Passenger Seat

I woke up to a text from Eleanor saying there was breakfast in the suit down the hall. I got up, taking a quick shower before dressing and making my way down the hall.

Louis answered when I knocked, “Morning love.”

“Morning,” I mumbled as I walked in the room, sitting at the long table eating. Everyone except Niall was there.

“Niall’s still passed out,” Harry said around a mouth full of bacon.

Everyone got quiet after he said that, exchanging confused glances, “Wouldn’t she already know that…?” Zayn asked.

I grabbed a plate from the food cart and started loading it with food, “I changed rooms with Harry last night.”

“Why?” Dani asked.

“Niall was being a drunken twat,” Harry answered for me. I nodded at him in approval as I sat at the end of the table next to Liam.

“I have so many questions, but I don’t think I wanna know,” Louis said, pushing his empty plate away from him.

I shook my head, “Don’t worry about it. It’s not that bad, he just wanted a fight I think,” I brushed off, leaving the Demi part out of it. I just didn’t want to think about last night. Dani and El gave me curious looks before turning back to their breakfast. We all went back to eating and I listened as everyone talked about their night.

That is until Louis checked his phone, “There is a huge shit storm on twitter right now.” He looked annoyed.

Liam sighed, “About what?”

Louis shot an uneasy glance at me, “Uh…”

I rolled my eyes, “It’s about me?”

He nodded, “Yes. And Harry. Oh and your modeling pictures.”

“What?” Everyone said in unison, including me.

Louis scrolled away at his phone, “Well your topless modeling pictures have apparently come out which these twats obviously don’t know a thing about fashion. And there are pictures of you and Harry coming back to the hotel last night and you’re wearing his jacket so people are blowing it out of proportion.”

I groaned, “How lovely,” I deadpanned.

Zayn leaned over to look at Louis shoulder, “What’s the problem with the modeling pictures? No nip slip.”

Despite the situation I had trouble holding back my laughter, “Yeah, I like to keep it classy.”

“Just ignore internet rumors and that bullshit,” Dani said, “People are never happy.”

Eleanor grabbed at Louis phone, “Daaaaang mama. You look so good in this one!” She turned the phone to I could see. It was the one where I was covering myself with my arms across my chest, and leaning into Matt’s. “And that guy is fit as hell!” She said looking back at the picture.

“Oi, it’s not like I’m not here or anything,” Louis snapped.

His girlfriend rolled her eyes, “Who is this guy?”

“His name’s Matt. He’s of of the regular Drop Dead models.”

The phone was passed around the table then, against my protests. Even though I was hearing nothing but positive comments I was still embarrassed. I don’t know why, but the whole “model” thing just wasn’t sitting all that well with me. I liked it, but I was too awkward.

As I was finishing my breakfast, Harry slipped his room key over to me, “You should go talk to him.” I met his eyes briefly before nodding and grabbing the key.

I sat there for a few more minutes as everyone got up to go figure out what to do with their day off. I was buying some time. I wasn’t sure how to go about talking to Niall. For one, I couldn’t even pinpoint if I was mad (well alright, I was a bit angry), or what I was supposed to be mad at. I kind of just wanted an explanation.

After a few moments of trying to collect my thoughts to no avail, I finally got up. As I passed Harry on our way out I gave him back his room key, “Thanks for switching. I meant it when I said I owe you.”

He shrugged, “No problem, what are friends for?” he nudged his shoulder to mine. “He was a wanker last night even to me, so I wouldn’t take his anger too personally. Sometimes alcohol makes Ni an abominable twat.”

I nodded as we stood in the hallway, “I’ll try and keep that in mind. I’ll see you later yeah?”

“Good luck.”

I nodded as I turned to head towards the lifts, “Thanks.”

“Where you going?”

“To get the Irish some headache meds in case he has a hangover.”

Harry chuckled, “You’re too good for him.”

I shrugged and headed down to the lobby.

*****

When I walked into the hotel room, he was still asleep. I shut the door softly to not disturb him and leaned against it. He looked so peaceful right then- lying on his back, shirtless with the sheet pushed down to his hips. One arm lying across the bed while the other covered his eyes. Seeing him, I wasn’t mad anymore. I didn’t want to be. Yes I still wanted to know what the fuck was up with him last night, but I just… didn’t want to yell or fight or be mad. I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to feel or not feel and all in all, I was just a mess of confusion. Part of me was telling myself to be mad, that I had every right to be angry. But the other part just wanted to forget about the Demi thing and forget that he was a twat when he came in drunk. Just start over.

I sighed before pushing off the door and slowly walking across the room. I softly crawled onto the bed and laid myself next to him, using his arm that was lying across the mattress as a pillow. He smelled like booze, sweat and Niall. My Niall. Just as I got myself comfortable, he shifted in his sleep, rolling over and pulling me into his chest. He sighed contently as he buried his face in my neck. For a second, I thought he was awake, but his breathing was deep and even just as it had been since I walked in.

Was this a weird sign or something? The fact that he just seemed to know I was next to him in his sleep that he latched on to me? Or did he do this to Harry all night too? I was flooded with so much emotion then, in his arms. I wanted to laugh because I was just happy to be near him. I wanted to scream because there was a part of me that didn’t want to let last night go. I also wanted to cry because even though I always felt so safe in his arms, what if I was losing him? What if last night was him realizing that he still wanted Demi?

That. That thought right there was what plagued me all night as I tossed and turned in bed in the hotel room across the hall. My chest hurt at the thought.

I tried to push it from my mind as I reached up and started running my fingers through his bottle blond hair.

I guess that was enough to wake him. He did it slowly though, I noticed his breathing start to change, and his arms tightened around me like he was trying to hold on to the last moments of a dream.

“Ayd,” he said softly into my neck.

I sighed, “Yeah.”

He pulled his face away so we were face to face on his pillow, “When’d you come back?” his eyes were still full of sleep.

“Like 15 minutes ago,” I paused, not sure what to say, “I brought you some Tylenol in case you had a headache,” I bit my lip.

“Please don’t do that to me,” he said as he reached up and pulled my chin down lightly so my lip fell from between my teeth. “You only bite your lip when you’re nervous or scared and I can’t bear to see you look at me like that.”

I looked away from him, turning my gaze to his chest, “Sorry.”

He sighed and rolled onto his back, running a hand over his face, “I think if anyone should be sorry it’s me. I don’t know why I was so angry last night. I think the vodka didn’t sit well with me.”

I didn’t know what to say. There were so many things I wanted, no, needed to say but nothing came out. I rolled onto my back as well, starting up at the ceiling. We weren’t touching now, and part of me wanted nothing more than to close the gap again but I didn’t.

We stayed like that for a few moments before I finally found my voice, “I don’t care that you came home angry,” I said softly. “I don’t want to fight about that- I don’t want to fight at all. I just…” I sighed, trying not to lose my drive, “I just want to know what happened last night. With Demi.”

He sat up slowly then and stared down at me, “Are you asking if I cheated on you?” his face was in disbelief, and showed some hurt even.

I sat up as well, but turned my gaze down to my hands. I don’t know why, but I was having trouble meeting his gaze, “No. Not exactly. I just need to know what’s going on with you two.” I finally looked up at him. He looked like he wanted to say something, but I continued, “I saw the way you looked at her at the VMA’s, and the way she reacted to you. Then at the party, you took off and never came back and when I did find you, you were with her by the pool. That hurt me Niall. It was bad enough you didn’t even bother to introduce me, but you blew me off for her. I’ve neverdone that to you with anyone. If I did that to you with Josh you would have been livid.”

He looked away from me, ashamed. I was hurt that he felt ashamed for something, but the little bitch in me was joyous. That’s right you feel guilty for blowing me off for your ex! I pushed that side of me deep down and away.

“I don’t know what happened. I saw her and it was like, I don’t know, I was excited to see her. I haven’t seen her or even talked to here in so long, and then there she was. But I didn’t look at her differently, at least I don’t think I did.” He locked eyes with me again, “And at the party I tried to find you guys but you weren’t where I left you. I wondered around looking for you before I just gave up, deciding you were probably having a good time. Then I ran into Demi in the backyard and we just talked. We talked about you. The whole time I talked about how in love with you I was and she told me she was happy for me.” He reached for one of my hands, looking down at them as he played with my fingers, “I didn’t talk to her for longer than probably 20 minutes before Louis and El came along with more alcohol. Then later when I couldn’t find you I was angry. Mostly at myself for losing you in the first place. I tried calling you but your phone was off which just worried me more. But then I found you in here and I turned my anger on you because I was drunk and mad that you didn’t tell me you were leaving, and worrying me for no reason.”

I sat there letting his words sink in. I felt like, well I felt angry at myself and Niall both. We both didn’t try hard enough to stay connected last night, physically and mentally it seems.

“I love you Ayden,” he said after a few moments of me still not saying anything. “More than I ever thought possible to love someone. And I’m sorry if I made you feel terrible because of another girl. No one compares to you, no one. There is no one else I think about more than you. I should have introduced you to Demi, but it never occurred to me that you would want to meet her. We aren’t close like you and Josh are. But if you want to meet her, I’ll call her right now and we can-”

“Niall, shut up,” I interrupted his rambling. “I’m sorry too, yeah? I jumped to conclusions and, I can’t believe I’m admitting this, but maybe part of me was jealous which caused me to read into things. Can we just put this behind us?” I grabbed his hand tightly to mine as I kept our eyes locked.

He reached up with his free hand and caressed my cheek, “Of course.” He leaned over and kissed my forehead, “I really want to kiss you, but I think I threw up last night.”

I snorted out a laugh, “Maybe you should shower.”

“Will you be here when I come out?”

“Where else would I be on my last day with you?”

He winced at my words, “Another week without you. And after such a shit night.” I just shrugged in response. “I’ll take a quick shower and we can figure out something to do.”

I nodded and fell back into the bed as he went into the bathroom. I was so glad we talked through that so easily. Everything about being with him seemed to be easy. Well except for the media, angry fans, and the distance. The look he gave his ex still nagged at me though. I couldn’t have been seeing things, Harry had seen it too. But for now I was just going to let it go indefinitely.

*****

We spent my last day in LA in the hotel room. Niall tried to persuade me to go out sightseeing, but that meant I’d have to share him with the fans we’d inevitably run into, and I didn’t want to share him on my last day here.

We watched movies, and ordered room service and I told him about the love triangle people thought we were in with Harry, which caused him to laugh uncontrollably.

We also had sex. Long, embarrassingly passionate sex. Desire was a renewable source, you can’t give enough. You can’t even get enough. When you love each other it’s like a circle. There were countless ‘I love yous.’ Over and over again. Said it, sighed it, whispered it. Then one of us would tell the other to shut up and they shut up or giggled. We communicated in other ways too. Through heart beats, I could understand his sighs and moans. And he mine.

We were a mess of tangled sheets and limbs and even out positions was a contradictions. Like when he pinned my wrists to the pillow and put all of his weight on me, I felt like I could float.

It was unlike any of the sex we’d ever had up until this point and we couldn’t get enough.

We were eventually coaxed out of the room to have dinner with everyone since us ‘girlfriends’ were leaving at 5am the next morning. We all got slit up into two SUV’s and went to a sushi place. We were hounded by fans getting outside of the hotel, and paparazzi followed us to the restaurant, but no one said anything hurtful, which I was thankful for. I was a bit worried someone might since all the shit on the internet this morning. It was so surreal that this was a part of my life now.

Having dinner with everyone was a lot of fun. I’ve really grown attached to these people that I met about 5 months ago. It was crazy how I’ve been really hanging out with Niall for like, 6 months now. It felt like longer, but I guess that might be because I’ve known him for a few years through his frequent bakery visits. It didn’t take long at all for me to fall in love with him. That terrified me almost as much as it made me happy.

Niall, and his bands mates, were such an easy crowd to like and get along with, and I was so grateful that they let me in with open arms.

I didn’t want to leave. For all the reasons I’ve said, and sadly, because I was still bothered by the Demi thing. No matter how hard I’ve tried to push it out of my mind today, it still nagged at me. I really just needed to get Blue’s opinion on everything I think. She was always good at talking some sense into me.

It was bitter sweet to have to say goodbye to the boy I loved at another airport, but it was something it was going to have to start getting used to.
At least this time it was just 8 days.