Passenger Seat

The whole drive to pick up Niall before the concert I was a nervous wreck. This was the first time Blue was going to properly meet him, outside of the bakery once or twice, and I was worried she wouldn’t like him. Her opinion meant everything to me and if she didn’t like him, well… I don’t know what I would do. Especially know that I knew I really liked kissing him.

“You’re being so twitchy right now,” Blue commented from the passenger seat.

I took a deep breath trying to calm myself. Something I’ve been trying to do since we got in the car, “I know, I just really want you to like him.”

She gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze, “Relax Ayd, I’m sure I will. He’s always cool when he comes in the bakery, so I’m sure it’ll be fun hanging out with him tonight. Plus, if you see something awesome in him, I’m sure I will too.”

I nodded, “I just… I think I could really like him, and that kind of freaks me out a bit. So I’m just going to really need you I think.”

She laughed lightly, “I’m so glad you’re finally admitting that.”

“Shut it.”

We were quiet for a moment before Blue broke the silence, “So, I found something out last night.”

“That’s vague.”

She sighed, “Max said they’re playing a new song tonight,” she continued.

I glanced over at her, “So? That’s good right?”

“He said it was about you.”

My heard skipped a beat. But not in a good way, “Uh… is it a bad song?”

She shrugged, “I don’t know, he didn’t say. Just said that Josh had been working on one, and wanted to play it tonight.”

I wasn’t completely surprised to hear he wrote a song. I don’t want to sound conceited by saying that, but Josh wrote about what he knew, what he goes through. I was just worried what the song was about. Especially with Niall around.

I sighed, “Well… I guess I’ll just have to deal.”

“I’m sure it’s not a horrible song. You and Josh are friends, he wouldn’t do that too you.”

I was hoping she was right, and I actually thought she was. It’s just hard to know what Josh is thinking most of the time.

Here’s the thing about Josh; He hides his feelings well, and then writes about them. It wasn’t him trying to be a wanker, it was just how he coped with things. It was his therapy.

Like the few times we had encountered his ex Hanna, he was nothing but gentlemanly to her. But if you listened to the record he wrote after they broke up, you’d know how much she hurt him.

So forgive me for being on edge when Blue tells me he wrote a song. When he said he was okay with being just friends, I hope he was telling the truth.

“Either way, this night just got more nerve wracking for me. Unless the song is about our ‘awesome friendship,’ it’s going to be awkward. And Niall is going to witness it.”

“Hey, Niall knows you and Josh have a pass. I’m sure he knows what he’s walking into. He’s a musician too, he gets it.”

“I hope so.”

The rest of the drive to Niall’s was quiet, save for us singing along to The Maine.

When we pulled up to his building, there were about 15 photographers mulling around. I guess since it was still light outside they camp out waiting for the boys, “Are these leeches always here?” Blue sneered.

I shrugged, “I’ve only had to walk through them once. They must only hang out here during normal hours. I don’t usually encounter them when I pick him up for drives though.” I said as I texted Niall we were waiting.

“It’s weird. And they’re staring at us and I think a few took our picture,” She glanced at me, “Okay, I knew celebrities deal with this, but I didn’t think it was this ridiculous.”

“Yeah, I told you. It’s why I haven’t gone out in public with him during the day. But that’s about to change,” I said as I saw him exit his building. The photographers started going nuts, snapping pictures and shouting things at him.

As he jumped into the car Blue and I tried to shield out faces. As soon as he shut the door, I was driving. I wanted to get away from them as fast as possible.

“I’m so sorry,” was the first thing out of Niall’s mouth, “I forgot to warn you that they are always out there waiting.”

I glanced at him through the rearview window, trying to hide my uneasiness with a smile, “It’s alright, not your fault really.”

Blue careened her whole body around to face him, “Hey Mr. Pop Star, I’m Blue. Ayden’s best friend. Sister, if you will. Therapist most days. Go-to, head bitch in her life.” I rolled my eyes at her last comment, “It’s nice to finally meet you, outside of the bakery.”

He laughed, “Please, call me Niall. ‘Mr. Pop Star’ is too formal for friends. Unless I can call you ‘Head Bitch,’” he joked.

Blue smirked in my direction, “He’s cheeky, I like it.” She turned back to the blond in the backseat, “So Irish, tell me about yourself.”

And that was how the drive to the venue went. Niall answering any and all questions that Blue asked. It was a bit like an interrogation, but Niall was holding his own.

When we got to the venue, I drove around back to park by the tour buses behind the gate.

When we got out Niall looked on edge. When I gave him a questioning look he nodded to the gate, “A few of them must have followed us. I’m sorry.” There were a few cars outside of the gate, and photographers hanging out of the windows snapping pictures of us.

“Well thank god I look cute tonight,” Blue said as she started leading the way into the venue. “I hope they got my good side.”

As soon as we entered the building, Niall seemed to relax more. We followed slowly behind Blue as we made our way through the maze of hallways, flashing our passes when needed, looking for the boys.

“D’you think I passed her test?” Niall whispered to me gesturing to the back of my best friend.

I smiled warmly at him, “Sorry about her. We’re over protective of each other, so all new people get the third degree,” I grasped his hand reassuringly for a second before letting it go again. “I did it to Max when they first started dating too.”

“It’s amazing how close you guys are.”

I shrugged, “I don’t really let a lot of people in so easily. I don’t have a whole lot of friends, just people I’m close with that I consider family.”

He nodded, “I totally get that. Trust me.” When he said that I realized how hard it must be for him to find and keep people in his life that liked him for him and not just the fame. It’s a wonder why he took a gamble on me, I’d have to ask him sometime.

We turned into a room, following after Blue and found all of You Me At Six lounging around. Dan was shirtless on the couch practice drumming on his thighs. Chris and Matt were tuning their instruments and Josh and Max we over by a table of snacks talking casually.

But when we all walked in the attention was us.

“Hey guys,” Blue announced making a B-line over to her boyfriend. Josh caught my eye for a moment, sending me a soft smile before looking to Niall next to me.

Dan jumped up and pulled me into a massive hug, “Where have you been Ayden? I haven’t seen much of you lately.”

I shrugged, smiling, “Busy mostly.” Chris and Matt came and gave me big hugs. “So, this is my friend Niall. Niall this is Dan, Chris and Matt. And the guy in a lip lock with my best friend is Max and Josh is next to him,” I introduced.

“Oh hey man,” Matt said first, “You in uh… what’s your band called… One Direction, right? Catchy tunes you got,” He said shaking his hand.

“Yeah thanks mate. I’ve been getting into your band recently, thanks to Ayden. Ya Guys are amazing.”

The other boys shook his hand, saying thanks you’s as Josh, Max and Blue made their way over.

“Niall, this lovely lad on my arm is my boyfriend Max,” Blue introduced. I watched Niall and Max exchange hello’s, trying to avoid the stare Josh was giving me.

Luckily though, as soon as Max and Niall were done, Josh turned his attention to my friend, “Hey mate, I’m Josh. Nice to meet you.”

As everyone started talking and getting to know each other Breathe Carolina came in, and we were all introduced to them.

Blue and I had to contain our fangirling around them, but we shared some embarrassing eye contact with each other a few times. Niall caught us at and tried to contain his laughter.

At one point, when everyone was sitting around and getting along, I made my way out to a bathroom. When I was in there, after I did my business, I took a moment to collect my thoughts. I was still nervous a bit, but it was just because I wanted everything to work out. I wanted my friends to like Niall. Not just because I really liked him, but because he was an amazing person and an amazing friend to me.

I also didn’t want to do anything to hurt Josh, if I was even capable of hurting him. Again, it was so hard to read him.

After spending probably too long in the bathroom, I sighed and headed back to where the band was.

When I got back, there were a few more people in there than when I left. I guess one of the local bands had come in to join the pre-show party. I spotted Blue and Niall in the middle of the room talking. I couldn’t hear what they were saying from where I was and because of how loud everyone else was, but they both had smiles on their faces and were laughing about something.

The feeling that spread through me as I watched them interact was amazing. Max and Dan turned and joined their conversation too, and I was so glad they guys were being so accepting of Niall too.

“You really like him don’t you?” I didn’t hear Josh come up beside me, but there he was.

I shrugged nonchalantly, “He’s a good friend.”

He rolled his eyes at me, with an amused smile tugging on his lips, “That’s not what I meant. You’ve got that look in your eyes.”

I scoffed at him and turned back to watch our group of friends again, “What look?”

“The look you used to give me.”

I froze when he said that. I turned back to look at him, and he was looking at our friends too. Again, I couldn’t read the look on his face. “Josh,” I sighed.

He looked back at me at me and smiled softly, “It’s fine Ayd. I told you that before. I’m fine with being friends.”

“I know, I just… I can never read you.”

He smirked, “It’s a gift.”

I rolled my eyes as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder, “You’re such a twat.”

He barked out a laugh, “That’s true. But really, he seems like a nice lad.”

I watched as Niall looked over at Josh and I. He glanced between us for a moment before he sent me a sweet smile, “He is,” I said smiling back at him.

“Just be careful, yeah?” He said dropping his arm from me. I turned back to him, “If he hurts you let me know and I’ll hurt him.”

I laughed and smacked his arm, “Sure.”

“I did come over her to talk to you about something though,” I gave him a questioning look to continue, even though I knew where he was going with this, “We’re playing a new song tonight... It’s about you.”

I sighed nodding, “Blue told me. It’s not horrible is it?” I winced.

His eyes widened with shock, “Of course not! Promise. It’s just, I wrote it after you left that day, and just poured everything into it, and the song is the result.”

“Alright,” I shrugged, “Thanks for the warning.”

*****

Everyone gathered side stage to watch the too opening local bands. They were bands I had never heard of but they had potential.

When Breathe Carolina came on I was itching to get out in the crowd and jump around. If you’ve ever seen Breathe Carolina live, you’d know how hard it is to not get in the crowd and dance, going crazy with everyone else. But I wanted to stay and enjoy it with Niall.

A few songs in, Niall pulled me against him to yell into my ear, “You can go in the crowd, I don’t mind.”

“I don’t want to leave you,” I yelled back.

He smiled down at me, and then eyed the crowd, “I’ll go with you!”

“What? Really?” I yelled excitedly at him.

He shrugged, “No one knows I’m here, no one will except it’s me. Let’s go!”

We made our way out to the crowd right as they started playing I.D.G.A.F. I latched on to Niall’s hand and dragged him in the crowd. With everyone jumping around, it made it easier to weave through people.

We made it into about 6 feet from the barricade before I deemed the spot worthy. I laced my fingers with Niall, and raised them up and started jumping and singing along. He started jumping with me and soon caught onto the chorus. Every time it’d hit we’d turn to each other and yell “I don’t give a fuck!” at the top of our lungs.

“This is mental!” He yelled with a huge smile on his face. I looked over at him and smiled, I don’t know what came over me then. With the look of pure enjoyment on his face, Breathe Carolina playing away on stage and people thrashing around us, I couldn’t control my actions as I grabbed his neck and smashed our lips together in a heated kiss.

When he pulled away after a short time, he looked down on me with a shocked expression before a sly smile spread across his features and leaned in for another kiss. His tongue danced with mine for a second before we pulled apart again, and started jumping around to the music again.

I had never done that with someone in a pit before. It probably wasn’t the safest thing to do either, but with Niall, I just didn’t’ care. I didn’t care what it meant, and I didn’t care who saw. All I cared about was him.

*****

After Breathe Carolina’s set, Niall and I made our way back up to backstage. We were slightly sweaty, and laughing from all the fun we’d had.

“Who knew Mr. Boy Band could hold his own in the crowd!” Blue greeted us, handing over two water bottles.

He laughed, “I surprised even myself. It was awesome though!” he said cracking open is water and downing half of it right then and there.

Blue came over and stood next to me, out of the way as You Me At Six did their preshow ritual, “I spotted that kiss by the way.”

I shot her a look to see if she was bluffing, “How the hell did you do that?”

She shrugged, “From where you guys were standing, I could see you perfectly,” she smirked.

I rolled my eyes at her and watched as the band ran out on stage. Max placed a quick kiss on Blue’s lips before following.

As they started playing Blue and I sang along to every word. After the first song I felt Niall curl his index finger around mine. I didn’t take my eyes off the sage, but a smile crept its way onto my face. I looked at him slightly from the corner of my eye, and caught him doing the same.

Blue bumped her shoulder into mine and when I looked her way she had a massive smirk on her face, glancing down at mine and Niall’s hands. Our hands stayed like that through the set.

“Alright, we’ve got 3 more songs for you!” Josh yelled, and the crowd cheered. “Now we’re going to play a band new song. And when I say that, I mean we literally just finished it. It’s about someone close to me, so it’s a real personal song.”

Blue nudged me, making it completely obvious to Niall who Josh was talking about. I glared at her before glancing at Niall who looked a bit uncomfortable.

“This songs called This Is The First Thing,” Josh said as the fist chores hit.

When he started to sing, I knew I was in trouble.

“Come a little closer, as the night gets older. Of you I grow fonder, just let my hands wander.”

Blue shot me a worried look. We weren’t sure which way this song was going to go, and even though Josh reassured me it wasn’t band, I wasn’t so sure at that moment.

And then the chorus hit.

“This is the first thing I thought, this is the last thing that I want. You were the first one I love, you were the first love I lost…

After hearing that, Niall slowly let go of my finger, and moved to put a bit of space between us. I glanced at him, but he never took his eyes off of Josh on stage.

The song didn’t get any better from there. It was like all the things Josh never said to me, he up into this song and plastered it for everyone to see. I wanted to be mad, but really I couldn’t. He’d had the decency to warn me right?

I was just worried about Niall, who had gone stiff and uncomfortable.

I raked my hand through my hair, out of nervousness. Blue grabbed my fee hand, giving me a reassuring squeeze.

*****

The drive home was just me and Niall, since Blue stayed back to go home with Max.

To say the air in the car was thick with tension would be an understatement. Niall hadn’t said much since we left the venue, so I filled the silence the only way I knew how- with music.

I was nervous to drop him off. I didn’t know what he was thinking, or what he was feeling. He just sat staring out the window, jaw locked with tension.

When I pulled up to his building, no one was out waiting to take our picture, thank god.

I was about to turn and say something but he beat me too it, “Look Ayden,” he sighed. This did sound good. He ran his hand through his hair, tugging on it slightly, “Maybe… maybe we’re getting ahead of ourselves here.”

I swallowed thickly, “What do you mean.”

“I mean,” he paused, “Maybe we should slow down whatever this is,” he said waving his hand between us.

“Is this because of the song Josh sung.”

He nodded slowly, “Yeah. And the way he looks at you. I thought you said you broke up a year ago.”

I looked away from his stare then. I didn’t want to have this conversation. I didn’t think I should have too, it happened before Niall and I even started hanging out. “Well it did end a year ago, but there were still times when we hooked up,” I said softly, completely embarrassed.

He sighed, “I like you Ayden. I really do. But I don’t want any drama.”

“I’m not trying to bring drama to your life,” I defended.

“No, I know, I just think… I just think you need to figure out this thing with Josh before we can be anything.”

I fought the urge to roll my eyes. I had figured things out with Josh. It wasn’t my fault he had to write about it, “Things with Josh are over Niall. I wouldn’t be kissing you if they weren’t. He just wrote the song, because that’s what he does. You of all people should understand that.”

He shrugged, “I saw the connection you have with him. How you react to him. I just- I just don’t want to get sucked into this just to get hurt. Figure things out, then we can talk.”

He went to open the door, “Wait, Niall-”

“Just let me go Ayd. Let’s just take a break from each other, yeah?” He didn’t really give me a chance to respond. With one last parting look, he hopped from my car and walked into his building.

I felt completely numb as I watched him go. I’m not even sure how I even got home. The next thing I knew I was sitting in my car, parked in my parking spot.

Then slowly, without warning, a tear fell down my cheek. I scrapped it away quickly, refusing to cry
.
I dug out my phone and called the one person who could help me.

“Ayden? We just parted ways, what-”

I cut her off, “Blue, I need you,” I choked out. I could feel more tears building in my eyes.

There was a short pause before I heard her tell Max to turn around, “I’ll be right there.”