You Are Exactly My Brand of Heroin
Saying Sorry.
The house was unusually quiet seeing as it had been loud and full of life the night before. Everyone filed inside the house past me from where I stood by our enormous oak front door, laying the car keys on the end table. I sighed and threw my bag into a corner and kicked off my Converse. Just as I was about to walk down the hall, Taylor walked past me and I stopped her, grabbing her arm. She didn't move, didn't breath. She stared down at the floor for a moment then turned to me.
"Yeah, Abby?" she asked with a shaky voice and a quivering expression. I knew that if I didn't let her go soon that she would burst into tears, but I had to set things right and I had to do it now.
"Tay, we need to talk and you know it." She sighed and toyed with her fingers for just a moment. She nodded slightly and turned, walking off in the direction of the stairs. We passed the couch in process where all the guys were. They watched us on our journey up the staircase, but just before I touched the steps, Garrett's eyes met mine and he smiled. I could now be reassured that everything was good between the two of us. Garrett had only been hurt and upset with me because I'd hurt his sister and now that I was going to make it right, he felt better and had no anger toward me. Understandable. He cared a lot about Taylor - like any older brother should about his baby sister, and I wasn't going to stand in the way of that. It was a lot like mine and Matt's relationship, and I'd noted that before hand. The rest of the guys, on the other hand, seemed to be doing just fine. They all completely understood why I did what I had done and they were willing to forgive me for that. Thank God. That saves me from having so much to worry about. I continued to follow Taylor up the stairs and around the bend of the hallway to her room that she shared with Jordan.
"You can stay with me tonight, bro," I heard Garrett say to Jordan just before we walked into Taylor's room. Just as I'd expected. He wanted this to go as good as possible and I noted that so I could thank him tomorrow.
"Thanks, man," Jordan replied. I smiled to myself and walked into the room, closing the door behind me. Taylor climbed onto her bed and sat in the middle, hugging her knees to her chest and resting her chin on top of them. I crawled onto Jordan's bed, sitting right across from here only Indian-style. My eyes met hers and I sighed, preparing my speech.
"Taylor, I know that this has been a terrible thing for you to learn about, and I know that it's even worse that you're my best friend and I'm supposed to be open with you about everything and tell you how I feel about everything and that you're supposed to know everything about me, but then I go and hide all I've ever know from you. I know that's not fair to you or anyone else, and for that, I'm deeply sorry. I understand if you're not willing to accept my apology right away, and I don't blame you. I wouldn't blame you if you didn't talk to me for a while either. You didn't deserve this. You've been so good to me for the past four years, Taylor, and you've taken such good care of me and just let me walk all over you and intrude on your life. I didn't ever have the right to do this to you, but I'm going to do my best to make it up to you. I want you to continue to be my best friend until the day I die, Tay. I need you. You help me live. You keep my life on track and so full of fun. I'm not sure where I'd be without you or those amazing boys down there. You guys are my life now. Those guys and girls that you met today, have always been a part of my life and even though there have been times where I've wished that I'd never met them, I couldn't go a day without them any longer. Taylor," I sighed, feeling the tears prick the back of my eyes. Taylor had already begun to cry and I watched as her tears began to trickle down her toned legs. "Taylor, I want to thank you for what you did today. You've brought back a part of me that I want all of you to see. You've made me happy again, and even though I've hurt you and some others in the process, you did a good thing, and you should know that. You're a good person, Tay. I'm sorry for what I've done. I really am, and if you'll let me, I'd like to make it up to you however I can." I stopped to get a reply from her. Moments passed and I began to think that she wasn't going to say anything. The silent treatment. This was how it was going to be. Even more complicated then it was before hand, but just as I was about to speak and then leave, Taylor cut me off.
"I'm glad you're happy, Abby, and I'm overjoyed that you've chosen now to share your past with me. I'm not upset that you waited to do this until they showed up. I'm just upset at the fact that you waited to tell us period. I understand that your intentions were pure and only set to not hurt yourself. I get that, but I'm glad that you realized that in doing so, you hurt others. Abby, for a while there today, I thought you weren't going to realize the outcome of your actions, but I'm forgiving you because you learned from what you did and because I love you and you're my best friend and without you, I'd be lost. You mean the world to me Abby, and when you hurt me, it takes a piece of me away that I fear I'll never get back if I don't make things right with you. All I want you to know is that I'm not upset with you anymore and I'm glad that we had this conversation. I cherish you so much, Abby, and no matter who comes along or what happens to us, I will always love you. Okay?" By now, we were both flooding tears and laughing was becoming quite difficult. Everything was good with everyone now. So much stress that was just from today had been lifted off my shoulders. My entire body relaxed and let the well-needed tears flow.
"Okay," I nodded between periods of wiping my eyes. "And I love you too Taylor Danielle Johnson. More than you know," I said as I got off Jordan's bed to hug her.
"I love you too Abigail Raelynn Sanders, and no matter what you say, you don't need to make anything up to me. I'll be just fine. I promise," she said, releasing me. The both of us had calmed down and were back to normal.
"I do, too, Tay!" I shouted with a laugh.
"You do not, Abby!" she proceeded. "I'm fine. I don't need all of your sympathy." I sighed and rested my hands on my hips.
"Well, then I guess that reserving Zack for you was such a shameful thing for me to do," I said with a smirk.
"What?!?!" she shouted grabbing a hold of my arms. I laughed. "Are you fucking serious?!?!"
"Yes! He requested that I bring you with me tomorrow when we all meet up for lunch. Oh, I forgot to tell you about our little rendezvous. Well, tomorrow we're all meeting up for lunch, and Natalie and Ciara are coming. After lunch, the guys are going to do their thing and we're going to do ours! Ya know, before we leave for Huntington? Oh! And I got their numbers!" I said, pulling a piece of paper from my pocket.
"You got his what?!?!" she said snatching the paper from my hand. She ripped the paper open and searched for Zack's name. "Oh my God! Is this really the Zacky Vengeance's number?!" I nodded.
"Yeah. Who else's would it be?" I asked with a smile.
"We're definitely going tomorrow, right?" she asked me as she pulled her phone out of her pocket and began to put all of the numbers into it. I smiled to myself and plopped down on the bed once again. Same old, same old Taylor. Would fuck a rock star at any cost and at any time. I was just glad to see that things were back to normal and we could relax again, but wait... was normal really the right word for it? Was all of this really considered "normal"? I mean, my life had just taken a turn for the best, but still yet, it's not every day that one of the top bands in the world return to your life again. As far as I'm concerned, today and the rest of my life will be far from normal.
"Yeah, Abby?" she asked with a shaky voice and a quivering expression. I knew that if I didn't let her go soon that she would burst into tears, but I had to set things right and I had to do it now.
"Tay, we need to talk and you know it." She sighed and toyed with her fingers for just a moment. She nodded slightly and turned, walking off in the direction of the stairs. We passed the couch in process where all the guys were. They watched us on our journey up the staircase, but just before I touched the steps, Garrett's eyes met mine and he smiled. I could now be reassured that everything was good between the two of us. Garrett had only been hurt and upset with me because I'd hurt his sister and now that I was going to make it right, he felt better and had no anger toward me. Understandable. He cared a lot about Taylor - like any older brother should about his baby sister, and I wasn't going to stand in the way of that. It was a lot like mine and Matt's relationship, and I'd noted that before hand. The rest of the guys, on the other hand, seemed to be doing just fine. They all completely understood why I did what I had done and they were willing to forgive me for that. Thank God. That saves me from having so much to worry about. I continued to follow Taylor up the stairs and around the bend of the hallway to her room that she shared with Jordan.
"You can stay with me tonight, bro," I heard Garrett say to Jordan just before we walked into Taylor's room. Just as I'd expected. He wanted this to go as good as possible and I noted that so I could thank him tomorrow.
"Thanks, man," Jordan replied. I smiled to myself and walked into the room, closing the door behind me. Taylor climbed onto her bed and sat in the middle, hugging her knees to her chest and resting her chin on top of them. I crawled onto Jordan's bed, sitting right across from here only Indian-style. My eyes met hers and I sighed, preparing my speech.
"Taylor, I know that this has been a terrible thing for you to learn about, and I know that it's even worse that you're my best friend and I'm supposed to be open with you about everything and tell you how I feel about everything and that you're supposed to know everything about me, but then I go and hide all I've ever know from you. I know that's not fair to you or anyone else, and for that, I'm deeply sorry. I understand if you're not willing to accept my apology right away, and I don't blame you. I wouldn't blame you if you didn't talk to me for a while either. You didn't deserve this. You've been so good to me for the past four years, Taylor, and you've taken such good care of me and just let me walk all over you and intrude on your life. I didn't ever have the right to do this to you, but I'm going to do my best to make it up to you. I want you to continue to be my best friend until the day I die, Tay. I need you. You help me live. You keep my life on track and so full of fun. I'm not sure where I'd be without you or those amazing boys down there. You guys are my life now. Those guys and girls that you met today, have always been a part of my life and even though there have been times where I've wished that I'd never met them, I couldn't go a day without them any longer. Taylor," I sighed, feeling the tears prick the back of my eyes. Taylor had already begun to cry and I watched as her tears began to trickle down her toned legs. "Taylor, I want to thank you for what you did today. You've brought back a part of me that I want all of you to see. You've made me happy again, and even though I've hurt you and some others in the process, you did a good thing, and you should know that. You're a good person, Tay. I'm sorry for what I've done. I really am, and if you'll let me, I'd like to make it up to you however I can." I stopped to get a reply from her. Moments passed and I began to think that she wasn't going to say anything. The silent treatment. This was how it was going to be. Even more complicated then it was before hand, but just as I was about to speak and then leave, Taylor cut me off.
"I'm glad you're happy, Abby, and I'm overjoyed that you've chosen now to share your past with me. I'm not upset that you waited to do this until they showed up. I'm just upset at the fact that you waited to tell us period. I understand that your intentions were pure and only set to not hurt yourself. I get that, but I'm glad that you realized that in doing so, you hurt others. Abby, for a while there today, I thought you weren't going to realize the outcome of your actions, but I'm forgiving you because you learned from what you did and because I love you and you're my best friend and without you, I'd be lost. You mean the world to me Abby, and when you hurt me, it takes a piece of me away that I fear I'll never get back if I don't make things right with you. All I want you to know is that I'm not upset with you anymore and I'm glad that we had this conversation. I cherish you so much, Abby, and no matter who comes along or what happens to us, I will always love you. Okay?" By now, we were both flooding tears and laughing was becoming quite difficult. Everything was good with everyone now. So much stress that was just from today had been lifted off my shoulders. My entire body relaxed and let the well-needed tears flow.
"Okay," I nodded between periods of wiping my eyes. "And I love you too Taylor Danielle Johnson. More than you know," I said as I got off Jordan's bed to hug her.
"I love you too Abigail Raelynn Sanders, and no matter what you say, you don't need to make anything up to me. I'll be just fine. I promise," she said, releasing me. The both of us had calmed down and were back to normal.
"I do, too, Tay!" I shouted with a laugh.
"You do not, Abby!" she proceeded. "I'm fine. I don't need all of your sympathy." I sighed and rested my hands on my hips.
"Well, then I guess that reserving Zack for you was such a shameful thing for me to do," I said with a smirk.
"What?!?!" she shouted grabbing a hold of my arms. I laughed. "Are you fucking serious?!?!"
"Yes! He requested that I bring you with me tomorrow when we all meet up for lunch. Oh, I forgot to tell you about our little rendezvous. Well, tomorrow we're all meeting up for lunch, and Natalie and Ciara are coming. After lunch, the guys are going to do their thing and we're going to do ours! Ya know, before we leave for Huntington? Oh! And I got their numbers!" I said, pulling a piece of paper from my pocket.
"You got his what?!?!" she said snatching the paper from my hand. She ripped the paper open and searched for Zack's name. "Oh my God! Is this really the Zacky Vengeance's number?!" I nodded.
"Yeah. Who else's would it be?" I asked with a smile.
"We're definitely going tomorrow, right?" she asked me as she pulled her phone out of her pocket and began to put all of the numbers into it. I smiled to myself and plopped down on the bed once again. Same old, same old Taylor. Would fuck a rock star at any cost and at any time. I was just glad to see that things were back to normal and we could relax again, but wait... was normal really the right word for it? Was all of this really considered "normal"? I mean, my life had just taken a turn for the best, but still yet, it's not every day that one of the top bands in the world return to your life again. As far as I'm concerned, today and the rest of my life will be far from normal.