Picking Up the Pieces

Tony and I hadn’t spoken since our little....dispute....last night. We had carefully and awkwardly managed to avoid each other for the better part of the day, but I knew we’d have to talk eventually.

I sat backstage on top of an empty box while the band did their thing. We were in Las Vegas today, and the boys had been buzzing with excitement all day long. Tonight would be our first official party of the tour, and it was sure to be huge. I don’t know how they have enough energy to play a show and then party all night and do the same thing every day.

The song they were playing came to an end and I saw Tony approach the microphone and gulp nervously. That’s weird. Tony doesn’t sing....

“Uh, this next song’s our last song of the night. It’s called Props and Mayhem,” he said. “It goes out to Zoe. If you’re listening...I’m sorry.” He backed away and nodded at Vic, who took his place at the mike again.

Tony started the song on guitar, soon Mike, Jaime and Vic followed.

Self medicate,
While they sleep, we let the night chase evil things away,
And we're like animals, homesick from shows,
We gotta kill everything before the night gets wasted

Maybe it seems so strange
But we don't even stress at all
'Cause we've got poisons in our well...

Vic raised his fist and let the crowd sing the bridge.

Come at me with everything you’ve got.

Burst into flames, scream in the dark.
I'm gonna light up this place,
And die in beautiful stars tonight

Does it even make a difference?
When I'm sober, I feel pain
'Cause we run under the stars through cemetery backyards,
Celebrate the way the night hides scars.

Jaime joined Vic at the microphone and they leaned on each other as they sang.

So dance, if it moves you,
Jump in the fire, if it burns you,
I'll throw my arms around you darling,
And we'll turn to ashes, drown me in the flames.

Tony looked back at me from his perch on top of an amp. I stared right back at him. In that moment, I saw him. The real Tony. The one who, when his friends weren’t around, would take an extra look at me, stare just a bit too long, give a small smile. I see the Tony who, in first grade, picked me flowers from the playground. The Tony who pushed me on the swing while I screamed and yelled for him to push me higher. The Tony who told me, as we sat together on the front row pew at my mom’s funeral, that he’d never hurt me.

It was like he hadn’t changed at all.

He turned around completely so he was facing me fully now. He let his guitar hang loose and it was just the crowd and Vic singing, no instruments. He mouthed the words as he looked at me.

Burst into flames, scream in the dark,
I'm gonna light up this place and die in beautiful stars

But if these demons keep falling from the sky, it's alright
'Cause sometimes I love the way you swing the blade at everything in sight

Separate me from my own two hands, I've killed so many times,
But I can't save the world from the creatures that don't die.

I kinda like the way you tell me, "Baby, please come home, I need you here right now, I'm crying underwater so you don't hear the sound.”

He smiled hugely at me as he played his solo. Mike and Jaime joined in, and then Vic came with the last chorus. As Vic sang, Tony walked towards me slowly.

Burst into flames, scream in the dark,
I'm gonna light up this place....

And I will be the only light,
I'll be the only light

He was only a few feet away from me now. The most honest, desperate look was on his face.

I’m sorry, he mouthed.