Hold You Close

When we got to Gerard's house, we walked in and Gerard showed me to his room in the basement. It was cluttered with art supplies and clothes, and the walls were covered with band posters.

We sat down on his bed for a moment. Neither of us knew what to do next. I could tell he wasn't very experienced with this, either.

"So... where's your younger brother?" I asked. "Do you usually drive him home or something?"

"Mikey? Nah, he goes home with his friend, Ray. I just usually drive home by myself."

"Isn't there anyone that you hang out with after school?" I ask.

"No. I guess I don't really have any friends."

I chuckled, but I wasn't really sure why. I guess it's just a nervous habit. "Me neither. Even at my old school I didn't really fit in."

Gerard looked kind of nervous all of a sudden. "Well, I could be your friend... if you want."

I could feel myself blushing again. "Um, yeah, sure, I'd love to be friends with you, Gerard!" I stuttered. I'm such a dumbass.

"Well, since we're friends now, can I know a little more about you?" Gerard asked with a shy smile.

Crap. I don't know what I'm supposed to say to that. After 15 years of keeping things built up inside me, I kind of just spilled and told him everything. I told him about my parents splitting when I was 3, and how my mom doesn't give a fuck about her gay son. I told him that I used to go to Queen of Peace High School, but I was bullied there, too, so I switched to public school hoping things might get better. I told him about the depression and the reoccurring thoughts of suicide and every other shitty part of my life. When I was done, I felt a little better. He was the first person I ever told anything personal to. But I was also afraid that I scared him off.

"Frank... I'm so sorry." He finally said. "I know what it's like to be depressed all the time. I'm pretty much ignored by everyone at school. I just come home everyday a drink beer in my room, feeling sorry for myself... But I wish I could help you more."

My mind was racing. It was one thing to have a friend, but then to have a gay friend that understands me, too? What is this fuckery? This must be some cruel joke that God's playing on me. Later I'll wake up in my bed and everything will be back to my miserable life. I snapped back to reality from my insane rantings.

"But you already have. No one has ever listened to me before, or even cared about me, for that matter." I said with a small smile.

I told myself to take control of my life for once and kiss him now. I leaned forward and kissed him softly on the lips, and he quickly returned it.

The rest of the afternoon passed too quickly. We talked about everything. I found out that we have a lot in common. We both love Hellboy comics, horror movies, video games, and the same kind of music. Gerard also showed me some of his drawings, which were really amazing. I told him how great they are, but he kept being modest. I also found out that he can sing. He said he used to participate in school plays in elementary school, but then stopped when he got into middle school. So, I played him a Misfits song on an old guitar that he has. We both sang along. He really can sing well, but he says he doesn't like to very much.

Pretty soon, it was getting late and I figured I should go home. As we were walking upstairs to go outside, we walked into Mikey, Gerard's younger brother, who was just walking into the house.

Mikey was skinny, and almost the same height as Gerard (which meant that even though he was a year younger than me, I was still shorter). He had messy dark brown hair and was wearing a Dawn of the Dead shirt.

"Oh, hey, Mikey!" Gerard said cheerfully. "This is Frank. He started going to our school a couple months ago."

"Er, hi Frank." I could tell he felt awkward right now. Probably because he was wondering why Gerard was so happy, and me and him were holding hands, too.

"Hey Mikey! Sorry, but me and Gee were just leaving. It's nice to meet you, though."

When we walked outside, we decided to just walk to my house, since it was close by, and it was nice out. We held hands the whole way there, laughing, and talking, and making jokes. When we were outside my house, I decided to tell Gerard what was on my mind.

"Hey, Gerard?" I began.

"Yes, Frankie?"

"It's just... I'm really worried about school tomorrow. What if someone sees us together and you get beat up too? I don't want that to happen to you..."

"Do you think we should keep it a secret for a while?"

"I guess we have to. I don't see another alternative."

"But you're still going to get hurt, even if our relationship is a secret..."

I looked up at him. This moment felt so perfect. I still couldn't believe that only 12 hours ago, I was lying on the bathroom floor, coughing up blood, and contemplating death. Now I was in the arms of a beautiful boy that cared about me, too. I wished I could stay here with Gerard forever.

"I'll be fine, Gerard," I say with a smile. I hoped I was right, but even if I wasn't okay, I'd be happy as long as Gerard is safe.