One Hundred Sleepless Nights

You know when you fucked up, and there’s literally nothing else you can do but to swallow that bitter truth and shut up?

Yeah.

The fact that Jessie has been called to Washington to shoot a promo for a car commercial doesn’t help either. I’m all alone in my house, well I have my mom but it’s different, so I have been spending my time at Vic’s. I would wake up, take care of my mom and drive straight to Vic’s, sometimes I would just sit there and watch TV but anywhere is better than being home alone. I went to Mike’s once to seek refuge, I nearly got my head chopped off by the new pregnant Bridezilla who is literally throwing things at Mike, because I stole Mike’s attention by playing FIFA in the living room while they were picking out wedding invites.

Although staying over at Vic’s has its downside too: they are just so fucking loud. I swear to God Vic and Rachel has been getting it on probably everyday and they don’t have the courtesy to keep it down, knowing I’m downstairs trying to drown out the sound.

“Don’t you have anything to do other than staying here and playing video games? Rachel’s voice yanked my attention from my phone that I was absentmindedly playing. “I love you and all Tony, but come on you can’t keep doing this” She sighed and plopped herself down on the couch next to me.

“You reek of sex”

She laughed. “Geez, jealous much?”

I just chuckled and shook my head. “I just don’t know what to do, this is why I hate taking a long time off from touring. I literally have nothing to do” I threw my head back and groaned.

“What about the store? Isn’t Jaxin manning the shop all alone?” She readjusted her position.

“Yeah, but I’m not in the mood to socialize with people. I don’t know, everything just feels wrong” I sighed, rubbed my palms against my face.

“Why don’t you go with Vic to Mike with the wedding stuff?”

“Are you insane? I almost got my ass kicked by Frenchi for being there”

“Think of something dude, seriously. This is sad” She stood up from the couch and laughed. “If I were you, I’d go pay Cassie a visit” She winked and went upstairs to her room.

I don’t even want to start thinking about Cassie; I knew I fucked up big time when I showed up at Frenchi’s party with Jessie. I think I’ve come up the point where I accepted that this thing with Cassie isn’t meant to be, I mean, if things are meant to be, they will happen right?

“Hey dude, come with me. I can’t stand you looking like a couch potato all day” said Vic as he skips down the stairs, with Rachel trailing behind him.

“Where are you going?” I said sitting up from the couch.

“To Mike’s, don’t worry. The girls are out dress shopping, we’ll be alone in the house helping him pick out a tux or some shit like that” Vic replied while putting his baseball cap on his head.

I debated with myself whether I should or shouldn’t go. I mean, Cassie isn’t there, so I don’t have to avoid any awkward encounters, but what if they come home early?

“Come on dude, are you coming or not?” Vic said again, clearly annoyed with me spacing out.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m coming” I mumbled my answer and got up, earning a clap from Rachel who was smiling wide.

“Behave boys! Try not to get killed if you run into Frenchi” She giggled and waved to both of us.

Yeah, though running into Frenchi was the last thing on my mind, I was more worried about the probability of running into Cassie.

“Dude, you really need to snap out of it” Vic piped up in the car, on the way to Mike’s.

“What are you talking about?” I raised my eyebrows, pretending to be confused.

“Come on, don’t play that with me. Don’t get me wrong here, I love you, in a very manly way of course,” We both chuckled, “but you’re kind of being an ass to Cassie”

“Me? Being an ass?”

“You’re totally leading her on man, seriously. Everybody, and I literally mean EVERYBODY knows how you both feel about each other and we’re just thinking that you’re wasting your time with Jessie”

“She’s a really nice girl, Vic”

“I know. I know she’s a nice girl but you don’t love her. At least not like the way you love Cassie”

I bit my lip and stayed quiet, cause I knew Vic was talking the truth.

“Hey man, I’m not trying to tell you how to live your life. I’m just telling you that everything has its shelf life, including Cassie. She’s not going to wait for you forever”

“Yeah, but I screwed up. She won’t talk to me because she thought I’ve made up my mind about Jessie”

“Well, have you?” Vic inquired again.

“I don’t know, honestly I don’t know. I know I’m class ‘A’ douchebag for saying this… but I want them both”

Vic laughed at what I said, “yeah, you are a douchebag. But I get it, I guess. Remember when I had to choose between Cara and Rachel?”

“Yeah, how’d you get out of that whole mess?”

“I just thought that if I really loved Cara, I wouldn’t be in that situation, having to make a decision between two girls. I realized that I might have loved Cara, but not as much as I loved Rachel”

“I just don’t want to hurt Jessie by just breaking up with her” I sighed and leaned back against the headrest.

“So you would rather hurt your best friend instead?” Vic paused, then continued when I didn’t give an answer. “Think about it man”





“Dude, this is so fucking overwhelming. I swear I’m going to pass out any second now” Frenchi was holding her stomach and breathing heavily.

“What?!” I squeaked, “are you serious? Do you need to sit down or something?” I held both her arms and bombarded her with questions.

“No you dipshit, I was exaggerating. I never thought browsing for wedding dresses would be this tiring” She let out an exasperated sigh.

“Geez I was worried you were LITERALLY going to pass out. Don’t freak me out like that again, please?”

“Alright! Jesus, do you need to sit down? Mom?” She rolled her eyes and went back to scan the racks of wedding dresses.

“What are you looking for anyway?” I ignored her snarky remark, as I was getting used to it.

“Definitely not something strapless, cause that would make me look even fatter than before. Also something with an empire waist, so it can fit my gigantic belly by then”

I nodded and went to help her to find the dress that she could possibly like when Frenchi’s phone rang.

“Hey baby, what’s up?” I looked over and she was smiling to the phone. I looked back to the rack and continued browsing through what seemed like and endless stream of white puffy wedding dresses.

“I’m just picking out dresses and browsing for the girls’ stuff, what are you guys doing?” She said again to the phone.

“Alright, have fun and try not to wreck the house” She laughed and then said her goodbyes. She tossed her phone into her purse and walked up to me, joining me in the search.

“That was Mike, Tony and Vic are in the house,” She said eyeing me carefully.

“And that’s important because?” I said still keeping my eyes on the dresses.

“I don’t know, do you want to talk about it?” Frenchi turned to my side and put her hands on her hips.

I sighed. “There’s nothing to talk about, really. He made up his mind, I’m trying to move on”

“Are you sure? I mean, I know you’re still in love with him”

“Yes, I’m positive. It doesn’t matter whether I’m in love with him or not, the fact that he doesn’t want me, that matters”

“He does, he’s just… stupid” Frenchi sighed, then grabbed my arm. “You know I’m on your side, right?”

I turned to her and smiled. “I know” I gave her a hug and quickly let go before things gets odd.

“Alright, let’s get back to business” She put her serious face on and began browsing the other racks.

After nearly 45 minutes, we both collapsed on the couch at the boutique, feeling exhausted and tired.

“Can I offer you my help now?” The store clerk, whom Frenchi harshly shooed away, stood in front of us with a sympathetic look.

“Yes! Oh my God, please” I stood up and ignored Frenchi who kept saying ‘no’. “Just ignore her, she’s pregnant and rude,” I muttered to her quietly. She smiled and nodded understandingly.

“If I may suggest. Since you are pregnant, we should find something that is slimming for your body and definitely not strapless” She said, offering her hand out to help Frenchi get on her feet.

“That’s exactly what I said! Do you have something that could make a pregnant whale look pretty?” Frenchi whined and the store clerk smiled.

“I think I have just the thing” She escorted us into another part of the store, and pulled out one rack with probably 8-9 dresses hanging.

“We just got these a few days ago, I’m not even supposed to put them out yet” She smiled and Frenchi automatically grinned.

“Wow, these are amazing” Frenchi whispered in awe as she browsed through the rack. “Oh my God!” She exclaimed and then pulled out a dress from the rack.

“Try it on!” I practically yelled at her in excitement. Frenchi shot me a wide grin and went to try the dress in the dressing room.

A few moments later, she reemerges from the dressing room with the biggest smile I have ever seen in my entire life. “How’d I look?”

I stared at her in awe, I seriously swear that the dress she picked out was practically meant for her pregnant being. “It’s… it’s beautiful French, you look amazing” I said smiling.

“Really? Do I look fat in this dress?” She turned around, this time with a serious look on her face. I chuckled and shook my head.

“It’s perfect, French”

“Do you think I should get it or should I keep looking?” She twirled and spun around in front of the mirror.

“Honestly, I don’t think you’re going to find anything better than this. This dress is practically made for you”

“I agree” The store clerk pipes up.

“Wait, can you take a picture of this? I want to send it to my mom” I rummaged through Frenchi’s purse and grabbed her phone. I took snap a few shots of the wedding dress in different angles for her mom to see. She was supposed to come to the dress hunting today, but at the last minute she has to cancel because she was called in for work.

“Alright, I’m getting this one” She turned around and shot me a huge grin. “But can I keep the dress here? I swear Mike keeps putting his nose where it doesn’t belong” She rolled her eyes and the clerk nodded. She took the dress from Frenchi and set it on the cashier.

“I still need shoes!” Frenchi practically yelled and everybody in the store stared at her. The clerk hurried back to Frenchi’s side to help her.

“What kind of shoes are you looking for?”

“I need two. One for the ceremony, and one for the party” She said in a bossy manner.

“Two? Who are you, Mariah Carey?” I rolled my eyes because she was being a total diva.

“No, I didn’t mean it like that. I want strappy heels for the ceremony and a pretty flat sandals for the party, cause I don’t think I can survive a whole day in heels, Cass” She explained.

I cocked my head to the side. “That’s a good idea actually. Yeah, find her two shoes” I said to the clerk and she scurried away, looking for options to bring to Frenchi.

As we were waiting, I figured this would be the best time to tell Frenchi about London. I knew sooner or later I’m going to have to tell someone, especially since I only have 3 days to give my answer to Sophia about the job.

“I got a job offer,” I muttered quietly, snapping Frenchi’s attention from her phone.

“What?”

“I got a job offer” I repeated my answer a little louder this time.

She shifted her body and faced my direction. “Well that’s awesome! I didn’t know you were looking for another job?”

“I wasn’t, Sophia, my boss, offered me this promotion a week ago”

“Cass? This is great! It’s about time you got a promotion!” She shook my body excitedly. “Why are you so gloomy? You don’t want the promotion?” She asked me confusedly when she realized I wasn’t as excited as she was.

“No, no. I want the promotion; it’s just… I’m going to have to move” I played with my fingers.

“What? Move?! Where?!” Frenchi furrowed her eyebrows.

“London” I muttered my answer quietly, honestly scared of what Frenchi would do in reaction.

“WHAT?!” She yelled, “London as in London, UK? As in Europe? As in half way around the world?!” She yelled,

I cringed and stayed quiet. “And you waited a week to tell me this?” She punched me lightly in the arm. “ I hate you”

“Oh come on, I was still figuring out what to do! I didn’t know whether I want to take the job or not, that’s why I didn’t want to tell you ‘cause I don’t want to make a big deal out of this”

“Wait, so you’ve made up your mind about this?”

“I don’t know, I think so. I mean, I spent most of my life doing things for other people, I think it’s time for me to do something for my own”

Frenchi sighed and stared off into space, then suddenly she looked at me with a smile. “Go for it”

“Huh?”

“Go for it, accept the offer. London is a great opportunity and if I know you like I know I do, you’re going to kick ass on that job”

“Really?” I looked at her, she was still smiling at me.

“Yes, positive. Just promise me one thing though, if you forget about me, I’m literally going to go there, track you down and run you over with a car”

I burst into laughter and gave her a tight hug. “Thanks French, I literally don’t know what to do without you”

“Duh” She said standing up slowly, as the store clerk came over with boxes of shoes for Frenchi to choose from.

They began chattering away and I stepped out of the boutique, I took out my phone from my pocket and dialed a number I’ve been dreading to call this past week.

“Hello?”

“Hi Sophia, it’s Cassie” I paused.

“Oh, hi Cassie. What can I do for you today?” Sophia greeted warmly.

I let out a sigh.

“I’m calling about the London job, I’m going to take it”