One Hundred Sleepless Nights

7 DAYS TO LONDON



Today is a big day. It’s the day I was announcing my departure to my best friends and the worst part about this whole thing is that I couldn’t really count Tony as a part of my ‘best friends’. Jaime asked whether or not he should bring Tony, I didn’t have a choice but to say yes because it would be selfish of me to just leave without saying goodbye, although it would be better for me to do that.

I was slaving myself away in the kitchen, preparing lunch for the guys. I decided to just have lunch instead of an all out party so it will be more intimate and I chose to have the lunch at my place because I realized that we haven’t actually spend time together in my apartment.

“Do you need help?” Rachel called from the living room with her eyes still glued to her phone.

“Nope, I’m all good. I just need to put them in the oven to keep the food warm. When’s Vic coming?” The rest of the guys and girls are coming later and for some odd reason, Rachel showed up in my apartment this morning bearing coffee and bagels from Starbucks, and when I asked her why; she said “Just because”.

“He’ll be here in 5 minutes, he was picking up everyone” She chuckled and stood up to join me in the kitchen.

“So, why are we having lunch here?” Rachel asked as she poured a glass of wine for herself.

“I… uh, it’s a thing I need to do. You’ll find out soon” I winked. In exactly 7 days I will be boarding on a plane to London, starting a new life with a new job, new surroundings and new people. I don’t know if I’m calm because I was ready or because it hasn’t hit me yet, but I’m pretty calm about the whole thing. I almost felt eager to leave and start over, though the thought always made me feel guilty.

“You’re not pregnant are you?” Rachel snapped me back to reality with her squinty stare as if she was trying to figure me out.

“No! Geez, why do people always assume I’m pregnant? Am I fat?!” I crossed my arm and gave her a glare.

She laughed. “If you’re fat then what the hell am I?”

“Oh stop it, you’re not fat!” I waved my arm in front of her face, dismissing her remark.

“So are you!”

Our argument was cut short by the sound of the door flinging open and someone yelling my name. We decided to invite everyone, because even though I wasn’t part of the band, we were very much like family. So, the guys were here plus a few of the crews and their respective wives or girlfriends.

“Where’s Tony?” Rachel asked confusedly, I cant lie that it didn’t hurt when he didn’t show up, but I really don’t expect much from the guy who chewed me up and spit me out when he was done.

“He didn’t reply any of our messages and nobody answered the door. I figured he’s out” Vic answered as he threw himself onto the couch, next to Mike and Casey.

Jaime and Avela turned their attention to me and both of them gave me a look that I’ve always hated. Pity.

“Well, I’m going to get the food ready. Girls, come and help me” I called out and the girls all followed me into the kitchen. Well, except for Frenchi, since she’s getting big we figured it’d be too crowded and dangerous for her to be in the kitchen, but I knew that the rest of the girls were just scared that Frenchi might start snapping again.

I made shit ton of food for everybody, a mix of Italian and Mexican food with a classic American dessert. Avela and Rachel were reheating the pasta and the sauces while Mal, Casey’s wife and I went to prepare the rice and the burritos. As we were preparing the food, I couldn’t help but to let my mind wander to Tony and the possibilities of the things he might be doing right now, instead of being here and spend time with his best friends.

“Hey, you okay?” Mal nudged me with her elbow gently, snapping me out of my Tony filled thoughts.

“Uh, yeah. I’m fine, I’m just really tired from all the cooking” I gave her a smile, which I was glad that Mal bought.

“Didn’t Rachel help?”

“Psh, she was too busy with her phone to even move a muscle” I scoffed and we both laughed.

The lunch started great, we were having fun and there were lots of laughter. It almost made me forgot the reason that we were gathered in my crammy little apartment. I didn’t say much during lunch; I was too occupied with my own thoughts to even keep up with the conversation Casey and Jaime were throwing. The last I listened was their debate on who is the better guitar player: Slayer or Jimi Hendrix.

“Hello? Earth to Cassandra Hayes?” I was yanked back into reality when I saw Jaime waving his hand in front of my face, trying to get my attention.

“Yeah? Sorry I was thinking about something” I shook my head and quickly smiled.

“I was just wondering if you would like to say something? Or do you have something to share?” Jaime raised his eyebrows, signaling me to start talking about London.

I rolled my eyes and groaned inwardly. “Uh yeah, well it’s actually the reason I called y’all here today. I’ve got a couple of news to share with you guys” I paused to take a deep breath and smiled nervously.

Jaime grabbed my hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze and nodding, telling me to go on and that everything will be all right. Everybody was staring at me, they were all waiting for me to talk but I just can’t seem to find my voice. I felt like crying and running away so I don’t have to do this.

“You okay, Cass? You don’t look so good?” Casey voiced out his concern, worry was etched clearly on his face.

“I’m fine, sorry” I shook my head and smile. Jaime’s hand was still gripping my wrist gently, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before putting on the best mask I could possibly do. After all, this was supposed to be a happy thing for me.

“I’m moving to London,” I said with a nervous smile and in seconds, I can feel the room overflowing with tension.

“What?” Vic asked with his eyes popping out and his eyebrows rose.

“I, uh, I got promoted at work and this promotion requires me to move to their London office”

“Shit, London? That’s… That’s awesome Cass, congratulations” Casey stood up and walked over to where I was standing and gave me a hug. It seems that what Casey did brought everybody out of their trance and soon I was overwhelmed by hugs and congratulations were being thrown.

Vic and Mike still had ‘surprise’ written all over their faces, I assume that me moving to London was nowhere near anything they were expecting. Jaime had a smile plastered on his face, and he kept saying how proud he was of me.

“So, when are you leaving?” Mike spoke for the first time since I dropped the news.

“Next week, and I was hoping you guys would be there to see me off?” I bit my lip because the moment I said ‘next week’, Mike’s face went from surprised to upset.

“Next week? What the fuck, Cassie? You’re moving to another fucking continent and you’re only giving us a week to spend time with you?” Mike stood up, throwing his napkin harshly onto the table.

Frenchi stood up trying to calm her husband down, but it was no use. Mike was mad and he made it very clear.

“I figured saying goodbye is like ripping off a bandage, you know? The faster, the better?” I said quietly.

“You’re our friend, Cassie. That’s not how it works, how the hell are you going to manage time between packing and all that shit with us?”

“I’ve got everything all set by the company, I just need to pack up and leave. Don’t be mad at me, Mike, please. This is a great opportunity for me and I wish you all can be happy for me” I manage to choke it out without tears falling from my face.

“It’s not that I’m mad at you leaving. I’m ecstatic!” Mike walked over to where I was standing gave me a one-armed hug. “I’m upset that it took you this long to tell us, leaving us with only one fucking week left”

“I’m sorry,” I began crying into Mike’s chest. I looked around the table, Vic and Rachel were still shocked, Avela and Jaime were smiling at the sight of Mike and I hugging while Frenchi and Mal cried silently.

I let Mike go and wiped the tears on my face before letting out a chuckle. “Why are you two crying?”

“You two are so sweet, it’s disgusting” Frenchi chuckled and wiped her own tears.

“I know it’s really sudden, I’ve just decided to take the job before the wedding and I was waiting until the wedding hyped had died down to finally tell you guys. I’m so sorry” I said facing everybody with Mike still has one arm around me.

“It’s okay, I don’t want you to feel like we’re not supporting you, we do. It’s just, you suck for telling us so close to the date” Mike mumbled and I hugged him again.

“Okay, now we got the news outta the way, its party planning time!” Jaime exclaimed and stood up excitedly, startling everybody in the process.

“Party?” Rachel asked with her eyebrows raised.

“Cassie’s farewell party!” Jaime yelled again. Seriously, my apartment is really small!

“Shouldn’t you be throwing a farewell party without Cassie knowing? Like a surprise party” Vic added, rolling his eyes.

“Well she only has a week left, there’s no time for surprises” Jaime rolled his eyes.

“Whatever, I’m getting the dessert, you guys can plan without me ‘knowing,’” I said in air quotes.

“I’ll help” Vic stood up and walked to the kitchen with me. I took the apple pie out from the oven and Vic went to get the vanilla ice cream form the fridge. I was cutting them into slices when he came to my side and began staring at me.

“You’re going to burn a hole through my face, Fuentes,” I said casually, not taking my eyes off the pie.

“You’re not leaving because of Tony are you?” He asked bluntly, taking me by surprise. I turned to face him and he was looking at me with nothing but seriousness in his face.

“Of course not, why would you think that?” I shrugged casually, not dropping any hints.

“I know something happened at the wedding. I don’t know what it is, but something happened. I just don’t want you to feel bad about whatever happened that you feel the need to move away,” He said, not taking his gaze away from my face.

I sighed, putting the knife down.

“I would never do that. You know me Vic, I’m tough” I smiled went back to cutting slices of pie.

“I know, I just don’t want you to go, honestly” He rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

Vic and I aren’t the closest one if you can’t tell already, so it came as a surprise that he would feel this way about my move, considering we don’t really talk that much.

“I’m sorry, Vic. I really am, but I feel like this is going to be a great thing for me, you know? I felt like I’ve done so much for other people and not enough for me. Not that I regret it, but I just want to do this for me” I gave him a weak smile, hoping that he would get where I was coming from.

“No, no. I totally get it; it’s just a selfish thing of me to say. I hate losing friends”

“You’re not losing me! Ho ho, you’re not getting rid of me that easily Fuentes. You will definitely need to start making UK tour dates though, or I might feel abandoned by my best friends” I faked pouted and Vic leaned forward to give me a hug.

After that heart-to-heart convo with Vic, we brought the dessert to the table and needless to say, they devoured it in less than 10 minutes. I didn’t realize that this whole thing had given me so much tension until I felt a million times more relaxed now that I told everyone about London. I manage to throw Tony out of my mind for the day and for the firs time in a week; I was okay.

I was okay.





“Babe hurry up! We’re going to miss the flight!” I heard Jessie yelled from downstairs.

“Hold on! I’m looking for my shoes!” I shouted back, pacing back and forth trying to find my black worn out Vans.

Jessie got the New York gig last week and just as she wanted, she was chosen to do the Maldives shoot as well. At first I felt hesitant in going on a vacation with Jessie for a week but I felt like this is what I needed. I needed to be more attached to Jessie and less to Cassie. I shut off my phone today, not wanting any unnecessary distractions from the guys. I thought about telling them about Maldives once I was close to boarding the plane, so they can’t talk me out of going.

It’s selfish for me, but what the hell.

I walked down the stairs with my backpack and saw Jessie standing in the living room with her hands on her waist, glaring at me as I reached the bottom step.

“I swear you take forever to get ready,” She pouted and I couldn’t help but to notice how pretty she is. I pecked her cheek quickly, not wiping the grin off my face.

“Sorry, now shall we?” I said grabbing her hand and walking out of the house.

Since I’ll be leaving for a week, I was worried about who’ll take care of my mom. I told her about my plans and even though she doesn’t seem on board with the whole thing, she said it was okay for me to go. She went to my cousin’s yesterday and my aunt will be taking care of her.

I locked the door behind me and got into the cab. Maldives, here we come.