My... Our little secret.

I woke up in the middle of the night sweaty, breathing heavily and scared, I was grabbing my covers forcefully like if they could keep me safe; I looked around and everything was ok, or at least it looked like it. I was lying like a corpse now with the covers all the way up to my face shaking like I've never had. I should've get used to it by now, but I guess it isn't that easy - Nightmares, again. Oh, how I hated them. I tried to fall asleep again but I just couldn't, the memory of the supposed dream wouldn't get off my mind and the time I fell asleep at school and had my first recurring nightmare, how my dad (when he was still alive, of course) got me to a psychologist and everything was fine, but just for a couple months until he died, then everything was a piece of shit again. Even if I wasn't there, I used to imagine the scenario, how everything happened and how all of a sudden my father was dead; I remember my aunt screaming and crying at the phone when she was notified of her brother dying, how much it hurted her - and me, of course. I stayed what was left of the night remembering how I killed my mom in this nightmare and ran to Austin's house as soon as I realised what I just have done, to find him making out with Alex but that didn't really bother me at the time because when they finally saw me they became some kind of strange monsters I've never known of. I tried everything but it seemed like my vampire skills or powers or whatever were off, like around them I was the weakest and suddenly a man I didn't really recognise walked towards me and started kicking me showing me that I really was the weakest. The punches felt so real, even thinking about it made me get all dizzy and wanting to puke plus the feeling of someone really punching me.

It was now something like 5ish in the morning and the sun was starting to rise, I got off my bed and stared outside the window. I knew my aunt would be sleeping by now so I changed myself into some black skinny jeans and a gray/blue shirt that I found and it really matched my feelings know, I was feeling down and dark, I actually felt miserable, dirty, bruised and weak. I left a note pinned at my door letting my aunt know I left earlier. I didn't even shower, I didn't really have time. I took an anti-sun spray I found somewhere in the kitchen and put it all over me - it wasn't as good as the soap, but it worked. I don't know why but I decided to take with me the old razor blade that was hidden behind the fridge which I used to self harm with. Everyone would've thought it was because I needed blood and couldn't get it but in really I could get as many blood as I wanted to, there were always some volunteers for it. And, even though, a vampire drinking its own blood makes no sense at all. I put the blade inside my pockets and opened the door quietly, not wanting to wake Mara up.

I set it that nobody was watching me and slowly tried to get inside Austin's house but the door was locked. I sighed angrily and ran to the back of the house, there were some small stairs I used to reach Austin's bedroom windows, I didn't bother to knock on it because I knew he was sleeping and wouldn't wake up no matter what. The sun was going up everytime a little more and I needed to get inside into the dark room; I opened the window and got inside slowly, making sure he wouldn't here a thing. I fell onto one of the polar bears little dolls he had there and he stired a bit with the sound.

"Fuck!" I mouthed, letting a breath out I didn't know I was holding until I realized he was still sleeping.

I walked to where Austin was sleeping, he looked so peaceful, thanks God he didn't have to deal with the nightmares I had to. I didn't want that for him, he is my best friend and I would never like to see him in as much pain as I am in. I laid with him under his sheets and cuddled there with him, of course he didn't know I was there. I fell asleep again easily, I loved to sleep with someone else, I didn't care who it was, it made me feel safe; and now even more that it was my best friend. Austin's alarm started ringing and he woke up, I stired a bit and groaned softly.

"HOLY SHIT!" I heard Austin scream when he saw me lying on his bed.

"I-I can explain it" I yawned and stretched still with my eyes closed.

"Well, better do it. How long have you been here? How did you get in?" He asked now sitting next to me.

"Uh, since five or something" I said now sitted with my head on his shoulder. "Window."

"I think I'll have to close my window now, you've been scaring the shit out of me lately kind of a lot." He said resting his head on the top of mine now.

"Wanna go for breakfast?" I sat straight and looked at him directly in the eyes smiling.

"Sure" he smirked.

I waited until he got changed and then we went to some small cafe or something of the sort. We went there in his car so the sun didn't really bother me. When we got there we only ordered a muffin and a caramel latte coffee, we wanted to sit inside the place but all tables were full, so we had to get one of the outside, I thought the anti-sun spray would've been enough for now, at least for some hours but I guess it kind of fell off my skin when I was sleeping with Austin. I told him what happened with the nightmare and then what happened with Alex and he was smirking and giggling the whole story and repeating time after time that "we both would be so 'cute' together". We were laughing and talking shit and then talking serious again about the crush Austin had on Alan, a readhead that was really driving him crazy but couldn't tell him how he felt because he didn't want to ruin a good friendship. I was totally paying attention to him until I started feelling weaker and weaker by every second passed, I felt my skin burning somehow and I was starting to get worried, I felt how I had a horror look like if I had seen someone dying or something really disgusting, I looked at Austin and he had the same look mixed with a concern look.

"I'll try to, uh, e-explain it later, bye." I said trying to calm him down.

I ran out of there and left everything I took with me in the table, which was my cellphone and my keys only. I was scared and I didn't know where I was going, I knew that going to my house was a long walk so I had to go somewhere else but I didn't know where. I just ran but I was feeling weaker everytime and I was getting paler and the feeling of my skin burning grew and grew by every step I took. I fell to my knees and started to shout, nothing in particular, just yelling in pain but that wouldn't change anything and to my bad luck nobody was there, but it was also a good thing. How would I explain what was happening to me? I gave up and now my whole body was resting on the floor, tears were coming down my cheeks and I was breathing heavily, not even a soul was there and I had one of the worst headache I have ever had, it was killing me. Why wasn't I dead now? Why wouldn't I just die? The pain would stop and it'd be just better. I couldn't think of anything else but that maybe if I died I could see my dad again after all this years.

"J-jack?" I heard a really quiet voice I couldn't recognise from behind me, maybe it was Austin.

I tried to answer but my voice didn't go out. I just cried harder this time and now the person who was behind me just seconds ago walked closer to me and kneeled down beside me.

"What-w-what happened?" He asked with one of his hand over his mouth in horror and the other one on my knee.

Alex. That was Alex. Alex just saw me there, crying, weak, almost dying and now he would know I'm a vampire and everything would be just so fucked up, he wouldn't want to talk to me because he might think I am going to bite him at any moment. "Please," I mouthed. "Take me out of the sun" I managed to say but I don't think he could hear me, but he did.

Alex grabbed me by my shirt and picked my legs up holding me now like if I was a baby and we went inside a house, I guess it was his. He put me down on the huge couch that was over the lounge and stood in fron of me, I felt way better, I still had the headache and was really pale and still felt so weak. Alex sighed and went to turn on the light, I groaned and hide my face under my hands.

"Dark... Please" I barely whispered, my voice was better now to be honest.

"Yeah, sure" he said as he turned off the lights, it made me feel a bit better. "So... What's wrong?" He said shyly looking at his knees while he sat by my side.

"W-well..." My voice broke, fuck. "Can we, uh, can we talk about thi-" I sighed. "M'tired." I looked at him as he nodded.

"Get sleep, I'll be around here, call me if you need anything" I just nodded and he left to the kitchen, which wasn't actually as separated to where I was as I thought.

I tried to fall asleep and the first ten minutes were really hard to get it, but I finally did, and I had another nightmare again.

I was woken up by Alex calling my name, I didn't really remember what my dream was like, but for sure it was a nightmare.

"Is everything okay?" He asked now a little more calmed than when he was trying to wake me up.

"Yeah, why shouldn't it?" I said while I stired and looked directly at him through the darkness.

"It's just that you were calling me and then I realized you were sleeping, so I guess it was in your dream." He said and blushed a little, thing that he thought I couldn't see because of the missing light.

"Uh, well," I shook my head. "I don't really remember... I wish I did." I sighed.

"Fine, then. Do you wanna talk about what happened now or..." It didn't really sound like a question but I knew what he meant.

"No, I wanna cuddle" I said and blushed like I never ever have. He looked at me with a confused face and I knew that I fucked it all up. "I-I'm sorry," I sat on the couch shaking my head. "I better go, then."

"N-no." He stopped me and made me lay on the couch again. "Let's cuddle." He got a big smile on his face but I knew mine was even bigger.

We laid on the large but tight couch with his head between my neck and shoulder and my arm around his waist, I really loved to cuddle; now that I was cuddling with him I could tell that my favorite human cuddle-pillows are Alex and Austin. It just felt amazing, like if nothing could ever happen when I was with them, and being with him just made me forget what had just happened and how I could have died there, made me forget about everything, like if out in this miserable, happy, ugly and fascinating world only were Alex and I, the only beings in this hole.