

I gathered all my stuff and decided to head straight to Tony’s to get this whole thing over with. Once I got there, I knocked on the door and leaned against the doorframe until Tony opens the door.

“Hey Cass, watcha doin’ here?” He said, smiling widely.

“I came to see you, are you gonna let me in?” I raised my eyebrows and put both hands on my hips.

“Yeah come on in” He opened the door wider for me to walk in and closed the door behind me. I walked to the living room and thanked God because Mrs. P wasn’t there.

“So, what’s up?” He put both his hands in his jean pockets.

“So, uh… your girlfriend showed up to my apartment this morning” I bit my bottom lip cause I didn’t know how to continue.

“What? Why was she there? She told me she had errands to run” He furrowed his eyebrows and stepped closer to where I was standing.

“She’s confused Tony. She thinks that you don’t want her around anymore, what happened between you two?”

“What do you mean? We’re fine. I’m fine. She’s just… making shit up” He let out an exasperated sigh and yanked the red Key Street snap back off his head.

“Come on Tone, you expect me to believe that? You know I can read you like a book” I smiled, grabbing his hand and pulling him close so we were standing only inches apart.

He closed his eyes and sighed. “I remembered”

I cocked my head to the side. “What do you mean?”

“What happened when I crashed at your place? I remembered. I remember everything” Now he is the one grabbing my hand, when he sensed that I was about to let go of his.

I shook my head and tried to put on a fake smile. “I know it doesn’t mean anything. You don’t have to exp–“

“It does” He tilted my chin up so I was looking him in the eyes. “I meant what I said, I still do,” He whispered, moving his face closer to mine, our lips only millimeters apart.

I bit my lip and pulled away gently. “I can’t. Jessie is a nice girl Tony, I can’t let you do this to her. It’s not fair”

“But you know how I feel! And I’m pretty sure I know how you feel about me either. So what’s the problem now Cass?”

“I don’t want to be ‘the other woman’ Tony, I’m not my mother” I said a little bit tightly. I let go of his grip and started to walk towards the door.

“Don’t go Cassie, please,” He pleaded with the saddest look I have ever seen Tony give to someone.

“Then do something Tony. Choose! Or not choose, just… decide” I stayed for a few more seconds to wait for his response, but when I didn’t get anything, I left and closed the door behind me.

I left the house feeling suffocated and heavy. Now we both have confessed both our feelings to each other, what else is there to do?